The Exquisite Ego of Self-Realization

The human mind is adept at many things, including knowing instinctively ideas to embrace and issues to face. In this case what it seems to be less adept at grasping is how issues apply to Self. Perhaps this is a survival circuit. Self-criticism not being hard-wired into the brain, it is learned. I believe because it makes us better social animals as well as preventing us from being harmfully self-deprecating. But it is definitely an issue we learn to adapt, though not always in healthy or productive ways.

Ask a child why they did something "wrong" and why it is "wrong" and you likely receive the same answers, "Because I felt like it," and "I don't know." And so the child is often instructed that the why and reason are selfishness.

The concept is valuable as it makes us more socially aware and adaptable to variances in culture and attitude. I see it as detrimental because it is self-defeating, figuratively and literally.

If being "selfish" is wrong then looking at one's self is wrong. And so I see a common translation of this as pointing out the faults in others that we often most need to examine in ourselves.

"He/She is so egotistical/selfish/greedy/etc! I can't stand that!"

My first thought when hearing something like this is that perhaps the complainant wouldn't be so bothered by the other person's ego if it weren't cramping their own. Which is to say, what we find offensive, disruptive, angering, frustrating in others is often mirroring our own issues.

Of course common wisdom embraces this concept. And so we've often heard sayings like "What's good for the goose is good for the gander," or "That's the pot calling the kettle black." But common wisdom has never illuminated the issue enough to resolve it.

So I wonder, will we ever get it?

(The opposite also exists, but I figured to focus on this side of the concept initially at least )

Originally posted by TravelerintheDark
knowing instinctively which ideas to embrace and issues to face. In this case what it seems to be less adept at grasping is how issues apply to Self.

Why they bother us? Some issues are acceptable some need some work, but to ask your self why is part of the process of the solution. At least for me. I need to know why something is bothering me before I can even begin to seek those solutions.

If someone's egotistical ways are annoying me, it is usually because I need to look at that issue as well. I believe the mind is adept at recognizing what it needs. Communicating that with the emotional state is the circuit that I often times have trouble with. The emotions overpower my ability to reason at times. Once that settles then the thinking can begin.

I am one of those people who could call himself his own worst critic. I have been like that for the last several years, and what I have noticed about myself is that in almost every single confrontation/situation I find myself in or viewing, I'm always putting myself into the other side's (or both side's) shoes.

I try my best to strip away the ego (mine included) and imagine what that person's thought process is, what they're probably thinking about me or the situation, no matter whether or not I think they're right or wrong; or no matter who the "bad guy" or "good guy" is.

When applying this to my everyday life, I can be very harsh and eye-opening on myself, but in the end it's working to become a better person. The ego isn't a good thing. Several years ago before I started trying to drop the ego I would walk around like my poop didn't stink. No wonder I would throw one of those alpha-male tough-guy tantrums if anyone dared question me. I didn't like that part of me back then and I'm very happy these days, all by making a honest, every day effort to strip the ego.

So, to conclude, awesome article, starred and flagged, and your theory is correct because I apply it each and every day and it makes me a more positive person because of it! Peace.

reply to post by matth


Thanks for the support.

I think the ego is like our physical body in ways. If we feed it in a healthy fashion, it's strong and competent. But if we fee it "junk", like negative patterns of emotional validation, it become slovenly and weak.

I think stripping away the ego can be as necessary as going on a diet. We deprive it of what it's used to and learn to feed it in healthier ways.

It's a process, at times a long one that often does require daily validation, but I've found too that I increasingly feel better about myself and less threatened by others.

In short, I become a happier, more contented person. I'm glad you're finding the same.