When Words Can Kill: 'That's So Gay'

Those kids should have their asses beat so royally they'll be the ones being called gay after their face looks on comparison to the twin towers.

"Grow a pair"?!

Nice. Tell an 11 year old to "toughen up"... That would have been the solution to prevent a pointless death? Manliness?

Yes. Life is tough. Kids are cruel. We all fell under the words of other kids one time or another during our childhood years. It's part of growing up. But does that mean an 11 year old can't be sensitive to criticism? Absolutely not. We don't know the kid. We don't know what he's been through. We don't know how "big a pair" he had grown before he simply couldn't take it anymore...?

The mother blames the school? I blame her. And society. The boy didn't have a "support system" to help him cope with the criticism. Sure the school can provide some sort "support system" like councilors. But it should be an "added extra" - not their responsibility. The foundation is at home. If the boy didn't feel comfortable discussing his problems with his folks, then who is to blame?

Perhaps the boy should have "grown a pair"? Eric Harris and Dylan Klebold grew a pair when life got tough. Seung-Hui Cho grew a pair when life got tough. Is that really what we want? A "pair" isn't always the answer.

reply to post by Gaspode

The foundation is at home.

While I take issue with the way some schools handle bullying I completely agree with this statement. Ultimately it is up to the parents, they are responsible for their child’s physical and mental well being. I know there aren’t always arrays of options for families but I like to think I would have gotten my child out of that school if he was that unhappy with his circumstance, but I don’t know what the family was going through and I don’t know if anything alerted them to how serious an issue this was for him.

What do people think should happen to those kids, especially if they admit to it?

1) Juvenille Hall
2) Lynching
3) Fine
4) Expulsion
5) Parents punished

I have no idea, but I think something should happen.

reply to post by spellbound

Well, that’s the problem. while it may appear that the “gay” word is being robbed of its true meaning, like the new “cool” the coded meanin is much more dramatic and dangerous than we might think. The coded meaning of that’s gay is: something weak, shameful, not worthy and ultimately meant for destruction. That boy probably thought he was going to be the subject of
mockery, rejection and aggression all his life..
Children shouldn't have to deal with that kind of crap. Its not childs play anymore.

I realized though, that school bullying is common in this country, however I find it sad and uncivilized.

reply to post by HiAliens


Well, if this was a certain group of collective bullies I hope they would learn their lesson after someone commits suicide. I also hope their teachers and parents would take notice of them tormenting any other children and take it seriously. They may have already, I don’t know, we’re all seeing this story through a limited view point.

I always wonder about how these suicides impact the tormenters, not just the victims’ families. I hope, that if nothing else, this educates other young bullies out there and the children involved in this instance, so they can truly know the consequences of cruelty.

I hope they feel as much pain as they inflicted on that kid, and they should feel it for a good long while. This isn't going to educate young bullies, if the little jerks were thoughtful they wouldn't be doing it in the first place. Some of these bullies are truly stupid, close to mental retardation. They don't care about the consequences of cruelty, they are sociopaths.

They need to kick these type of kids out of school.

Originally posted by Zenagain
I got called much worse in grade school and didn't hang myself. I don't agree with bullying but I DO agree with growing a pair. Life sucks, get a helmet.


Edit: Just please, PLEASE don't be shooting up your schools, M'kay?

[edit on 16-4-2009 by Zenagain]

This isn't about you, why are you bringing yourself up? It doesn't work like that. You can say "I was hit as a kid, and I didn't get depressed. How come so and so from that rich family got depression when she had a perfect life?" It's the same kinda of ignorance. It is not that simple and its moronic for you to even say such a thing. Are you even gay? I doubt it. Do you know his life story? Don't think so. How much do you know about him? nothing. So stop talking please, its embarrassing.

I hope whenever you have a hard time in life your doctor, friends, parents all tell you to "grow a pair". "I feel like killing myself, I've never felt so bad" "Well Mr. Jagoff, why don't you grow a pair and quit whining" Give me a break

[edit on 16-4-2009 by ghaleon12]

Originally posted by HiAliens
What do people think should happen to those kids, especially if they admit to it?

1) Juvenille Hall
2) Lynching
3) Fine
4) Expulsion
5) Parents punished

I have no idea, but I think something should happen.

None of those punishements would do a thing. It would be better to go to the roots of the problem.
Seriously, Its gonna take, psychologists, therapeutics, even philosophers to solved this problem once and for all. They’re all gonna have to pose this question: What freaking causes a kid to be cornered by a bunch of others just cause they think he’s gay?

You know, I want to call you an Ahole, but I agree with you. Its sad to see a young kid take his life over name calling, and I give my condolences to the mother. But if I can take this into an un-personal matter, than I believe that every kid in school has to go through this. Its a part of growing up and knowing oneself. This is a tough world, and our kids need to be taught how to survive and deal with people like that who try to get at them in a personal manner. This world isnt all peaches and cream, and I think that this kind of treatment towards one another(as kids) is a natural and everyday thing. Bullies are everywhere, just look at the people who are in government, they still havent learned to stop bullying people.
I think that maybe there is more to this story, and that maybe this child had other problems in his life that only took one little name to push him over the edge. Thats just my opinion.

It's too bad we didn't have someone with a background in healthcare talking because it might actually be valuable then. No every kid in school doesn't have to go through name calling. Instead of allowing name calling in school, and hurting those that don't name call, kick the bullies out of school so that everyone else can learn. It's not a part of growing up and it has nothing to do with knowing ones self.

If it is a "part of growing up" like you say, then basically rules can't be enforced. Often times the kids that get bullied don't fight back verbally or phyisically, but it its a "part of growing up" and adults won't do anything about it, then they will start fighting back verbally and physically. The kids that bully don't care about rules, the people that get bullied, do. Take away the rules, and the people that get teased will fight back....which I'm not totally against. A good punch in the face would shut most of those bullies up.

You can't compare adult bullying to kid bullying, totally not the same. You can say what you want, but rules can't be enforced in your senario and it would be a free for all. But I hope you know with your idea, that the people that are getting bullied will fight back and the bullies will soon become the bullied.

Call it the *invisible guy in the sky* or whatever you cretins want to name God, but, in this case and many cases where kids feel alone and unloved and in pain - Jesus / God works.

I might be reading you wrong since its late, but was this possibly gay kid supposed to find comfort in a God that hates him? You guys totally got what was going on in this kid's mind down.

If this kid was gay, he probably thought and felt like he was hated by his peers, possibly his family, society, and even religion. How in the world do you think you can even imagine what it was like. "grow some balls" people say, grow some brains yourselves.

[edit on 16-4-2009 by ghaleon12]

reply to post by Exv8densez


Yes, I just have to repeat that I am so sad that this boy died - it was needless.

But human beings are so cruel to each other, and I don't know if any other animal is so cruel to their own kind - probably yes.

Originally posted by rapinbatsisaltherage


His mother found him hanging by an extension cord just minutes before she was going to meet with school authorities.

"I am brokenhearted," she told ABCNews.com. "We worry about the economy and about Iraq, but we need to be worried about our schools."

Walker, who works as a director of homeless programs, said Carl -- a slight child who loved his schoolwork -- had endured endless taunts since he started sixth grade in September.

The mother also said that dealing with these ignorant children was worse than her battle with breast cancer.

I always wonder about how these suicides impact the tormenters, not just the victims’ families. I hope, that if nothing else, this educates other young bullies out there and the children involved in this instance, so they can truly know the consequences of cruelty.

abcnews.go.com
(visit the link for the full news article)

You know it is funny that from reading the post on this subject you can tell who where the bullied and who where the bullies when they where younger, the fact is we have moved away from the ideal of American culture That all are equal, yes some are smarter some are faster, and some are bigger but we are all human being and have the same rights there for we are equal in that way. I doubt that this kid came from school and on the first day some kids called him gay hung himself. I am willing to bet that we will come to find that teachers and school officials even knew about it and did nothing to try and put a stop to it. This is not a new trend either it has been going on for along time, and we wonder why out schools are doing so poorly, and why we have school shootings.

As for kids being bullies, it is frowned upon to stand up for your self in this day and age, If I kid stands up for them selves they often find that they are the one punished and the so called bully is labeled the victim! Parents who tell their kids to stand up for them selves also face repercussions for encouraging their kids to hurt other children.

Originally posted by spellbound
reply to post by rapinbatsisaltherage

 

I am so sad that this child died.

But 'gay', even though all the kids in the world are robbing it of its true meaning, as it was robbed of its true meaning by previous generations..should not have caused this child to die. Couldn't this child talk to his parents?

This is a needless death in that 'gay' these days means 'not cool' - that is no reason to die.

How very sad. I really hope that the child/children who caused this death will pay for it - they will, of course.

your right theres the problem with society parents used to take an active interest it whats happening in there kids lives. Now parents have to call them on there cell to see what they've been up too. Parents are to blame for these incidents.theres two things i see over and over parents who have no idea what there kids are doing. Or parents that feel they have to protect there kids from everything both causes severe psychological damage to there children.

There comes a sad time when the scholar must become a warrior.

There are too many ignorant people, parented by ignorant people, who were themselves parented by ignorant people, irrationally resentful of those who live the creative life of the mind, and who will seek opportunity to lessen this life in the eyes of the world.

Fortunately, it can be a short time, if the target - regardless of his physical size relative to his attackers - prepares himself to respond without hesitation, and without concern for the outcome, on as many occasions as the attackers are inclined to test him.

The fights will be of short duration - in the classroom or in the gym - wherever - a few seconds where you must respond, regardless of the number. Your fighting style must simple, and devastating. Street-fighting, without kicking and without attacks to the groin or the eyes.

This is a difficult decision to make, but one that needs to be made. You are fighting not only for yourself, but for the liberty to live, think and work at whatever level and in whatsoever manner you so choose. It's a fight that scholars have had to engage in since time immemorial.

reply to post by dragonridr


Yes, I am very concerned about parents - I think that a lot of parents do not care about their kids.

It is a shocking thing, but I know a girl who gave 2 of her kids away, then had twins which she kept, and she is now expecting another baby.

What sort of parent will she be? Answer - rubbish.

IMO, this has nothing to do with the fact they called him gay, it's the intolerance perpetuated in society that made him feel like an outsider. As the source said, he wasn't even old enough to know he was gay, more than that, I doubt he was old enough to understand what homosexuality is, beyond liking the same sex.

This is not about name calling, it isn't about bully's in school, it is about the impression society gives towards homosexuality, if we openly accepted homosexuality, then it wouldn't matter about kids calling each other 'gay'.

On a related note, I couldn't believe that they banned gay marriage in San Francisco (I think?), it just shows that we don't move forward, we only have the illusion of moving forward.

So sad.

EMM

There must be something else going on here that makes these suicide instances different than how most of us handle these things. I too was bullied for a while back in middle school by the schools bully gang, but I never felt like offing MYSELF because of THEM. Actually, I wanted the bullies to die. Of course I didn't also did take a gun to school to bully the bullies with bullets either, but it wasn't because I thought that would be a wrong response and thing to do (actually I thought it would have been an appropriate response for those kinds of humons), but the thing was I didn't want to go to jail for taking such necessary steps to stop THEM that were evil. So .. what I did was curse them all instead. Many years after I had finished high school and moved on I found out at a class reunion that those 3 worst bullies died in their 20s (one died from a parachute accident, another became a cop and was shot dead for being a bully cop, and the other lost his head in a motorcycle accident). The curse didn't stop the bullies while I was in school, but it did stopped the bullies from procreating and spreading their evil genes any further.

reply to post by ElectroMagnetic Multivers


Sorry, you are wrong.
The child was called gay, and to him that meant that he was a misfit, so he killed himself.

"grow a pair" That sentiment clearly comes from people who have never wanted to kill themselves. Well I have 4 times in the past two years, you need a 'big pair' to consider it seriously, and an even 'bigger pair' to tell people.

Killing yourself isn't some split second decision, you plan when, how, why, you have to prepare be that through suicide notes or preapring the way to kill yourself. That isn't something you merrily do whistling along.

It takes guts to kill yourself, and I'm sick of people saying people who have killed themselves are cowards, or need to grow a pair. It's not an easy thing to go against every instinct in your body, everything telling you to stop, your being stuipid, your going to regret this, theres no going back. Confronting that is something for a brave person to do... suicide isn't the 'easy' option at all.

The problem APPEARS to be that he had nobody to talk to about any of his problems 'of which I think there may be more than just being called gay'. These problems then overtime built up within him, until he had to deal with all of them at once.

That is sad. I grew up...my mother is a lesbian. I am bisexual. Teasing and taunting is lost on me. My mom can't be gay, she already is. But I can see how it would bother some people.

This just breaks my heart, and is becoming all too common. The thing is, no one knows the extent to which this child was bullied. I imagine it went beyond simply calling him "gay". Bullying is way different now than it used to be.

For example, as I was perusing You Tube the other day, I noticed a vid from a 12 year old where he was professing his religious beliefs. The comments were filled with replies from other kids writing all sorts of horrible things that I just can't repeat, but one resounding comment was "you're a homo."

This prompted the child to post a new vid that said, "Stop calling me a homo."

Which, of course, only encouraged the needling by the commentors. The thing is, in his subsequent videos, you see him getting more and more upset by the teasing, and at several points, the commentors start calling for the boy to "Hang himself."

One could certainly argue that this child of 12 shouldn't have been allowed to be broadcasting videos of himself online, as I think You Tube's policy is that you're supposed to be at least 13, but I just can't stand how vicious this world has become.

Many kids go through teasing in school. But for some kinds, it goes beyond ribbing and into the realm of torture.

I don't know what the solution is. But my heart is broken for any child who feels so tormented that this seems an appealing option. I don't know. Kids are different these days. Lack of stability at home? Not enough supervision? I don't know. You hate to blame the parents without knowing the situation, but damn. This is so sad.