Originally posted by Common Good
reply to post by Zenagain
I believe that every kid in school has to go through this. Its a part of growing up and knowing oneself.
Edited your post for clarity
Every kid in school has to go through this? That is part of the problem, when people see things like this taking place, and instead of stepping up
and putting a stop to bullies, they shrug their shoulders and say exactly what you did. Children should NOT have to go through these things. That is
why we have adult bullies, because as children they learn it is acceptable behavior when people look the other way. Most children bullies, not all,
have parents who are themselves bullies. I have learned this with my work in the school system. I seriously dislike dealing with the parents of
bullies, because MOST of the time, one or both of the parents are bullies.
Vitchilo, saying the parents are at fault as they must not of had a good relationship with their child is making assumptions. My daughter went
through bullying in middle school, at first she did not talk with me about it, even though we have a great relationship. She had spoken with a
teacher about the situation, and was basically blown off, and felt that what was taking place was "her problem" and that she should "grow up"
enough to deal with this on her own. She internalized the situation and became depressed. We found out when one of her bullies became physical
with her. I had known that something was up, but I did not know exactly what. I can only be thankful that once we did find out, she opened up and
explained everything. Because of the physical violence of the bullies, my daughter was given protection, in the form of the school police, principle
and vice principle. In the end, my daughter learned that the way to deal with bullies, was to get the RIGHT adult involvement. That NO she was not
the problem, the bullies were the problem and the teacher that she went to was wrong in her statements to my daughter. The problem, is the adults
around children who look the other way when bullying takes place.
My daughter was taught to not fight (physical), she was taught to respect people, she was taught compassion, gentleness and love. She would not fight
back against these bullies because to do so went against her personality and beliefs in not harming people. People here who are saying because she is
a gentle loving person, then bullies choosing to harm her was her fault and she should have "grown some", are ignorant and stupid. The bullies are
the ones who chose to cause harm, this is one way we are teaching our children to not be responsible for their actions, by ignoring their bullying and
blaming the victim for not "growing some". Basically telling children that being a bully is ok, because if someone can't take being bullied, that
is their problem. Instead of teaching bullies that harming another person is WRONG, we tell the kids who are being hurt to "grow some".
Take it this way, if someone else chooses to pick up a gun(bully) and shoot you(the one being bullied), who is the problem? You for not getting out
of the way of the bullet? Or the person who chose to shoot you? Basically here many of you who are telling the children who are being bullied that
they are at fault as they did not jump out of the way of the bullet, or they did not pick up their own gun(grow some) and shoot back, or (grow some)
and just let the bullets bounce off of them.
Calling children wimps who cannot take bullying, is the problem, the bullies are the problem, the adults looking the other way are the problem, not
the children being bullied. Can we say "blaming the victim"?
WOW, just WOW that people would tell an 11 year old to "grow some", he was a child people, reading the postings here, seriously points to what is
wrong with our society, the common theme seems to be blame the victim and pat the bullies on the back by saying "it is just a kid thing".
I sincerely hope that some day, adults can "grow some" and stop blaming the children who were bullied. Blaming the victim, is the easy way out.
I am sad for this family and their child.