Struggling to Adapt

First, let me begin by saying I love this place. I have the utmost respect for the luxury of being a member.

However, as of late I've become confused and overly cautious to voice my opinion for fear of reprisal. ( Warnings, posts deleted, point deductions.)

A while back there was a mass mailing regarding "invertebrates" and having thick skin. More recently, an emphasis on and overtures toward civility and decorum.

I am struggling to find acceptable "tone" that suits my posting style yet meets new paramaters and guidelines. Admittedly, my style can be snarky at times and yet what flies on some days gets busted on others. Often, I probably deserve my penalty, but can sincerely say, on a few occassions I feel it is over bearing and unjust.

Honestly, I strive to be "civil" but if I wanted to be schooled in etiquette, I'd be hanging out at Mrs. Manners or Martha Stewart. I enjoy passionate debates and posting with voracity. Otherwise, it tastes like vanilla ice cream or the weak sauce at Taco Bell.

I also admit that I can often display sense of humor failure that is misconstrued as sarcasm, being combatitive or personal attacks. I often employ self imposed cooling off periods before responding and strive to not use this place as anger management replacement or tit for tat ping pong arguments . Often I falter. I enjoy the 50 yard dash intensity over the long drawn out marathon. I admit I'm no brainiac and have some dirt under my fingernails. But that's just who I am. I rarely back down when challenged.

After all. I'm unique, just like everybody else.

Any further suggesstions or advice is greatly appreciated. Above all, I am trying to remain here and attempting to blend in while maintaining my identity.

Without wax...Kinda Kurious.

[edit on 8-5-2009 by kinda kurious]

[edit on 8-5-2009 by kinda kurious]

reply to post by kinda kurious

Any further suggesstions or advice is greatly appreciated. I'm trying to blend in while maintaining my identity.

Suggestion:


Stay you...you always bring fresh views as well as entertaining ones to most of the threads you partake in.


Hopefully the MOD(s) that censor you catch on to the wit rather than looking for the negative...

Originally posted by kinda kurious
However, as of late I've become confused and overly cautious to to voice my opinion for fear of reprisal. ( Warnings, posts deleted, point deductions.)

A while back there was a mass mailing regarding "invertebrates" and having thick skin. More recently, an emphasis on and overtures toward civility and decorum.

Here's the easy answer:

Every time you post, consider the possibility that the person reading could be a 6'6" Military Chaplain who has a black belt, zero patience for foolishness and also lives downstairs in your basement.

How would you type then?



I know, it's a stretch, but I'm trying.

Honestly, grasping the notion that members are REAL PEOPLE and not just a sac of pixels helps a great deal.

The idea behind civil discourse is that no matter how it's done, it shouldn't cause someone to want to throttle another.

Thin skin, however, is a different matter, but I don't think it applies much as far as civility is concerned. It's been my experience that the more someone posts and gets replies, the quicker they find that taking things personally isn't a realistic reaction.

Getting a flaming reply to a post is something everybody reacts to (including mods). Getting a civil reply disagreeing with their post is what 'thin-skinned' people get upset over. It's up to them to grow and learn from those experiences.

Am I making any sense?

KK, I love this place also. But lately I haven't wanted to do much posting for fear of chastisement.

I've never been warned or spoken to about any post I've made while here.

The recent problem of negative posting is confusing to me. I don't fully understand what negative posting is.

Is this post negative? I don't know.

You've asked a good question. I hope we get some satisfaction because I want to continue to come here and express my thoughts on subjects discussed.

I'm not a trouble maker and not hateful. I don't knowingly post anything that might hurt someone.

I just don't feel the freedom to post my thoughts that I once had.

I'm being honest and hope no one tells me if I don't like it here I can post somewhere else. That would be rude and snarkey because I don't want to post anywhere else. I want to be here.

It's sort of like a small splinter in my foot and I need to get it out. I need to feel at home and comfortable here again.

Originally posted by dizziedame
The recent problem of negative posting is confusing to me. I don't fully understand what negative posting is.

Have you ever known someone who, for no apparent reason, just puts down every idea or suggestion you make?

I have... lots of times.

On ATS, I believe they're the ones who haunt a certain forum (pick any one) only because they cannot for the life in them agree with anything in it. Take Aliens and UFO's, for instance. If someone has their mind made up that there could be no such thing as aliens EVER and that all UFO's were mistaken birds airplanes, outright lies and fabrications, why on earth would they do nothing but focus on that forum alone just to deny everything in every thread that gets posted? It's as if they get their kicks out of trashing it ALL.

That's negativity.

reply to post by masqua


this is a really good point. I've posted on a few threads where I thought i had something to say or a legitimate question to ask but it quickly became clear to me that everybody else was in a parallel universe. while naturally i prefer to think my universe makes better sense, trying to straighten everybody else out is futile so after a few tries I unsubscribe to the thread and move on. why ruin their discussion when I'm not contributing anything or learning anything.

Originally posted by earlywatcher

I thought i had something to say or a legitimate question to ask but it quickly became clear to me that everybody else was in a parallel universe.

I understand that totally, having been in similar situations lots of times. It's as if the focus is too narrowly defined by the other posters and they are unwilling, or even incapable of acknowledging your contribution.

All you can do is interject once or twice, hoping for a light to come on, but it maybe just ain't gonna happen.

Best thing to do in a case like that is to fall back, research YOUR OWN idea and start a completely different thread. Don't even link to the other thread at all, but focus only on your own evidence and conclusions





I should add that if it's a very specific topic, like a particular event, then a new thread isn't a good idea as it would be deemed a duplicate. In that case, your only recourse is to keep trying in the existing thread.

[edit on 8/5/09 by masqua]

Hey there KK. I went through the same difficulties as you at one time. It felt like I was getting in trouble almost daily and became frustrated as well.

The best piece of advice I can give is to 'post unto others as you would have them post unto you.' I know that might sound sickly sweet but it will save you a ton of headaches. Before pressing submit, ask yourself how you would feel if what you were writing to another person would be written to you. If it's hurtful or a personal attack, then rephrase your post.

The second best piece of advice is to never go after the poster but instead go after the post. Instead of dissecting the member you are responding to or insulting them, dissect the information or errors in their post... with respect.

It also might not hurt to pretend for a while that the staff is reading all of your posts for approval before submission. I know that sounds silly but I did that at one time. Pretend your posts were like the anonymous posts that had to be approved before being public. Before pressing submit, ask yourself if your posts are on topic quality that would be approved.

None of the above is official (except for the 2nd bit of advice above)- just little steps I personally took to tone down my aggression.

If a topic is a hot button for you, walk away for a bit to cool down. Or write a post and come back to it and read it again before submitting it. Pretend like the members you are posting to were people you were speaking to face to face and not over an anonymous message board.

Etc., etc. All of the above may not work for you but hopefully you can find little bits that could benefit you. Best of luck! Please feel free to u2u me at any time if you need some help or if you want to post something but feel it may be a T&C violation. Eventually it's pretty easy to get a hang of.

One thing that speaks for you is that you are definitely trying to take a look at your style for improvement (although I admit I'm not terribly familiar with your posts). So that's a step in the right direction. One thing I'd never want is for posters to be on egg shells and looking around every corner for the mod hammer. It's ok to be wry but the best rule of thumb is to always refrain from attacking the member instead of the post.

Honestly, I strive to be "civil" but if I wanted to be schooled in etiquette, I'd be hanging out at Mrs. Manners or Martha Stewart. I enjoy passionate debates and posting with voracity. Otherwise, it tastes like vanilla ice cream or the weak sauce at Taco Bell.

Nice way to put your feelings.

I am not like yourself in that I do not see the need to argue over things. They are or they are not!! We're all unique as you say.

I should have double the post count I have, but I always review my post before sending it to the doldrums! Just use this function as a buffer between you and the post you were to send - a second chance if you like. Imagine if we had this in real life!! If it is not worth it, walk away and log out.

ATS should not be a battle ground for anything. Don't take personal what is said because typing is so much easier than saying to one's face - think about this the next time you post and use it to your advantage.

Originally posted by masqua
That's negativity.

No, actually it's not negativity, it's trolling.

You only presented the negative side to trolling, while there is a positive side of it too. Continuously going into the aforementioned forums and non-stop pushing of the agenda FOR it, without accepting the same principles (that being that maybe they all WERE airplanes, and birds, and fabrications) has to also be taken into account.

Either way is not good, they both are an agenda, and they both are trolling.


AB1

reply to post by kinda kurious


kinda kurious, I created this thread with newer members, like you, in mind.

Making High-Quality Threads : Ask and I'll Point You In The Right Direction

Civility and decorum are often hard for new people who do not "know the ropes" so to speak.

High-quality threads include decorum and civility, as well as using words to formulate an intelligent opinion.

I for one, hope to see you over on that thread there, and I will see you around ATS I'm sure.

reply to post by SpartanKingLeonidas



Kinda Kurious has been here for over 2 years.

I wouldn't exactly call him a "new member"

reply to post by blupblup


Ah.

Well yeah, I can see your point.

I won't retract the previous thread though.

Still new members out there.

Originally posted by kinda kurious
A while back there was a mass mailing regarding "invertebrates" and having thick skin. More recently, an emphasis on and overtures toward civility and decorum.

I can simplify the intent of both alerts/threads into two concise ideas...

(1) -- Don't assume someone who disagrees with you is attacking you, or is a disinfo agent.

(2) -- Don't get into the habit of constantly posting negativity, purely for the (common) online sport of dissension.


There... that's all there is to it.

reply to post by SkepticOverlord

(2) -- Don't get into the habit of constantly posting negativity, purely for the (common) online sport of dissension.

I couldn't agree more buddy!

reply to post by kinda kurious


Hi,
I hope this comes out right and it's probably only me. Every time I saw your avatar I quickly passed you by or wanted to make a comment. At first glance it looked like KKK, rather Ku Klux Klan and the hat fit the picture.

It was only after viewing it closely that I realized I was mistaken and the KK means Kinda Kurious and the hat was nothing to fear it's a small child wearing a dunce cap. Then I felt bad I had came to such a conclusion and error.

I admit it scared me and I am white. I have a lot of that KKK stuff near where I live.

It's probably just my imagination but thought I would tell you I find nothing wrong with your posts. Ive only read a couple.

Pay no attention to me just a passing thought.

Like the poster above said "Be yourself" we all make mistakes and usually learn from them. I thinks it's constructive criticism. We all get it.

I love this place, too. I don't fear the mods, as I can play by the rules. The thing with me is that if someone disagrees with your opinion they say you push disinfo. That has been happening to me, anyways. I seldom post anything that is not a fact and when I do make an opinion, it is just that. I have no disinfo to push. I don't care what other people think and I am certainly not here to change minds. I am here to learn and discuss.

reply to post by masqua


Whew, thank you for spelling that out for me.

I felt like I was boxed in and it didn't feel good.

I fully understand now and am free at last to continue as I have been posting.

Again, thank you. I can be a bit thick headed sometimes.

I think you should just include more poultry products in your diet.
THAT, and remembering that sarcasm style humor is really hard to telegraph through text.

I've always had a dry sense of humor, and sarcastic. Going back and reading some of my own posts, MY OWN POSTS, I couldn't figure out if I was being a jerk, or trying to be funny.

reply to post by kinda kurious

Yes i have not been here that long, but I cooled my jets a bit, they don't want things getting out of control, which is understandable.
I noticed you don't have many foe's so you must not be to harsh.
Some of the people here get out of control if they don't want to believe something, so you post a source and they shut up and go away.

I had a friend who you would think was full of Bull, but I know for a fact his girl friend was on cover of Playboy. One reason I drove both of them to Chicago to Hefners Mansion, and I know he was a Black belt in Karate because I trained with him. The part about the diamonds and China, but yea, if any one ask they were dirty stones that's all I know.
This is one of the things some people want it certified with three witnesses, and then they will still argue. Bull headed if your wrong your wrong ,if your right your right, big deal, live and learn
Don't let things get to you, try not to offend anyone, or be mean, treat them the way you would like to be treated don't let some Joker, work you, see above his ingnorance.

Get in there and do it the worst thing could happen, you get 30 days in electric chair.