When Words Can Kill: 'That's So Gay'

Every single kid gets called gay by older kids. Every single one. I was in the group of kids who got picked on when we were younger, it's a part of growing up. You can't coddle a kid and expect him to be ok around other kids who are older than himself. It happened to me and I learned to get over it. I agree that this kid needed some life lessons, aka toughening up.

And to whoever said he was gay... he was 11. He probably had no idea whether or not he was gay or anything.

He was probably just a nerdy little kid, WHICH ISN'T A BAD THING DON'T TAKE THAT OUT OF CONTEXT, whom didn't get along with most of the older guys (didn't play sports). They did what all middle schoolers and high schoolers do and called him names.

It freaking happens.

he should have watched milk.......

Mod Note: One Line Post – Please Review This Link.

[edit on 4/16/2009 by AshleyD]

Originally posted by Wertdagf
If she wasnt such an ignorant mother she could have prevented this. Seems parents these days are to worried about "Lost" tv show then preparing theselves to raise a child.

I found this quite a foolish remark. We have no real information concerning this childs home life or if he had made request not to go to school or if had made any earlier attemps or threats of suicide.

Mental health care for children has always been poor. This child was clearly not as resiliant as other children. I suspect it may have always been this way.


Today if you look in any parenting magazine, you will find page after page of adverts promoting drugs to "normalise" children.

This coupled with the failure to understand childhood depression (which often progresses in adulthood) has left many children with poor mental healthcare.

One point: If children are so tough why are so many adults messed up by their childhoods

reply to post by rapinbatsisaltherage


Neither side is right.

The kid who was gay was wrong for killing himself, and the bullies were wrong for the obvious. The teachers were also wrong from not being preventive.

To put the blame on one side is wrong (I know you are not doing that, just speaking generally).

Ah, heck, lets face the facts here, some humons are simply defective from birth. Like someone said earlier in this thread, not everyone is the same as you or me. Blame the parents, bad genes are probably to blame. I know when I see some messed up parents, their kids are usually pretty messed up too. Same with messed up kids, their parents are quite often pretty defective too. You can't expect something defective to operate like it's not defective. Heck, when I was young, I knew some kids that if you stuck your tongue out at them they would run off bawling to mama. It's the same reason why we have hoards of people on welfare .. defective humons .. humons that can't seem to manage and control their own lives even when their own lives depend upon them having to do so. This sort of thing will continue to happen so long as defective humons with bad genes are allowed to continue to breed and pass their defectiveness onto their descendants. Seriously, defective people should not be allowed to breed.

reply to post by Divinorumus


How dare you say such violent words! You horrible human being...

Star for the truth.

Its all about how you play your cards...if you are dealt a bad hand, and then play it bad - you are in for a rude awakening.

I do not want to sound like a heartless bastard, as I know these parents must be devastated...but I am speaking on the ground level here. I do not tend to let my emotions rule over me.

Originally posted by HiAliens
What do people think should happen to those kids, especially if they admit to it?

1) Juvenille Hall
2) Lynching
3) Fine
4) Expulsion
5) Parents punished

I have no idea, but I think something should happen.

I agree somthing should be done but I dissagree the kids should be punnished,

Kids will be kids, name calling and teasing is not a crime! its a part of growing up, I'm quite shure you did the same as did I.

I blame our times.

I'm only 28, but I can still see how the last 10 years have changed our society so much. we've all got our internets, games, networking, instant gratification, PLACES TO HIDE AWAY. its far too easy for a child now to bury there head in somthing detatched from reality,

when reality finaly hits them, there not prepaird.

I'm very young, but when I was a teen the internet had not really taken off. I couldent go "post a blog" on my feelings, there wasent manny places to hide away in an alternate place.

so I don't blame anyone but the way things are now.

I do beleive in the last 20 years were moving too fast without adapting/evolving, humans are the same as they were thousands of years ago, but now were overloaded with stuff that developing children can't rly cope with.

WERE NOT MENT TO GO THIS FAST YET.

and this is what happends.


thats sounds like I'm blaming the internet.. well not exactly, no, but the whole of our modern world.

soloution? I don't know.. sorry.

When willl we learn if this boy was on anti-depressants?
Check out this site, there is a lot of info there.

suicide and anti-depressants

"Why are psychiatrists and doctors still prescribing these "antidepressant/antipsychotic" drugs?
Why are these drugs continuing to be prescribed when case after case of violent behavior, murder and suicide seem to stem directly from them? Many antidepressants currently have a "black box" warning (see above) for children and adolescents, and the warning may be expanded to include adults. Along with that warning came warnings of worsening of depression in the initial use, and suicide attempt, mania and hostility with any abrupt change in dose whether it be up or down."

I read the article (mostly) did i miss a part where it said he left a note saying "I killed myself because bullies told me i was gay" or are we totally relying on the uninformed mothers guess as to the reason he killed himself?

Sure, its easy to demonize bullies. Hell it may even be true. But unless he left a note or told someone why he was having suicidal thoughts it could have just been an underlying chemical imbalance that went untreated for a long time.

I think the problem is very similar to 20 or more years ago, because children where committing suicide from feeling austrocized at school when I was in school, and I still remember the ethics games they used to come up with, such as a lifeboat that had enough spaces except for one. A 6 year old boy hung himself because he was the only one in his class room that was left out of the boat. Blame his parents? I don't know if his parents were informed that such a public humiliation had occurred even. I remember talking to my teacher in high school and refusing to participate in one of their ethics games and citing his case as an example of why this was not ethical at all. I ended up writing a minority report.

Now this was before home computers. Parents are very busy, and very tired in the evening and children often don't speak up about their concerns, boys in particular as they're less verbally wired to begin with and often have a hard time articulating their feelings. This isn't so much parenting in specific, but I do believe the best approach is a kind of conscious parenting where one should realize and forsee the difficulties that could be facing your shy child, or your outgoing child (especially if they were ever subjected to criticism or abuse or bullying themselves) so that you can second guess different scenarios.

As a mother of 5 boys I've read quite a few parenting books and consciously teaching your children to reach out to other children, especially those who are shy, or withdrawn, or timid, those who sit alone at lunch, and start to talk to them. Its something I've tried to teach my kids to do, and they're pretty accepting of others, though they sure pick up what they think is "cool" fast.
So teaching sensitivity and how to befriend others is to me a part of teaching how to be human and have a heart. It needs to start young.

[edit on 16-4-2009 by mystiq]

[edit on 16-4-2009 by mystiq]

reply to post by rapinbatsisaltherage


Children today simply don't have to endure consequences for their actions. Their parents protect them from reality so they simply don't understand what they're doing is wrong.

Basically what I'm saying is that many, many parents are raising monsters.

People need to start being held accountable.

The bullies
The parents
The schools

As to the mother of the victim. I'm sure she had a very difficult time but when your child is attacked over and over, it's time to make something change. If you can't stop the bullies because the the school and/or parents refuse to do anything, you take the child out of that school.

I'm sure there will be a bunch of comments like suck it up and buy a helmet. That's great and all but that's not constructive or helpful in any way. Basically what you're saying is let the child be abused. Some kids can take it, some can't but all are affected by the bullying/abuse for the rest of their lives. That's the reality of it.

There are too many trophies given out.
There are too many parents telling their children that they're perfect, special or have done a wonderful job because they got straight c- 's in school. No responsibility is taught. No consequences are taught. No life lessons are taught.

Some people here make bullies seem like they are a three headed beast with no brains , who just want to destroy other kids life´s

For all we know the kid could have some kind of mental disorder.

reply to post by dracodie


I'm sure the child did have some issues but that didn't give the other children the right to bully him.

Some people are mentally stronger and can take the abuse while others like this child, cannot and we know what happened.

But it's not black and white. Why does the bully, bully? Is he/she being bullied at home? maybe being abused ? etc...

Originally posted by TrentReznor

I agree somthing should be done but I dissagree the kids should be punnished,

Kids will be kids, name calling and teasing is not a crime! its a part of growing up, I'm quite shure you did the same as did I.

The excuse "kids will be kids" is the lamest excuse and the cowards way out of a situation like this. Kids are this way (bullies) because parents let them get away with this kind of behavior.

But that's fine - if you say kids will be kids, then this behavior will continue. But I guarantee you that the victims of bullying who didn't stand up for themselves will always fall into one of four categories:

1. Survive, but haunted by the memories of how they were treated the rest of their lives
2. Survive and become bullies themselves, possibly even violent offenders later in life
3. Suicidal
4. Suicidal, but not before they go on a killing spree

If you really think it's okay for kids to be kids this way then you have no right to be surprised when you hear of school shootings and suicides on the news.

[edit on 16-4-2009 by sos37]

In this case I think the perfect punishment for the bullies at the school would be to take them to the morgue where the victim lay and make them not only look at the body of the dead boy, but acknowledge that they played some part in pushing him over the edge with their bullying. They need to know that their actions have real consequences. They need to know what real consequences look like - what real death looks like.

Maybe that will put some sense into their brainless heads.

[edit on 16-4-2009 by sos37]

Political-correctness is so gay to exceedingly fatal retarded proportions.

Prove me wrong you "gay-tards"! You know who you are!

[edit on 4/16/09 by Marked One]

Originally posted by sos37
In this case I think the perfect punishment for the bullies at the school would be to take them to the morgue where the victim lay and make them not only look at the body of the dead boy, but acknowledge that they played some part in pushing him over the edge with their bullying. They need to know that their actions have real consequences. They need to know what real consequences look like - what real death looks like.

Maybe that will put some sense into their brainless heads.

[edit on 16-4-2009 by sos37]

AND...Have them subjected to the latest venture in improvement of disciplinary methods in educational institutions.

[edit on 4/16/09 by Marked One]

lets be honest, the kids didn't just become bullies. Their behavior was not only tolerated by the parents but re-enforced by them.

The parents need to share in the blame here. They raised their kids to be bullies because they FAILED as parents.

Originally posted by Zenagain
I got called much worse in grade school and didn't hang myself. I don't agree with bullying but I DO agree with growing a pair. Life sucks, get a helmet.


Edit: Just please, PLEASE don't be shooting up your schools, M'kay?

[edit on 16-4-2009 by Zenagain]

Agreed. If you can't handle childish insults then perhaps you're not fit enough to live in this world. If he hadn't killed himself now perhaps he would have done something worse when he would eventually get dumped by his first girlfriend/boyfriend. Life is tough, you need a thick skin to survive.

Originally posted by dracodie
Some people here make bullies seem like they are a three headed beast with no brains , who just want to destroy other kids life´s

For all we know the kid could have some kind of mental disorder.

Bullies are the ones with a mental disorder. Think about it - why does someone bully someone else in the first place? Two reasons I can think of are to make themselves feel better because they don't feel good about themselves or because they like exerting power over someone else. In either case, the need that drives someone to bullying is an indicator that something is wrong in their own life.

EDIT: That's a third reason pointed out two posts above me for bullying - because the kid learned from his/her parents - maybe even was bullied BY the parent(s).

[edit on 16-4-2009 by sos37]

Originally posted by sos37

Originally posted by dracodie
Some people here make bullies seem like they are a three headed beast with no brains , who just want to destroy other kids life´s

For all we know the kid could have some kind of mental disorder.

Bullies are the ones with a mental disorder. Think about it - why does someone bully someone else in the first place? Two reasons I can think of are to make themselves feel better because they don't feel good about themselves or because they like exerting power over someone else. In either case, the need that drives someone to bullying is an indicator that something is wrong in their own life.

Bullying is a natural survival instinct seen in all animals. It prepares you and the "victim" for the challenges of the real world.