A letter to the failed mugger

This was actually posted on craigslist.

Posted to Craig's List Personals:
To the Guy Who Tried to Mug Me in
Downtown Savannah night before last.
Date: 2009-03-23, 3:43 AM EST

I was the guy with the black Burberry jacket that you demanded I hand over, shortly after you pulled the knife on me and my girlfriend. You also asked for
my girlfriend's purse and earrings.

I hope you somehow come across this message. I'd like to apologize. I didn't expect you to crap in your pants when I drew my pistol after you took my jacket.Truth is, I was wearing the jacket for a reason that evening,
and it wasn't that cold outside.

You see, my girlfriend had just bought me that Kimber Model 1911 .45 ACP pistol for Christmas, and we had just picked up a shoulder holster for it that evening.
Beautiful pistol, eh?

It's a very intimidating weapon when pointed at your head, isn't it?20I know it probably wasn't a great deal of fun walking back to wherever you'd come from with that brown sludge flopping about in your pants. I'm sure it was even worse since you also ended up leaving your shoes, cellphone, and wallet with me.
I couldn't have you calling up any of your buddies
to come help you try to mug us again.

I took the liberty of calling your mother, or "Momma" as you had her listed in your cell, and explaining to her your situation.. I also bought myself and four other people in the gas station this morning a tank full of gas on your credit card.The guy with the big motor home took 150 gallons and was extremely grateful! I gave your shoes to one of the homeless guys over by Vinnie Van Go Go's,
along with all of the cash in your wallet.

I threw the wallet in a fancy pink "pimp mobile" parked at the curb after I broke the windshield and side window out and keyed the drivers side. I called a bunch of phone sex numbers from your cellphone.They'll be on your bill in case you'd like to know which ones. Ma Bell just shut down the line, and I've only had the phone for a little over a day now, so I don't know what's going on with that. I hope they haven't permanently cut off your service.

I could only get in two threatening phone calls to the DA's office and one to the FBI with it.The FBI guy was really pissed and we had a long chat
(I guess while he traced the number).

I'd also like to apologize for not killing you and instead making you walk back home humiliated. I'm hoping that you'll reconsider your choice of path in life.
Next time you might not be so lucky..

- Alex -

P.S. Remember this motto...... an armed society is a polite society!

That is priceless! I do think he went a little beyond the pale with his revenge, though. He could actually be responsible for getting the mugger killed or life in prison.

Doesn't sound like the would-be mugger was much of a career criminal to have reacted so badly.

fantastic, i hope the mugger finds this letter, and reads it to himself with an ever growing sense of shame and guilt.

2 guys tried to rob me at a rave a few years back, good job i didn't have a gun like this fall had, or I'd probably be on a charge right about now

I dare say two wrongs don't make a right, but in this case..
PWND

That's beautiful I loved the credit card fraud.... Although I do get the feeling the writer used a bit of creative licence I don't doubt that based on a real story! - kudos that gun toting maniacal comedian

reply to post by mrmonsoon


mrmonsoon, how on Earth did you get my letter to that mugger so quickly?

Nah, seriously, funny stuff man.

Good letter. I loved it.

Anyone walking in downtown Savannah at night better be armed. It is a dangerous place.

I always have my 38 S&W with me even in the day time in Savannah. Ga.

IT is a most interesting city. I visit about once a month.

Bloody hell, that was awesome..lol.. can you imagine the look on the muggers face.

All the information posted is as it was sent to me in an email.

PLEASE NOTE: I have not looked for this in any past craigslist posting.

I am not 100% sure it is fact.

Understand, I am not trying to lie or hoax, just explaining I have not confirmed this post.

Since I have not confirmed, please don't take this post as fact.

Instead, take it as it was meant, a funny story that "MAY" be true.