BTS Text Message Jokes

I thought this was a rather funny idea for BTS'ers to share their text message jokes.

Remember, terms and conditions still apply, so clean up any foul language.

In 2009 the U.S. Government will start shipping retards away. My eyes watered when I thought of you. Be strong, wear your helmet, and run fast lil buddy!

Hey, do me a favor, text me right back. My friends don't think Special Ed kids can text, but you will show them jerks won't you?

Daily Thought : Some people are like slinkies, not really good for anything, but they sure bring a smile to your face when pushed down the stairs.

[edit on 27-5-2009 by SpartanKingLeonidas]

LOL, i got a good one during the election. Hopefully its ok, but if its not I will delete it:

All caucasians report to the Plantations for Orientation at 6:00 a.m

Get over it! Its not Racist its freakin hilarious, at first I thought they were being serious and was like damn this sucks...

Luckily it was a joke!

reply to post by TheMythLives


I like the one about pigs flying.

If you remember that one, feel free to post it.

This one was humorous as well.

Here are a few I got via email - I hope that's ok:

The roundest knight at King Arthur's round table was Sir Cumference.  He acquired his size from too much pi.

I thought I saw an eye doctor on an Alaskan island, but it turned out to be an optical Aleutian .

A rubber band pistol was confiscated from algebra class because it was a weapon of math disruption.

The butcher backed into the meat grinder and got a little behind in his work.

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

Two silk worms had a race.  They ended up in a tie.

Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.

Atheism is a non-prophet organization.

I wondered why the baseball kept getting bigger.  Then it hit me.

A chicken crossing the road is poultry in motion.

A backward poet writes inverse.

In democracy it's your vote that counts.  In feudalism it's your count that votes.

Don't join dangerous cults: Practice safe sects!


These were hilarious when I first read them, I'm not so sure now.

reply to post by berenike


Keep those coming.

They are under the character limit for text messages, so they are fine with me.

I'll be using every one of those tomorrow morning now.

You got the idea right here. I figured BTS'ers could share text message jokes, and thereby supply each other with ones we might not have.

This is hilarious.

A husband was in big trouble when he forgot his wedding anniversary. His wife told him "Tomorrow there better be something in the driveway for me that goes zero to 200 in 2 seconds flat". The next morning the wife found a small package in the driveway. She opened it and found a brand new bathroom scale. Funeral arrangements for the husband have been set for Saturday.

Two stupid guys in an museum looking at an egyptian mummy.

Guy1:Look so much bandages. A bad accident case.

Guy2:Yeah, car number is also written. BC 1760.

Here are some quotes from Steven Wright:

I'd kill for a Nobel Peace Prize.

Borrow money from pessimists -- they don't expect it back.

A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.

A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

All those who believe in psychokinesis, raise my hand.

The early bird may get the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.

OK, so what's the speed of dark?

If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.

Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.

When everything is coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.

Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.

Hard work pays off in the future; laziness pays off now.

Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.

What happens if you get scared half to death twice?

My mechanic told me, "I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder."

If at first you don't succeed, destroy all evidence that you tried.

A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the bread

To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is research.

The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

The sooner you fall behind, the more time you'll have to catch up.

Everyone has a photographic memory; some just don't have film.

To catch me, you've got to be fast, to find me, you've got to
be smart, but to be me, you must be kidding!

When you were born, you were crying and everyone around you
was smiling.
Live your life so that when you die, You are the one smiling
and everyone around you is crying.

No where on your birth certificate did it say life would be
fair.

Don't be afraid of fear, let it be afraid of you...

Roses are red
Violets are blue
God made me pretty
What happened to you?

If you are naughty go to your room...
If you want to be naughty go to mine...

Friends are like stars, they come and go...
But the ones that stay, are the ones that glow...