Reaching out for help...*long read*

Hello,

I'm not sure if this is the right forum for this or not, but it's the closest I could get to what I wanted to discuss. Let me introduce myself. I'm Gumerk. A 30 year old dude from Mississippi. I'm a full time Nursing student, and have one more semester to go before I graduate. I'm married to a woman 7 years older than I. She has 2 children from a previous marriage. One is 16 and lives with his father. The other is 19, separated from her husband, and has a one year old. I have no children of my own. Not by choice; I have been active since 14, just bad luck I guess, or infertility. My wife had to have a hysterectomy about 3 years into the marriage, so adoption is probably an option. Well, I was raised a christian. My mother left when I was 5 years old. I can still remember begging her on my knees not to leave the day she was packing. It's funny I can remember that far back, but I guess traumatic events are branded into our memory. My dads mother and her mother helped raised me while my dad worked full time as a butcher. I am the only child of my parents marriage. My sister was born before me, but she only lived 9 days and then she passed. This did something to my mother and I've been told she hasn't been the same since. I was an accident, but a good accident none the less. My grandmother and great-grandmother were very loving and active in my life as a toddler up to a young adult. My grandmother passed on grandparents day back in 94. I walked in to find her in the floor. My great-grandmother passed in 2000. In 92 my father developed a brain infection and had to have surgery. He wasn't expected to live. He made it through surgery but had a stroke after-wards. After a year of physical therapy he could walk again and do all of his daily activities, but his fine motor skills, patience, and mood were greatly affected. I stayed in and out of trouble as a teen, and was locked up many times, including a state funded training school. Well, I finally snapped out of it when I became an adult and had real life changing consequences for my actions. Neither I nor my dad were perfect in our relationship, but we never gave up on one another. In my teen years, he was very sick with the brain infection and the aftermath of the stroke post operation. There was not many times we agreed on anything, and fought like arch enemies. As I matured, we became so close and got to make good on all those years we spent fighting. While we still had our spats now and then, we were basically best friends. He was a diabetic with hypertension, and eventually developed chronic renal failure, peripheral artery disease, along with coronary artery disease. In 88 doctors found a tumor through diagnostic studies, but when they ran the studies again pre-surgery it was gone. A pentecostal preacher had prayed over him the night before. He was very sick. When he was two years old, he choked on a peanut and turned blue. My uncle strapped him to the back of his motorcycle and rushed him to the ER. They said he quit breathing for 10 minutes or so, but they brought him back. In 98 he developed a rare blood disorder and started to bruise/bleed through his skin. The medicine had to be flown in from California, and he got better. I feel like he got through all of this for a reason, as did he. He drove himself to dialysis three days a week, and stayed there from 4-5 hours at a time. This really started to take a tool on his body, but he never quit. Although he had to retire because of disabilities, he still worked down the road from our house as a butcher at a local store. Eventually he took a trip to UAB in Alabama to get tests run in preparation to be on the kidney donor list. Well, they thought he may of had some blockage in his coronary arteries and sent him home to get it checked out locally. The heart-cath showed 3 arteries blocked 85-90% and one blocked 100%. He needed open heart surgery immediatly. MORE TO COME

[edit on 10-5-2009 by Gumerk]

He had the open heart surgery and it was a complete success. He recovered and returned to work. Well in January of 08, his big toe started to become necrotic, and things went down hill. He had three surgeries from that time to the month of May to try and get good blood flow to the toe and preserve the extremity. I took care of my dad and did his wound care all this time. There were some very special moments as his care giver that money could never buy. I was just in my first semester of nursing school, and learning all about these disease processes. Well on May 14, 2008 we spent our last times together here on Earth. The home health nurse had just left and did the weekly dressing change. She would do it once a week, and I would do it the rest. This cuts down on cost and aims at educating the care giver at home and supervising the progress. We had a small garden planted and the vegetables were just starting to come up good. It hadn't rained in almost three weeks but radar showed a huge line of rain coming our way. We both went out on the porch to watch the rain come in. He loved to do this. I prepared the fertilizer and this was my first time doing it. My dad walked out to the garden on his walker and in pain from his foot, gave me a quick demonstration on how to throw it out. I saw that he was in pain and said "I'm sorry to get ya out here dad," but he responded saying "That's alright son, at-least you have sense enough to ask for help when you don't know how to do something." He watched me fertilize the garden and reminded me several times not to put to much on the veges because it could burn them up. He also said "If we don't get much rain, some of them may burn up, but if it rains like crazy they will shoot up strong." The last words my dad said to me were, "Be sure not to put to much on those cucumbers, cause it will sure burn em up." At this time the sky was just starting to sprinkle rain. As I stopped to look at the garden now that it was finished, I heard a noise from my dad as the air rushed out of his lungs. I called for him and he did not answer. I ran to him and he was slumped down in his chair. I checked his pulse and got nothing. Screamed for my wife to call 911 and we got him down on the carport and started CPR. We tried our best, as did the volunteer fire dept., the EMT's, and the doctor and medical team before they called it. It rained like crazy all that day and the next. The garden was beautiful. As my wife and I were in sight of the hospital, we saw a bolt of lightning strike where the ER was around the time they pronounced. After the physician telling me the news and giving the organ recovery people the green light, I went in to be with his body alone. I thanked him from the bottom of my heart for everything he had ever done, and for never giving up. I even opened his eyelids just to look into his eyes one last time. As I was crying and talking to him, I could have sworn by my life I saw his chest move up and down one time, like a respiration. They didn't do an autopsy and just called it sudden cardiac death. Anyway, now that you know my story and have a basic overview, here I sit today typing to you all and feeling like I know just as little about the answers to life as I did at birth. It really is a helpless feeling at times. I have enjoyed reading many stories here on ATS, and am really happy this place exists. My dad once told me with all sincerity that as a young boy he and several friends witnessed a red orb float down the street they lived on and vanish into the window of a house. The next morning, the young girl in that home was found dead. He only shared that with me and had a hard time talking about it. I've had a few paranormal things happen in my life, but nothing earth-shattering. My friend and I literally passed through a vehicle we should have hit going 80 mph and joy-riding. We both turned white and never talked about it again. MORE TO COME





[edit on 10-5-2009 by Gumerk]

Now about the help I'm looking for. I've always been interested in the paranormal and the after-life, but only gave it thought every now and then. Well, since my dad passed, it is a daily thought process. I have prayed and prayed. I've asked for answers from God. I've prayed and cried out to God for enlightenment. I'm to the point where this is not enough. He hasn't answered me yet. Walking around not knowing is just not enough for me. I feel it my duty to find out what is out there. What is beyond this fleshy body? It's almost an obsession. Heck, it probably is an obsession. I'm starting to look into other avenues of truth seeking that I once was close minded to. Like this astral projection, I'm really interested in it, and hope one day to do it. I wont lie and say I'm not mad at God. I'm furious. Maybe I don't have that right, but I'm furious as to our ignorance. Why are we left here on earth with no answers? Why are we left to cry and mourn for others? Why can we not talk to those that have passed on? What separates us? I am looking forward to a carer in nursing, and I love caring for others. It gives me a very good feeling, but if I could make a carer out of investigating the paranormal and what is after this life, I would. My question is this. Can any of you please point me in the right direction of any gifted legit people that would work with me to reach the other side? Is that possible? I feel like it is. I'm a little ignorant when it come to this and don't wanna be lead down the wrong path. I would just like to get in touch with someone that has this gift to talk to those spirits that have passed on. Is it evil? I don't know. I would like to think it is not, and only a special gift. Either way, I've got to find out what the heck is going on past this life, or give it a valid effort at least. If this it, that really sucks and is my worst fear and worst possible thing I can imagine. I want all of humanity to live and not die. Every one of us. I just can't blindly wrap my mind around this whole burn in hell for eternity concept anymore either. How in the heck is that helpful? How are those people gonna change if they are burning in hell forever? Anyway, sorry yall for the long story. I'm just looking for help, because I have not been able to get there on my own. Thank you for any and all consideration and God bless you all.

[edit on 10-5-2009 by Gumerk]

Wonder and full story my friend.....

Try this : www.victorzammit.com...

Keep seeking truth where ever and when ever it may lay before you.

reply to post by Gumerk



There is no answer for you. We live 'here', everything else is 'there'. Unfortunately for me, I remember my sentencing to be 'here', I remember what it is to be 'there', and I still don't have a clue what is expected of me 'here' that will convince 'god' of my continued existence, or complete destruction when my incarnation 'here' is complete. People that claim to talk to the deceased are charlatans, nothing more, nothing less. We 'here' are different than we are 'there'. Some are assigned their life 'here', some choose their life 'here' (in my case). Everybody you, I, or anybody has known that has 'passed on', as some call it, are different people 'there'. Whatever they were 'here' is gone, their task, test, etc... is done.

It's difficult to put this in terms that we can understand. To fit an memory of an experience that's alien to our current experience and frame of reference is difficult to say the least. Knowing what I know, I cannot offer reassuring words, and you have my apologies if it just confuses things.

My friend, before this thread escalates if it does, let me briefly as a 2 1/2 year member of ATS(ignore the registered date). If a atheist makes it to this thread, ignore them. There is some who know to stay out of foreign waters, and there is some who love to terrorize them.

My mother of 39 years of age died Novemeber 12th, 2008.

I'm only 20.


I'm left with, what feels like nothing, but I know it's not.

You've been handed a #stick of life, like the most of us have(sorry, please warn me if you have to but I believe this is a mature enough conversation...)


What I know has gotten me through my loss, is not just God, in fact God can't do half of what you can do for yourself.... God can help, God can make amazing things happen, but it's up to you to recognize that just maybe, this wasn't an ordinary event, just maybe, a phrase, or someone saying something to you, or someone smileing at you, isn't just life, maybe it's a connection to a higher level of life.

I'm no expert but what I've learned is searching the path of enlightenment is strictly within yourself, it can only be brought on by yourself, you may find certain items that can help benefit your enlightenment, but nothing will make you enlightened but your own self, and your own thoughts, and your own philosophies.

The first step of enlightenment is what you're already at, typical every day is no longer enough, you want to know whats over there, and in the back of your brain, in your imagination, it's pure bliss, something that can be only replicated on this planet by 1 feeling, Love.

A friend of mine who was a monk, in South Korea, that helped me in real life with my situation, told me very wise words....something along the lines of;

"When you really want to do something, you won't have to try, it will just happen"

He didn't mean not to try, he simply meant not to try to hard.... I tried to hard, and I realized that searching enlightenment is a very powerful thing, something that can overwhelm your mental stability when you find it, and your concept of this world. Another smart thing he said, that I'll never forget is long as I live, and that helped me very much was;

"You can't fill a quart with a gallon"

So if you're coming in here to receive information, be careful what you ask, especially when you do become enlightened, which if you love, and you live, and you have the slightest bit of imagination, you can do.

How to become enlightened.....

For me, lots of time by myself, time to think and believe, philosophize, make your own world and see it with the break of day, imagine peace, not world peace nothing complicated, serenity, you by a streaming river with birds in the sky and fish in the river, knowing everything is connected and everything is equal, and on the other side there is no pain.

I wish I could tell you more, but it'd be a book. I say, God is what you believe, not what you're told. In any right mind, this place is hell.

Also, I find this might help you..



Good luck, any specific questions I'll do my best to answer.

I am sure the Spiritualist church will be able to help you.

National Spiritualist Association of Churches

Gumerk, I feel your pain. My father committed suicide 3 months before I was born, in 79. My mother died November 15th 08. Today is the first mother's day without her. It's hard man, real %&(#in' hard. I got hit with everything you were writing about too.
Before mom passed, I was usually depressed. Several suicide attempts. Atheist. Every night since she passed, I lay there wondering about my death. Somehow the crazed suicidal boy has come to be afraid of that final moment.
Up to this point, I haven't been able to understand everything so far. I don't believe that there is something after, but I wish there was. I try as hard as i believe i can to get some belief. If i could just astral project, or 1 obe, 1 nde, something, anything. it's like my mind died and went to hell; with my mom .

I guess I don't really have much more to say. I don't leave many comments here, but I wanted you to know that you at least are not alone in what you're feeling. Hopefully someone here has the answer we are both looking for. And if you find it, let me know .

www.abovetopsecret.com...

Love and blessings to you.

Thank you all for the replies, and I'm checking all of the input out. I've got my final exam tomorrow, and after that I will be able to dive into more of the input. It's truly a gift having other people to share your thoughts with and get feedback on them...Gum

[edit on 10-5-2009 by Gumerk]

reply to post by Gumerk


Hey Gumerk,
You might find the following website to be of some help in your search for answers, there are literally hundreds of stories about people who have had signs, messages and/or contact with loved ones who have passed over.

After Death Communication Site

I have cried tears of frustration many times in the past over some of the questions you yourself ask, while other times I've just felt terribly angry. It does indeed feel like we have been abandoned, with no clear idea of where we come from, what/who created us, why we are here, where we go after we leave here and so forth...I feel your angst . I believe there are answers though, but they do not come in one little religious book. There are ancient texts which talk about our origins and these story is pretty much the same the world over , in all cultures. You could maybe start with those in your search for answers as well as checking out the site I linked you to. The Sumerian texts are the oldest, but avoid Zecharia Sithcin's version, he exaggerates and ad-libs too much and sometimes just makes things up.

As for reputable mediums, try one of the famous ones like John Edwards...you may need to go on a waiting list but it is worth it for the real deal.

Take care.

Gumerk,

I totally hear you and will share what I have done to help with the exact questions that plague you at this time.

My brother passed last year on April 30th at the age of 26. Me and him were only two years apart and it has really taken me quite some time to get over the fact that he is not coming back. But, I have figured out ways to still talk to him, hug him, and listen to him.

I am talking about astral projection. I have helped many on this thread for years about the subject, and I myself have been interested in it for about fifteen years. I have been actively projecting for about ten of them years, and would not give up the gift for the world.

While projecting, I am not sure if it is all in my head or if I am actually talking to my brother. I have no idea. But, what I do know, is to me it seems VERY real. I am able to ask him questions, feel him, hold him, and anything else you can do while alive. The other difference is you are not your physical self. I cannot prove to you that any experiences with passed family members are genuine, and it may just open up a plethora of more questions on reality and dreams in general, but it is such a worthwhile experience.

I am at work right now, but I will be posting more later on tonight and will U2U when I have some time. I believe astral projection is a valid method of getting advice from loved ones who are no longer here, and being able to have any conversations - even if they may be short due to the short nature of projections usually - it is still a wonderful experience.

When I see my brother in the astral it is just like if he as alive. He tells me to stop crying and suck it up, that he is doing great where he is, and he is also able to answer questions about anything I might ask him. Sometimes the answers are a bit cryptic but I believe that is left for us to figure it out. Not everything can be handed to us.

I have used the Monroe Technique since middle school to practice OOBE as well as dream signs for lucid dreaming. Both lucid dreaming and astral projection allow you the ability to live, laugh, and enjoy life with the people who you may not be able to see when you are awake. I highly suggest you look into this and promise you that with practice you will be able to finally do it.

I must run for now, but I will be getting back to you. For now, any questions you can ask and ill answer them when I return. I wish you the best and hope you can stay positive during such tough times.