posted on Jun, 5 2009 @ 10:23 PM
Some of you may know this but I'll repeat for those who don't know. Back in 2004 I fell in love with a lady named Lynne Inouye. I eventually
proposed marriage and she accepted. I was the happiest man on this planet. On October 15th 2005 she passed away from Kidney failure with complications
before we could tie the knot. Within the space of 5 days I lost my fiance, my apartment, and my job. About 3 weeks later I entered a program for
homeless veterans and got back into society back in November. In a few days myself and Carol will be having a mini wake in her memory since I never
had the chance to properly grieve. The wake will consist of a white bandanna that she gave me and I've written the text word for word on it that I
will now share. The bandanna will be tied to a fence with a ribbon that she used for gifts while my friend Carol plays some music. I suspect that June
7th (Lynne's Birthday) is gonna be a very bad day for me I'll try to shake it off before Carol arrives though on then. Right now I'm feeling burned
out from crying when I'm feeling anything at all. The only thing I will change in this text is my name.
It seems that parting can come all to often when we least expect or want it. You and I parted. My Dad and I almost parted. Kathy's friend Heidi's
father parted. Why does it seem like when we are at our most vulnerable we get parted from those we love? Beloved, I can barely describe what went
through my head when carol came and told me the news. I can only remember some things of that night. Carol handing me the box of Kleenex and the
afghan. Carol saying "This belonged to Lynne. It still has her scent." I remember slumping back in my comfy chair. In my mind a image flashed. It
was a building. A skyscraper and it crumbled into ruin in an instant. A mass of bent and twisted metal and stone. That future that you and I were
going to build together. Gone in an instant. Beyond any hope of repair.
Beloved, as you can tell, this will take several days. At the moment, I'm relaxing and watching a little Eureka. One of the episodes as a back story
had the story of an elderly couple. He had planned to propose to her but didn't because he lost a Nobel prize. That reminded me of when I proposed to
you. Although I tried to keep it as traditional as possible, I didn't want you to feel that you were being forced. I remember saying "Lynne Inouye,
when you feel the time is right and your are comfortable, will you marry me?" I so remember looking into those lovely eyes of yours and you looking
back. There was a pause for a couple of seconds as we gazed into each others eyes and you said "Yes my handsome king, when the time is right, I will
My glorious queen, it seems that it me goes by so fast and yet not at all. A while back I was given a box that belonged to you. I'm looking at it
now. You always said that I'm the strong one. There are times when I felt that was not true. Now is that time. I have half a bandanna to fill and
I'm not sure if I can. I'll try for closure, for peace, for my heart, for love and especially for you. I see a large envelope containing your tax
forms. There is no escaping the paperwork is there? Then again, paperwork isn't something that you have to worry about anymore. A black plastic bag.
Inside there are so many things that remind me of you. A pair of purple fuzzy slippers (large). I just put my hand in one. It's warm like your
A mini folder. Seeing your name in your writing on the cover both hurts and makes me feel good. There are several letters from the social security
office and a new social security card. There are several cassettes, Hall and oats, Chicago, Dan Fogerty. I'll hold onto them. Someday, I'll get a
cassette deck to listen to the music that you felt important enough for you to bring. Men at work as well. Maybe it's a sign of the future. The end
to my drought.
If somehow, somewhere you are looking at me right now you see me crying. I found small plastic Ziploc bag with the words "Hand assembled necklace
Personal gift - from (Miss) Elvera T. Daul" There is a necklace in it. It seems to me that you're more of a mystery to me than I thought. I did a
little research on the maker of the Necklace and she was from Madison! I called Carol and she doesn't remember giving it to you when you were here.
How did you in California get a necklace from here? I'll have to ask you when I join you.
Beloved, I just looked at your calendar and saw that you had January 15th marked as "Deson and Lynne". That was the day when I realized that I was
falling in love with you. I remember my voice cracking and my throat clenching. I couldn't talk. I typed "Lynne, I think I'm falling in love with
you." 10 of the longest seconds in my life passed and then you typed "Wow! It's like you're reading my mind!" I cried. For the first time in my
life I cried tears of joy. From then on January 15th became our "Anniversary."
June 7th was your birthday. October 15th you passed away. The print out of where and how to get a marriage license in a civil ceremony, You were
prepared for our life together. I've just looked through your medical records about your ovarian cancer and your recovery after surgery. You called
me the strong one. I just found a envelope containing the bus schedule and maps. You had it shipped to you all the way to Pasadena. You were ready.
My Beloved, my cherished one, fate stepped in and we were separated from the future we were going to build together. I can't change the past but I
can change the future. If you've been watching me from wherever you are then you know about my triple whammy that I suffered. The year that I spent
barely holding onto my sanity. I have to go forward and rebuild. I can't forget the past but I can't live in it either.
You're the piece of that jigsaw puzzle that is my heart. You were the wind beneath my wings as I soared on that happiness called love. I'll never
forget you. Like the love that we dedicated to each other.
I love you now and always.
Your "Handsome King"
In memory of
Lynne L. Inouye
June 7th 1959 -
October 15th 2005