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From The Unit Archives!

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posted on May, 21 2009 @ 10:13 AM
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Here are some quickies from our Unit’s archives called the ‘Bible’, handed down by the British Commanding Officers since the 40s! But these are all the vegetarian variety. The extremely hilarious non veg stuff consisting of 330 riotous, side splitting pages can get me banned for posting them here! So sorry folks you’re missing out on the best of the best that would have had you in splits!! Or laughing your darn guts out!

So here are some bland ones! Enjoy!


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He was a Colonel in the army reserves and during a summer training tour took sick and was hospitalized in the officers’ ward. At the hospital he pulled rank, threw his weight around and generally harassed the staff.

One day a G.I on duty in the hospital dressed himself in the white apparel of a surgeon, hurried into the ward, glanced at the Colonel’s chart and ordered the patient to turn on his stomach to receive a rectal thermometer, the patient not to move until he returned.

About a half hour later, a nurse came by and stopped short at the Colonel’s bedside.

“Colonel! She exclaimed. “What are you doing?

“Why, taking my temperature”, he growled. “Anything wrong with that?

“But Colonel”, the nurse cried “With a daffodil?
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“Will you look at that rip in my trousers fly?” shouted the just promoted Rear Admiral. “On second thought”, he went on, “I guess I will have to wear them that way so all the other men can see what I have to put up with.”

“Oh no, you won’t,” his wife countered. “I will mend it right now so all the other women won’t see what I have to put up with!”

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An elderly lady, the wife of a long retired warrant officer, was sitting in her rocking chair knitting, her Persian cat reclining at her feet. Suddenly a fairy appeared and asked the old lady if there was anything she wished for. Yes, was the reply, I would like to be a young woman again. The fairy waved her wand and asked, is there any other wish you would like granted?

Oh yes, I would like a handsome young man.

Turning to the cat, the fairy waved her wand, and in its place rose a fine looking youth. He looked sadly at the girl and sighed, "Now aren’t you sorry you took me to the vet?"
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At the office break, Privates Tom and John were shooting the breeze, when Tom referred to the their squad Sergeant as a spherical S.O.B.

John interrupted, I have come across many S.O.Bs in my time, but what do you mean by ‘spherical’?

I mean, said Tom, he’s an S.O.B any way you look at him.
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DEFT DEFINITIONS


Eskimo : Frigid midget with a rigid digit.



Dinosaur : Massive vassal with a passive tassel.



Adultery : Wrong man in the right place.



Atomic bra : 80 percent fall-out.


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A Laughing Hyena…eats once a week, craps once a month, screws once a year…What the heck he’s laughing about, I don’t know.
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There was a young girl of Darjeeling
Who could dance with such exquisite feeling.
There was never a sound
For miles around
Save, of fly buttons hitting the ceiling!
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There was a young man in Woods Hole
Who had an affair with a mole.
Though a bit of a nancy
He did like to fancy
Himself in the dominant role!
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A pair of panties, brassiers, and a slip was hanging on the line near the women’s barracks one day when all three of them began to gossip.

The brassier said: “I am the best, I cover what those GIs admire”.

The panty said: “Oh no, I'm the best, I cover what they desire”.

The slip shouted: “WILL YOU TWO BE QUIET? I’VE BEEN UP ALL NIGHT!”
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Ok guys, more later! Cheerio!




posted on May, 21 2009 @ 10:24 AM
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reply to post by mikesingh
 


lol Mike... !

OK - I have a naughty limerick for you!
 

There was a young man from Australia
Who painted his bum like a Dahlia
The colors were true
Red, White & Blue
But the smell was somewhat of a failure!
 


IRM :shk:



posted on May, 21 2009 @ 01:28 PM
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reply to post by InfaRedMan
 

Ha! Ha! Gud one!

OK, here's one for the road...

There was a young nun from Siberia
Endowed with a virgin interior.
Until an old monk
Jumped into her bunk
And now she’s the Mother Superior!


Jeeez!



posted on Jul, 17 2009 @ 02:48 AM
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off-topic post removed to prevent thread-drift


 




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