Maturity: State of Mind, State of Action

It's a word most of us hear a great deal in our life, or it's loaded into a phrase such as, "Act you age". It's bandied about as an insult or compliment. As a measure and descriptor of human behvior. But is there really a clear definition?

To some it would seem to define maturity as how one fits into a system. Any system. To be a Do-Bee. "This is what I have and so I accept it." Perhaps we hate our jobs, our kids get on our nerves, our spouses and/or loved ones don't show us the love and respect we feel we deserve. We go on in our situation in spite of these factors. Is this mature?

When we buck the system, express displeasure, how often is it that others will consider us immature?

Is it immature to express displeasure or discomfort? Are fortitude and stoicism always indicators that we've "grown up" or that we've grown used to it?

"I am not happy with this and so I'm willing to accept the consequences of change." I suppose I find this to be a more mature attitude personally. But only after years of living in the previous state of mind, knowing I was unhappy but attempting to live with it out of a sense of responsibility.

But did my unhappiness genuinely contribute anything to the harmony of the situation I lived in? Personally, I don't think so. As a part of the environment, my unhappiness is decidedly disharmonious an unproductive.

I am speaking on a small scale. But then I happen to think it's a level that human beings function best at. Perhaps that isn't very mature

Maturity....
What does that mean to me? When I was young, those I thought were mature was anyone a few years older than me. Something I always wanted to be. I thought that people who were older had more figured out, more under control, more freedom.
I thought it would be great to be "older" at almost every point in my life.
I barely remember the people in the classes below me at school, but I paid close attention to those ahead of me. Looking for clues, watching behavior.
Maturity meant they had more experience, more intelligence, had discovered more secrets. I wanted that. I respected that. But all the while I never really lived my childhood. My "parents" where so darned interesting that I watched them, and followed them, and lost track of my own desires. I got caught up.
I remember that I couldn't wait to get my license so that I could be free to roam about.
Now at 43, I want the freedom to stay home away from the craziness I see. I would love to travel, but it isn't the same world it used to be. It is less inviting out there a lot of times.
Maturity to me today means that they have most things under control, have more freedom because the responsibilities are taken care of, and have more things figured out, especially what is important and what isn't. A person that accepts enough that they are content and happy most days. Maturity in action is responsibility, self responsibility, that the ability to act like a child is done because it is fun, not because it is an excuse not to take that responsibility. I have been very immature and childish for most of my life, while being responsible for as much as I could. But the feeling of being self responsible was not there. I felt dependent, without control, and clueless most days. I was unable to be self sufficient and saw that as a lack of personal freedom.
Now to be mature is a goal that I strive for in which I can say what I think, do what I want to do, and not be worried that my parents, or peers will somehow be able to punish me for it. Self responsible in my choices. To be self sufficient enough to provide my basic needs for my self and those I love. To be responsible yet still maintain my freedoms.

reply to post by seagrass


I think we're running along the same line. I suppose I see maturity these days as accepting things that can not be changed and figuring out what we can change, as well as accepting it responsibly.

Change is growth. Growth is life. And since in a very literal sense becoming mature denotes growth it makes perfect sense to me.

I don't want to be too mature. I am slowly going backwards and looking to my youth for the more pure aspects of me, but with the knowledge I have gained in age. I liked being a kid. So being childish has it's merits, and is one responsible way to be when one is too serious. Children are wise and true. To be childish is not necessarily to be wrong. Balancing selfishness is similar.

I feel being mature is the ability to maintain a balance. Balance between Work & Play, Responsibilities & Desires, Money In & Money Out etc.

I believe this is the case because when looking at those "less mature" you notice that there are aspects of their lives that are to excess. You have some children that prefer play over work but never actually get down to work or when faced with a confrontation, those less experienced in arguing/debating will either be too aggressive or submissive, rather than assertive.

Its all about finding that middle path, this ability is only gained through experience. We all have to learn from our mistakes to grow. Hence, we are always maturing unless we choose not to.

Those who say "too mature" havent learnt to balance correctly. They feel that being mature makes them less fun-loving and so on. They themselves have set that parameter of how fun-loving they can be. I understand responsibilities tie you down, but there is always a way to balance.

Maybe im wrong, but the above seems to make sense to me

Cheers

Brad

reply to post by Toughiv


Just as a note, re-reading what i have written. I would say that for those who view mature as being careful and immature as careless. You simply have to find the middle path between the two. Hard as it is, it is possible

Age is such a subjective term.

People used to inquire how old I was and I'd tell them the following:


Mentally - between 7 and an infinite age. It varies according to circumstance.

Emotionally - once again, same as above.

Physically - 34, but some think I look younger. Some days I look in the mirror and think - "wow...I still look like I did at 17! weird!"...other days I look at my smile lines and wonder how I'm going to look as an elderly woman with silver hair. It varies depending on the type of day I'm having.

Chronologically - 34.

Maturity is more to me how one is able to handle lifes challenges than a predefined set of rules about numbers meaning progress regarding abilities.

I've met folks from all walks of life who vary. From elderly ladies who are infinitely childlike, to children with advanced adult reasoning.

It's so mutable - trying to fit everyone on a single timeline is kinda silly.

Originally posted by Toughiv
Those who say "too mature" havent learnt to balance correctly. They feel that being mature makes them less fun-loving and so on. They themselves have set that parameter of how fun-loving they can be. I understand responsibilities tie you down, but there is always a way to balance.

I agree. Balance and the "middle path" are what motivate me in my life, move me toward happiness, are my source of happiness. I think it may be true that some are happy leaning toward an extreme, but then that is there balance isn't it? I don't think it's the same for everyone.

Truly I think when we are happy is when we are balanced. When we find less need to question and more reason to accept.

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Originally posted by GENERAL EYES
It's so mutable - trying to fit everyone on a single timeline is kinda silly.

Without a doubt. We are individuals and should be allowed to express it. Society seems to have determined that the only way to run successfully is to categorize and compartmentalize. It hasn't yet been fully realized how self-defeating this is.

When you tell people that can't be who they feel to be, they rebel. Conflict and non-compliance are the result. And I believe when people feel free to express themselves freely they more willing do what needs to be done.

Maintaining social stability doesn't mean we can't be who we are while still contributing to that stability. At least I don't see it that way.