posted on May, 14 2009 @ 10:09 AM
Seeker – I’ve been thinking about something, and I wanted to get your reaction.
Guru – I hope it’s not a reaction you want.
S – You know what I mean.
G – Go ahead.
S – Ok…a bit of family history first. My aunt has schizophrenia. She was diagnosed at the typical age—her mid 20s—and has been on medication
all her life. She is now in her 60s and lives what, on the outside, seems to be a very limited existence. My father, her brother, exhibited some
symptoms of what would usually be defined as schizophrenia, but he was able to live a fairly normal life without medication. I know, however, that his
internal world was very elaborate. He developed a spiritual cosmology and wrote books about it, some of which were quite successful. It was always his
belief that he was channelling the material in the books, and that he himself was contributing little other than a willingness to be open to the
message. From the outside though, and in talking with him, he came across as overwhelmingly sane. My mother has told me however, that he went through
a very bizarre period in which he seemed to almost lose control of his mind, his perceptions, his thinking. At that time he was in his mid 30s. He
lost interest in socializing and seemed to want to spend every free moment alone in the basement, where he conducted spiritual investigations of
different kinds. Basically, she was freaked out. Anyway, needless to say that I have had a deep interest in schizophrenia for much of my life given
what I was exposed to. More recently I have developed an interest in spirituality. The timeline of this roughly mirrors my father’s own “spiritual
awakening.” I am now in my mid 30s. My question to you is this: is there a link between schizophrenia and spirituality, or the tendency to become
fascinated by spiritual subjects.
G – The short answer is yes. Everything is connected, but some things lie closer together on the infinite mesh of interconnectedness than others.
This is the case with schizophrenia and what is called enlightenment. They are two manifestations of the same phenomenon. In both cases the mind has
come to the end of conventional thought. There are two possible reactions to this. The first is to let go of the mind and the ego. The other is to try
to maintain the mind and ego in the face of the infinite, which is dangerous.
S - Can you explain what you mean by “to the end of conventional thought”?
G – Thought is limited. What the mind can know is limited. What can be known is infinite. When something limited comes up against something
infinite, it reveals itself as being infinitely small. Some people, for whatever reason, have an experience of this infinity, this nothingness out of
which all manifestation springs. When that happens, their consciousness undergoes a revolution. This is what happened to Jesus, to the Buddha, and to
a great many more people who we have never heard of. This is also what happens to what we call schizophrenics, although their consciousnesses are
prevented from undergoing the same revolution due mainly to fear. They are afraid—and this is not a judgement of them—of letting go of their egos,
of their thoughts, and of falling back into that infinite nothingness that they have become aware of. Of course, it is impossible to try to figure out
infinity, and to carry the ego into infinity.
S – You're saying they are refusing to let themselves “go crazy” and in so doing actually go crazy.
G – Crazy is a particularly meaningless word, but for lack of a better one, yes. This analogy might help. Imagine you have been born and raised in
an empty reservoir. In this reservoir, where you have spent all your life, you have gradually filled up a large bag with pebbles. You have loved
finding and examining every one of these pebbles. They are your treasures, and you have put each one of them in your bag for safekeeping. Over time
you have come to associate completely with this collection of pebbles. This bag of little stones has become your identity. It is all that you know of
yourself. Then one day, when your bag has filled up and become rather heavy, water begins to fill up the reservoir. First it is an inch high, then
two, then three. Gradually the water level rises. You are of course alarmed. You have never seen this liquid substance before, and now it is
inundating you. You clutch your bag to protect it from the rising torrent of water. Soon the water has reached your neck, and you have become very
frightened. Now something inside you, some infinitely distant inner voice, tells you that you must let go of your bag of stones in order to swim and
not drown. What, let go of your stones! What does that even mean? You are your stones. If you let go of them you will be nothing. It’s almost better
to drown than let that happen. Now here we have come to the deciding moment. You can put down the bag of stones and swim, or you can hold onto it and
flounder. The bag is your identity, your thoughts, everything that you believe makes you who you are. The bag is your separateness. You cannot keep
it, yet many try to.
S – I think I see.
G – If you try to maintain your ego—which is all about division, creating objects out of the word for the subject that you are to interact
with—then you are going to be overcome with fear. It will seem like infinity itself is lining up in opposition to you. Everyone will seem to be out
to get you. Everything will seem to relate to you. Fear is the result of this.
S – So what happens if you let go of the bag? You become Jesus I suppose.
G – No, you become what you are in essence, which is what Jesus was in essence—pure love. You are that which has always been aware of your
thoughts, of your ego. You become the swimmer instead of the bag of stones.
S – What happens then?
G – The thoughts will still come, and some of them will be very strange indeed, and will seem absolutely correct. You may want to cling onto them.
If you simply let them arise and do not grasp them, they will go back to where they came from. Now you will begin to see what is, you will apprehend
reality in all its glory. I assure you, when you see reality, thoughts will become laughably small in your awareness.
S – Ah….thanks.
G- You are, as always, very welcome.
[edit on 14-5-2009 by Silenceisall]