reply to post by Herman
(note: I keep using "love" even though it might not apply to all you guys, using it for consistency)
I'll go more in depth with the "wall" analogy as I have personal and educational experience with it.
Trust issue like you're exactly explaining right now can initially be caused by a difference of attachment styles in couples. There's 3 main types,
avoidant (avoids strong emotional attachment - fend for yourself, only 100% trust yourself throughout life, etc...), anxious (easily puts trust in
others but fears reciprocation - does she love me? will she cheat on me?), and secure (for all intents and purposes - full trust of each other)
attachment styles. The attachment style you are most likely
reflects your past relationships since birth.
If you are of an anxious attachment style you will have fears that she will mess up, not love you back, something like that - even though deep down
you know how much you love her.
This is where the wall is created - you have your feelings for her locked away deep down, cuz you know how much you care about her, but when she tries
to find that box of feelings for her, you're standing guard over it trying to make sure she loves you enough first before you open it for her.
This is the wall.
In order for your emotional closeness to strengthen you need to let go of that box friend.
I myself had myself an iron clad suit of armor after my relationship with my ex - which my current girlfriend had to break down in order for our
relationship to progress. The thing is, she couldn't get it down until I opened the box for her.
Until I started opening up to her, telling her what I was really thinking, stopped hiding my feelings, started sharing my opinions on subjects that
people don't like to share opinions on, telling her when I thought she was being unfair in the relationship, accepting when she told me I was being
unfair...the box was finally open for her.
I'm a psych student so whenever she asked me something like "do you think people should live together before they are married?" I would cite 3 or 4
research studies on rising divorce rates and tell her how living together would weed out these conflict based relationships that are causing the
divorce rate to triple since the 70s and single parent families to quadruple....
...when all she was looking for was my opinion, yes, or no.
Sure it makes logical sense to cite psych research studies but what emotional connection does that give to your personal relationship?
There's your wall.
Take down the emotional wall that you have up and you two will be able to connect and then you'll find "Love."
Trust issues will be a thing of the past.