Originally posted by Oni x x
Originally posted by tigpoppa
to cure emotional abuse i would advise using physical abuse.
I would love to tell you what I shouted out once I read this, but I do not think it would be productive in this discussion, so I am moving on with the
topic at hand.
There has been soooo much good advice already given. I will add...
Ask her where she sees herself 20 years from now...still miserably putting up with abuse? HE won't change! SHE is the one who has to break the cycle
of violence (total disrespect) by getting out of the abusive relationship.
She may be afraid of not knowing how to support herself, especially if she has never worked outside the home. Does he control the finances?
She needs to formulate a plan (and keep it to herself or share it with a trusted friend, like you), to support herself, to gain control over her share
of the finances.
Is there a Womens Shelter where she could go when she decides it's time to leave? (So far, the only decision she has made is the decision to STAY
with her abuser, so deciding to leave is monumental for her.) Or will she be able to arrange ahead of time for a place to stay?
She needs to understand how to obtain a restraining order, if necessary.
She needs to be able to buy a can of pepper spray and be prepared to use it on him (whether she actually does or not).
People stay in relationships because they get something out of them. Until she decides she no longer needs to put up with abuse, there is nothing you
can do for her but enjoy her company as a friend.
Her self-esteem has been damaged. She will not have the self-respect and dignity she deserves by living with this partner.
I assume her children are grown/can take care of themselves, or remain with their father for support. She must understand that they think this abusive
relationship is normal. If for anything, she needs to end this abusive relationship as the ultimate service to her children, to show them that a life
of abusive is not normal. Her children may question her leaving at first, but she needs to remain strong and continue her life as an example of a
She has been made to feel powerless by her abuser. It is not a marriage but a prison sentence, or worse, being held captive (as a pow, a kidnap
victim, etc.). Sometimes there is even the Stockholm Syndrome.
One last thing...the person who really feels powerless is her ABUSER. When she leaves, he will no longer have a victim. He will do all he can to
persuade her to return, so he can demonstrate to himself how "powerful" he is. He may sweet talk her, send her flowers, with a loving voice promise
how he'll never be abusive again blah blah blah. Her ears need to deafen to these pleas.