I WANNA PLAY TOO!!
i have always had the label of lack of respect for authority. if you didnt earn it in my eye, it means nothing. as a child i remember never fitting
in, even tho im decent looking and have a good personality (some here may disagree
i have had the night terrors of feeling like something is watching me. i used to sleep with the covers over my head as a means of closing out the
world to let me sleep in peace, and not worry about whats there with me, when i actually fell asleep. usually i would lay there and think endless
thoughts of going somewhere better, and never finding that better place.
certain atmospheres click with me very well. lots of nature has been my key. whether its the ocean, the forest, or mountain top retreats. when im away
from these places its like my mind tunnel gets smaller and smaller until i focus on the petty and worthless. i usually become violent easy this way
and usually focus on the negative. as soon as i find a place that i key into, its like all anxieties flee and i am open and weightless. i feel as
though i could fly.
foods do this to me as well. sitting on the couch watching "normal" television eating junk food does the same to me as not being in nature. very
irritable indeed. if its television that doesnt do anything to stimulate me mentally i get mad at it.
maybe my definition of mad and violent are too harsh as i hardly do anything violent, but i will vocalize my problems with what is happening.
every since a small child, my mother would tell me that i was different than most children for the sole reason that my grandmother pointed out, "Look
at him all he does is watch others with eye contact. he just sits there studying the way we walk talk gesture" she had 6 children. typical irish, but
i was different from all of them. i am assuming still different than most.
a lot of the things i did was to preserve nature and animals. when i would see something that was wrong, even if it was the norm around me, i would
hate it. hunting and fishing excluded as being grown up in the south, and having an understanding that eating it is different than just killing for
sport. although most the people i knew hunted for sport first, then eating was a second. i have since stopped hunting since i was 15 and will never do
it again. i made that promise over 10 years ago and havent taken it back.
when i was 15 i had my "awakening". it was something i will never forget as i had a hunting accident where i shouldnt have survived. i was by myself
in the woods and after loading the gun made the huge huge mistake of flipping the gun upside down to bring it up across my chest. a limb caught the
trigger and i woke up on the ground. 8 inches of my femur was demolished and was losing blood out of a small hole on top of my right leg where my
underwear strap is. if felt like someone had punched me, then all the muscles tried to cling to the shrapnel of bone and just ripped through it. it
was on fire. i tried standing up and walking out. IMPOSSIBLE omg that was terrible. so i fired off some rounds to see if anyone would come or yell
out, but they didnt. i tried yelling, but i was too far in the woods, so i looked up and ask for anyone to help me, and i promise i will never hunt or
hurt anything ever again. i grabbed the back of my knee to keep it steady then went in a perfect straight line to where someone could finally hear me.
when i reached that spot, and got a response, an hour and a half had passed. i lost nearly all my blood and my skin was gray. as soon as i heard the
voice of my dad i propped up against a tree and felt as if the weight of the world had lifted. and i could see clearly around me like it was the first
time i opened my eyes. it was december 13th 1998. i knew that i wouldnt have made it out with some kind of help from somewhere.
i guess we look out for our kind. im 25 and in the best shape of my life. ill never forget my promise and i dont think whoever was there that day will
too many things from that video have triggered chills up my spine. i believe before my accident i wasnt fully aware of what it was to be like this.
there wasnt any real direction in my formation up till that changing point for me.
art had always been a part of my life. i had uploaded some work from middle and highschool a long time ago. its here. tikiman.deviantart.com...
most of the work i did as a kid just wanting to recreate what i saw in comics. i chilled out from comics in highschool and moved into doing portraits.
got a scholarship to scad and have been doing art ever since. now i build websites.
space has been an insatiable learning campaign for me since i can remember. when other kids were playing i was reading about quarks quasars and red
giants. the possibility (at the time) of black holes and for some reason dinosaurs lol.
whatever it is we have. its not normal. i dont know how far i would go to say alien, but it is definitely not the same as what most others have been
brought up with. it has added some extra difficulty to "fitting in" as i would normally question whats the point. im not even in my senior year book
and i didnt attend prom.
sometimes i get lost into looking up at the stars, and have a hard time understanding why more people dont care as much, as it is very important to
politics to me is completely useless. why cant we just set up systems that help people acheive what they need and let everything happen naturally. i
dont like being lumped into a corrupt system that treats everyone as a herd when each case is obviously different.
the biggest problems in the world today is ignorance and greed. every other problem would cease to be if those would disappear IMO.
lets all work together to get off this planet and explore the universe! theres so much out there. why wouldnt you want to