searching nervousness

searching nervousness

maybe there is something wrong with me or maybe everybody experiences it – everytime or now and then?

here is the story:
i am searching: a bill, the card for the library, etc etc – you know the stuff which can be easily laid on the desk and then gets covered by dust, cds, papers or the cat.
now i am searching but i can.t find it, i know it must be right here or there or in my rucksack or in the drawer … i know i have seen it, yesterday, last week, a couple of time ago … but i can.t find it
i am turning every piece of paper in the whole house, the cat loves to help me … and i am getting nervous, i am going to freak out, i am yelling at the cat, i am slamming door

and then feeling like going directly to a mental rehab
not very mature i guess

… every time

and always i promise myself: next time i will put it right in the folder where it should be – useless to say that this never happens.

the sweat and nervousness can also be created when trying to fix something that shouildn-t be broken … like the reciever box of the tv set which properly worked again after resetting it.
is this nervousness something that only happens to me?

do you experience it as well?

at different occasions?

is it some relict from our past?

and how you deal with it? how do you improve yourself while daling with it?


the key issue has been solved - at least in my house - by putting it right into the lock of the door when coming home - speares some nerves


edit: spelling



[edit on Mon, 01 Jun 2009 14:03:06 -0500 by orange-light]

reply to post by orange-light


I've experienced it. Perhaps most have at one time or another. Mature? Well, I've never known anyone who didn't some moment of immaturity The why of that could and perhaps should be a thread of its own. Anyway...

I find it useful to deal with the emotional response before attempting to change the behavior. It just makes sense to me. Stop, breathe and relax. Perhaps even sit and work to forget what it is I was so anxious about. Calm and soothe. Find a way to do this and the problem becomes less of a problem.

This to me is genuinely improving myself. I can change behavior and believe I've solved the problem. But emotional responses are often tied to a variety of occurrences. And what to me is really the problem? That I can't find what I'm looking for, or that it frustrates me so much?

Changing the behavior simply forces the emotions into a different compartment. They aren't gone, simply placed elsewhere.

I suppose I'd rather be lost and content than uncertain and compartmentalized.

Hope this helps in some way

reply to post by TravelerintheDark


good points traveler very good points
and actually you are right - as usual it is a kind of "point-of-view" game

while reading your reply i thought of the problem again - not finding the bill was resolved by asking for a new one via email and pdf something i will never lose - what actually goes on in me is the endless search of the reading card of the local library which also had to be presented when bringing the books back to them. i was 10 at that time
and now the 10 year old kid is looking for the bills and all that other stuff which the older me has stored.

next time when i am searching for something please remind me of breathing and relaxing my friend
would make live so much easier

i have to remind me again and again and now and then i am able to change a tiny little bit

reply to post by orange-light


I'm glad to provide something potentially useful
An excellent solution I think to have it emailed to you. Convenient and practical.

I hope you won't mind if I go on a bit further

Interestingly to me, I was discussing childhood triggers with someone last night. I know I've had my share of anxiety over disappointing authority figures, fearing the consequences of not following the rules. What would happen to me if I'm not "responsible"? What will they think of me?

It's easy to tell ourselves that we aren't that child anymore, that we don't need to be frightened. But it isn't true. At least the first part.

We are indeed that child, only larger and with more to fill our head-space. But still that child, and we don't forget it no matter how much we push it aside. Because we're just as human at 36 as we were at 6. Perhaps some of us actually less so, but I digress

Some of us are more prone. We fear their judgments. Taught that we are inadequate by their measure. We never forget. But as we grow, we can make a choice. Because at some point the light that others shine on us when we are small becomes a light we carry in ourselves. At that point it is up to us to extinguish that light or carry it on by how much it serves us.

reply to post by TravelerintheDark


that.s an interesting hint "childhood triggers"!
everything which is conected with childhood occurs much more strong than anything else!

when i compare it in my case: i get nervous upto freaking out when i have to search something in the house, in drawers , on desk etc. – reminescense to my childhood

when i have to do a similar search on my computer: nothing happens to me
i sometimes search via program or manual - but no sweat at all
no childhood trigger since computer haven.t been available at that time

maybe we never change inside – we remain what we are no matter if we are 3, 6, 15 or 80 4

and there is always somebody who tries to judge us – maybe that guy is not standing next to us but is in our brain or soul,


didn.t freud devide the ego into 3 parts?
one child, one ego and one adult?
and aren.t these the positions that can be addressed in conversation/communication?
which can be also a power issue if somebody talks from the adult position and addresses the child in us?

reply to post by orange-light


Yes, I see it as we are born with instincts, such as "fight or flight". And we are also born with the capacity to learn and adapt. And so we figure out which situations we can fight and which we flee. So we are malleable, easily shaped, and things stick much more readily.

As we age we become more rigid, and things that have stuck to us become a part of us, integrated. And we are much less inclined to change. Though why is questionable. Perhaps fear?

Rigidity equals stability to many minds I think. But a rigid structure inevitably collapses when force is applied. Flexibility doesn't prevent collapse, but yet provides more potential stability by allowing the absorption of forces of energy more adeptly.

To me, when something collapses it is an end but also a beginning. A chance to rebuild with what we learned the first time.

A child crying is a simple declaration. "I am." And existence is validated and continued through food, warmth, touch, shelter and hopefully love. Also discipline and structure; the point where the child says, "I am" and the parent responds, "Yes, and so am I". And it becomes a delicate struggle.

We learn quickly that the system with either promote us, include us or marginalize us. And these things can stick for a lifetime.

But I think we can change. I believe we are who we are, but who we are is not entirely our thoughts and feelings. These things we can change as they are often learned reactions. What we have learned, we can learn again, I think.

I think you're right about the man beside us. He is also in us as well. Reflecting what we have learned to think and feel. And so we can feel judged. While we can't change the man beside us, we can change how we deal with the one in us. And over time that change translates from thoughts and feelings to actions.

I admit that all I remember of Freud is from high school psychology is the ego, id and super-ego. I can't even remember with certainty what they represent

But I think these divisions are true in some sense and that they are the places from which we interact with those around us. And create power issues when the child in us wants to cry and say "I am", but the adult we remember, that we keep inside says, "Yes, and so am I and that is more important than you."