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Battle for my friggin' soul

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posted on May, 18 2009 @ 12:15 PM
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I don't find anger or frustration to be a negative thing, it can sort of speed up development in a way.

I was conflicted a bit between love and hate when I was a teen. I saw things that really bothered me, like the Israel and Palestine conflict. I saw a video one time of an Israeli (or Palestinian, long time ago) being chased by a mob of people, he climbed up a tree, they pulled him down, started beating him and eventual hung him, all to the people cheering and being happy.

Or how it seemed that 90% of the bullies at school would label themselves as "Christians".

So many things that just didn't make sense. For better or worse, I found this little article and it was about the only thing that did make sense, considering the state of human affairs. www.gnosis.org...

I almost think that on a physical level, that humans can never get along. Even when seemingly cooperating, their basic nature is egoistical. And when its ego vs. ego, it's going to be like two black holes trying to consume the other. But in gnosticism, it says that within all people is a spark whether they realize it or not, and that sort of stuck with me. Even if the outward appearance is awful and can't be loved really, there's always that deeper part that allows a person who wants to develop their love of others, to do so.



cdi

posted on May, 18 2009 @ 12:35 PM
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your attitude will be reflected back to you. you have been a member for a number of years so something has occured in your life to bring you to this point. you stated that it is easy to love when you have everything. how about love when you have nothing. i myself became homeless in my early twenties, lost everything except my dignity,integrity,honesty,guitar,some tools and what i could carry. it was dark days but i trusted in the higher equation. i travelled amongst poorer peoples than myself and realised there is nothing greater than sacrifice and humility to a greater good in whatever form it may take. the grand equation is in everything. only love will win. it may be a good thing for you to take a long walk and realise that maybe you are leaving yourself behind. that said i believe all here would be willing to give you their time and knowledge freely if you stand down and realise we all belong to the same ripple in time.
a humble servant to the beautiful.



posted on May, 18 2009 @ 01:03 PM
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I'm a hater too. I'm not the same as you and would never pretend to be just like you. We are the same. We are different. You hate me. I hate you. I totally get this.

Here's some more hate. . .


Originally posted by network dude

When you have to work, sweat, bleed, hurt, and fight for something, you finally get to feel what it is to love. There are so many hurdles we have to jump over in this life. Some are pretty friggin high. Some are spaced out a good bit to give you a little room to relax. But every time you clear one, you feel stronger. You are stronger. Love is a reward for dealing with hate.


This is an idealistic view that "might" help a person get through life. But, from what I've seen, you get past one hurdle to have sh*t thrown in your face. I started with a 10 year plan 9 years ago. It was realistic (go to college, get degrees, get work experience, get a good job, get better job, buy house. . .). These are hurdles. I did my part. But, I am still working my butt off and still in the exact same situation (living situation: same poor living, same go-no-where job). I finished my hurdles... BAM! Bad Economy.

I had a friend of mine try and talk me into a house about five years ago. I said I had no money down, and I didn't have a full time job, so there was no way they'd give me a house. She said...Yeah, they will. I thought she was crazy when she told me about these adjustable rate mortgages. I wouldn't participate in that kind of risk with a part-time job and kids for whom I'm responsible.

Fast forward....why am I being punished for others greed and mistakes? I still haven't a house and now I have not a shot in h3ll of getting a house and I've done nothing wrong!



Originally posted by network dude Attitude is everything. I personally feel that when life gets to the point where I start to question another wake up, I need to get alone and watch the sun rise or set.


The only attitude I've seen get anyone anywhere is a narcissistic, back-stabbing attitude. The takers just keep taking. I've never been much of a brown-noser or back-stabber. I was raised to think hard work would pay off. Stay late at work. Do what others aren't willing to. Go the extra mile. Oh, WAIT> that's called being a push over.

I don't have time to go watch a sun rise. I have to get my kids off to school before I go slave away at a job that pays next to nothing.

This is why I hate.

I was raised with an idealistic "go get em'" attitude.

But, the world is messed up.

I can't be a sell out.

I lack the narcissistic entitlement to get what I want.

So, I just work and work and work.

I'm a hater.



posted on May, 18 2009 @ 02:52 PM
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reply to post by Pamie
 


Actually, you got that totally backwards. You are a lover, not a hater, and here's why:

You say you are not a narcissisistic back-stabber. You have also said that you have kids, and that you go to word and "slave away at a job that pays next to nothing."

Well, lol. While, yes, working at a job that pays nothing, while struggling through a terrible economy and raising children all at the same time may leave you bitter, you still have more love than hate in you. You are honest, hard-working, and providing a decent living to your family. All there is to do, is to raise your kids the same way you were raised.

You also have tyo realize that you are not contributing to this aweful culture of back-stabbing to get what you want. While you may not be able to change the world all by yourself, you are part of those that at least try. As long as you are not contributing to that culture, you on the side of love....or at least, on the right track to leaning more towards that love, and the more people that leans in that direction, the more the world, and humanity, can evolve and change.

That is all that there is to it. Just keep playing your part, and raising your kids that way so they can grow to play their part in the ever-evolving human culture.



posted on May, 18 2009 @ 03:25 PM
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reply to post by In nothing we trust
 


They got you right where they want to. Great feeling is it not?
Spiraling down, ready to crash and burn. Everything seems useless.

It is all just a game. You are playing their game. Play your own.
Remember it is just a game, all of this. Capital F them. Simply refuse.
The people you describe are blinded and caught up in the race, going round and round and round, convinced they are heading somewhere.

Stop the car, look at the ones racing by. That weird feeling on your face is a smile.

It is always much easier to point at someone else.



posted on May, 18 2009 @ 04:30 PM
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reply to post by In nothing we trust
 

Even if I don't understand what this thread is about, I use the title
Here is something :

www.primitivism.com... - The machine in our heads

...
The importance of this self-respect as a prime motivator of human nature can hardly be overstated; it may enable an individual to defy civilization, even in the face of the hatred of the whole modern world. When an individual acquires fundamental self-respect, then s/he will be made a fool no longer, and all the blows of civilization are nothing but the battle scars of a proud warrior. Civilization is powerless against it, because a person who has re-claimed fundamental self-respect cares nothing about the laws and standards of civilization.

This self-respect leads to genuine self-love, the second and decisive step on the path to sanity, for self-love (and happiness in large measure) consists in becoming one's own ideal again, as in childhood. This self-love eventually overflows and becomes love for others and for external nature.
...



The first peace, which is the most important, is that which comes within the souls of people when they realize their relationship, their oneness with the universe and all its powers, and when they realize that at the center of the universe dwells the Great Spirit, and that this center is really everywhere, it is within each of us."

Black Elk - Oglala Sioux








[edit on 18-5-2009 by pai mei]



posted on May, 18 2009 @ 06:51 PM
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reply to post by Pamie
 



I realy do understand where you are coming from. I have yet to make an investment that didn't tank. I almost think I am cursed as far as investing money for the future. I tried to start several side businesses other than my main business that should have been closed three years ago. All the side ones cost money untill I gave up. I bought a beach house when things were good financially. Things are not good financially now and my beach house is worth exactly half of what I paid for it three years ago. So I can't sell it, and I have to keep paying for it. I try to rent it out as often as possible, but this year not so many vacationers. I am less than paycheck to paycheck, but I have two choices here. Give up, or go on. there is no third option. I am not ready to give up. I have worked to hard to make this work and I will die trying, not complaining. So I chose to go through life with a positive atitude as often as possible. I don't have a choice. Negativity works like a virus. You start it and soon everyone around you catch it. I won't be a carrier. In times like this you have to cowboy up. I would give you my last dollar it I realy thought it would help you. I stay happy with thoughts like that. And I try to bring people around me up so I will stay up. Cause down sucks ass. And I don't like the taste.



posted on May, 18 2009 @ 08:11 PM
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Originally posted by In nothing we trust
Somehow I think Christ Jesus suffered from the same internal conflict.


Haha, Jesus didn't suffer at all. He was a fully self realized enlightened being.



posted on May, 19 2009 @ 03:21 AM
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"Hate is thus glory for whom he speaks Jealous"



posted on May, 19 2009 @ 11:55 PM
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reply to post by In nothing we trust
 


Your first post sort of reminded me of this text from the nag hammadi collection, whether its relevant or not its a really interesting read. www.gnosis.org...



posted on May, 20 2009 @ 09:16 PM
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Originally posted by ghaleon12
reply to post by In nothing we trust
 


Your first post sort of reminded me of this text from the nag hammadi collection, whether its relevant or not its a really interesting read. www.gnosis.org...


Indeed



I was sent forth from the power,

Do not be ignorant of me.
For I am the first and the last.

Why, you who hate me, do you love me,
and hate those who love me?
You who deny me, confess me,
and you who confess me, deny me.
You who tell the truth about me, lie about me,
and you who have lied about me, tell the truth about me.
You who know me, be ignorant of me,
and those who have not known me, let them know me.
For I am knowledge and ignorance.
I am shame and boldness.
I am shameless; I am ashamed.
I am strength and I am fear.
I am war and peace.

Give heed to my poverty and my wealth.
Do not be arrogant to me when I am cast out upon the earth,
and you will find me in those that are to come.

Why then have you hated me, you Greeks?
Because I am a barbarian among the barbarians?
For I am the wisdom of the Greeks
and the knowledge of the barbarians.
I am the judgement of the Greeks and of the barbarians.
I am the one whose image is great in Egypt
and the one who has no image among the barbarians.
I am the one who has been hated everywhere
and who has been loved everywhere.
I am the one whom they call Life,
and you have called Death.
I am the one whom they call Law,
and you have called Lawlessness.

I am unlearned,
and they learn from me.
I am the one that you have despised,
and you reflect upon me.

I am control and the uncontrollable.

www.gnosis.org...



posted on May, 20 2009 @ 09:26 PM
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Originally posted by rapinbatsisaltherage

Originally posted by In nothing we trust

Originally posted by spellbound

Love may ease it a little.



Love is a lie ment to manipulate others for your benefit.


If love is a lie, then the concept of a soul is probably BS too. Why bother battling for something that you do not believe can experience love?


Why not believe that we can be better people than we currently are?

Even if it is an unrealistic goal the concept is sound.

The lie is that people are incapable of love without reward.

Altruistic love would be to give without expecting anything in return.

It's kind of like marxism. It sounds good on paper, but falls on it's face when put to the test. Therefore love is a lie. I'm not arguing here, just stating the facts.


[edit on 20-5-2009 by In nothing we trust]



posted on May, 21 2009 @ 09:12 AM
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Originally posted by In nothing we trust


The lie is that people are incapable of love without reward.

Altruistic love would be to give without expecting anything in return.

It's kind of like marxism. It sounds good on paper, but falls on it's face when put to the test. Therefore love is a lie. I'm not arguing here, just stating the facts.


[edit on 20-5-2009 by In nothing we trust]


You have just stated the real definintion of love. It cannot be a lie. People can manipulate situations and sh!t on others feelings, but real love will be there forever. The only way to get it is to give it. And the only way to truely get it is to give it with no expectations. Your heart will guide you even it your mind tries not to go.



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