reply to post by mhinsey
I understand your points. However, it is not about "supporting". Even being supportive is not enough at times, and just ignoring, or pretending to,
is not helping anyone. (and once again, I don't blame anyone
here for not doing... it is hard to do for the others too...)
But there is something that is hard to understand to non alcoholics.
An alcoholic person is someone who drinks by need. There are people who are drunk half of the time, and half of the remaining time totally wasted. It
is, for instance, more or less frequent in a certain slice of the students population. It does not make them alcoholics. They drink by "pleasure"
(oh right, where is the pleasure at that point?...)
An alcoholic drinks because he needs to. It is needed, the body, the mind, the conscious and unconscious wants that alcohol. It is necessary. An
alcoholic is only feeling right after having a minimum dose. An alcoholic who has not been drinking since many hours, i.e. after a night's sleep, is
in need; pretty much like a drug addict is in need. It is the same thing.
In that, I am not trying to excuse anyone for the bad they did, whatever bad, but I am simply stating that having a problem of alcoholism is a
tremendous thing to go over. What they do, or in many cases rather what they do not do, is not even a question of knowing about it. It is a real
illness. An illness of the mind first, and after a while it becomes an illness of the body.
An alcoholic knows perfectly the bad they've done, or the good they didn't. They do know of their failures, and they do know of what do to: stop
drinking. At least after a certain "degree" of alcoholism (if I can say so), many get to that point where they actually realize. And it only adds to
their own pain: they can't stop... Alcohol has become a need, an excuse, a reason. It IS their life. Without it, they are feeling horrible; they do
need that alcohol. Some people are bad alcoholics even they just drink a few glasses a day, but it's all about the absolute necessity to have
I fully understand how painful it is to have to live with such a person. What most people do not understand however, is how painful it is to be
that person. It is a weight, a horrible weight, and it becomes more and more impossible to get free of it, day after day. And the more time goes, the
more it becomes a permanent illness. An alcoholic doesn't heal: he circumvents his illness by being strong enough not to drink; that's the absolute
only way. There are a few exceptions, very few, but they remain exceptions.
We all have gone to parties and drank way too much. We all have felt bad the next day, because of a headache, because of some unwanted even (being bad
mouthed is frequent, violent sometimes), we do all know what it is to drink too much. An alcoholic doesn't drink too much: they drink what they need.
When we woke up those mornings, we surely never thought "dang I need a beer/wine/whisky/...". We were bad, and feeling bad about it. The alcoholic
wakes up, and goes as soon as reasonably possible to drink his dose: that's only then that he feels "healed"...
Trust me, it is a sad situation. It may be sad for the others around, but it is a terrible life to live... I don't excuse that, I explain it. Those
who don't suffer it can hardly understand.