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This topic is in the Short Stories discussion forum.  (rss)


(DOR) With One Last Breath




Topic started on 3-6-2009 @ 05:45 PM by AccessDenied


Jerry..are you there? It's dark I can't see you.

Over here, to your left.

What the hell happened? It sounded like a freight train, and now it's dark,
and all this stuff is all over the place and on me.

Diane, I..I think I'm hurt. I can't see it, but my shirt feels wet, and it hurts.

Jerry! Oh, wait, let me find you!

Feel your way to me Diane, I'm not sure where Iam in the room anymore.

I feel wood...the table leg, I feel, OH JERRY..THE TABLE LEG!!!!

So that's what it is. Should have paid closer attention to the weather....

Jerry, stop talking now. I'm going to get a blanket to cover you up. Help is coming.
I can hear sirens Jerry, do you hear that? I'm going to try to find the phone, maybe it still works.

Diane, please, come here.

Jerry, you need help, let me find the phone..please.

Diane, it hurts to talk, hurts to breathe, please, come here.

Yes, I'm here. Give me your hand honey. What is it?

Do you remember all those years ago, that pretty girl I spotted on the beach, with her hair blowing in the ocean breeze,
like an angel you were, and I knew..I KNEW, I loved you then and there.

Jerry please, I know all this, you can tell me this later, now let me find the phone in all this mess, you need help now!

DIANE...listen to me, please.

All these years, I have never had one regret about taking you as my wife. Never. Not even when we first got married and you couldn't cook, and dinner was burned more often than not.No regrets that we never had children, but we always had each other. You are my best friend. We have had a good life Diane, and every minute of it, I loved you more.

Jerry, stop, you're scaring me. Don't talk like this. Help is coming, OK? Just hold on.

I need to rest Diane, I'm very tired.

I hear the sirens closer Jerry do you hear..I hear voices! I hear voices Jerry! DOWN HERE! IN THE BASEMENT! JERRY"S HURT AND HE NEEDS HELP!

Diane...Diane..

Yes! Jerry they are coming to help you..just rest..

Diane..I love you

I love you too Jerry...Jerry..answer me honey...Jerry I can't feel you breathing. Jerry..DAMMIT JERRY NO! YOU FIGHT , DAMMIT DON"T YOU QUIT ON ME ! FIGHT JERRY, FIGHT! NOOOOO......Jerry...noooooo.



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reply posted on 5-6-2009 @ 10:55 PM by Dr Conspire


A well written account of all a daily held fear of losing our MOST love one.

May all sorrow be temporary.



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reply posted on 6-6-2009 @ 11:05 AM by AccessDenied


reply to post by Dr Conspire



Thank you..first thing I have ever written spontaneously, off the cuff..not even proofread, or edited.



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reply posted on 8-6-2009 @ 05:30 PM by Cameoii


I can imagine myself in your story. You were able to make me feel emotion in just a very brief telling. Awesome!



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reply posted on 21-6-2009 @ 05:27 AM by AccessDenied


reply to post by Cameoii


Thank you very much.....I tried to do just that.




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reply posted on 24-6-2009 @ 03:17 PM by mrwupy


I could feel the fear in her voice and somewhat the resignation in his. This was an excellent story conveyed in words that really came through.

I hope the judges smile on you, it was well worth the read,

wupy



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reply posted on 26-6-2009 @ 02:25 PM by OrangeJuice


A Remarkable Approach to an event that we wish never happens in our lives. This is exactly why we should not take our family for granted.

Every moment is so precious ...

Classic Story Access



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reply posted on 26-6-2009 @ 02:30 PM by zysin5


That was a very nightmarish short story there AD...
Its true.. We should all never take for granted those we cherish the most in this world...
This story was somewhat bothering to me.. As I have lived this worst nightmare.. As I have told you a few times before..

But all together a good lesson to those who have not had to bear wittness to lose the one they care the most about in this life..

But for me, I have already had the dishonor of going through something like this.. But if you want a real heart stopper.. At least they got to tell eachother good bye.. And he died there in her arms..

I was not so lucky.. I didnt even get to say good bye...



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reply posted on 30-6-2009 @ 07:13 AM by AccessDenied


reply to post by zysin5


OMYGOSH! Yes, you have lived this nightmare!
Truly the scenario played in my mind for a couple of days, and to me the last words spoken by two people who shared their life together, has more impact than anything.
Thanks for the comments all.



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reply posted on 30-6-2009 @ 10:39 AM by MountainStar


I dread when that day happens, but I know it will. Had a close call recently that's why I'm late getting started here. Just pray I go first.
Always insightful AD.



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reply posted on 2-7-2009 @ 04:56 AM by AccessDenied


reply to post by MountainStar



Everything ok now mountainstar?
miss you around here.



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reply posted on 2-7-2009 @ 01:53 PM by argentus


Congratulations for the win on your very visceral story AD! Well done!



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reply posted on 4-7-2009 @ 06:22 AM by AccessDenied


Thank you- very surprising considering all the great entries!



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