Understanding Depression (Important Info Everyone Should Know)

reply to post by dmorgan


Many people don't ever "get better" from this. They feel better, but it can come back at the drop of a hat. It's cutting for me. I know that years from now, I can still easily fall back into it, because it's an endorphine rush, and when things are at their worst, it let me feel again.

The main thing to remember is that you are not alone. There are others out there that know EXACTLY what you're fighting, and have gone through what you're going through now. I don't speak for everyone, but PLEASE, don't hesitate to reach out to me if you need to. I won't sympathize or give you the usual platitudes, but I can give advice, and try to help you to handle the different situations that you're going through.

While I cant reply to everyone one, I will say I have read every single word written since I last commented! A big thanks to everyone for telling their stories and offering advice to all those who have commented.

As to that guy a few pages back, iiinvision or something like that, while you clearly do not understand what depression is, I can see where you are coming from. Since "feeling sad" has become mainstream people throw around the words "I am feeling depressed!" way too much. It is like the way children use the word hate. Hate is a strong word! As is Depression.

The more appropriate words are usually dislike/envy and sad.

Originally posted by dmorgan
Cool, people seriously need to know about this horrible "illness".

It was only 24 hours ago that I was googling "how to kill yourself peacefully"...

I've been dealing with this s*** for several years. I don't tell anyone, because I know they probably won't understand. People say "harden up", "grow some balls". If only they knew what it felt like to be suffering from this. You can't simply harden up, that's not how it works. Something is off in your brain and it causes some strange stuff to happen. I don't ask for sympathy, I hate it when people sympathise over me.

Oh yeah and those little white pills the doctor prescribed me within a minute of seeing him for my first consultation? They make the whole thing worse. They turned me into a zombie, INCREASED my anxiety levels and actually made me feel worse. I tried two different types of anti-depressants.

I have a healthy lifestyle... exercise every two days, eat well, get plenty of sleep. So far, I haven't "recovered" or "got better". Some days I feel great, but it only takes a few hours to go to the complete, opposite end of the scale.

The only thing keeping me for doing the next step is, well, my family. I know what my Mum is like when her pet rabbit dies, it would be horrible for them.

Don't know how long I'll be here for though, lets see how I feel tomorrow...

I experience depression about exactly the way you describe it, and I also feel like taking the next step. The only thing that has kept me from doing it is my family. I have seen what the death of a loved one can to a family especially parents. I really don't feel like living anymore, but it feels just to selfish to give up. Good luck to you though...

[edit on 17-4-2009 by Emile124]

Originally posted by wylekat
reply to post by berenike

 

I've been at this for 20 years- and believed- truly believed for the entire time. I am burned out on believing on something that obviously isn't going to HAPPEN. As for my opinions about myself? I've been told I am too ugly, too poor, too this, and not enough of that by every woman I have tried to date. My ex boss worsened this problem by a factor of 10- and after only a couple years working for him, almost all my talent and skill went down the toilet to boot. Some Christian. Bah. I liked his daughter.... and she was in on screwing me over. I had ambition for a certain job, and tried for it for well over 2 decades. I finally gave up last summer. I was completely burned to the ground. I have tried, and tried and tried- I dont have the strength to try any more. I lost love, I lost a career, I lost everything, I'm pushing middle age, and I have NOTHING to show for it- minus the fact I am 1 step away from crazytown.

I can still find something positive in what you've written. You say you had talent and skill, well you don't just lose those things. You don't say what they are, but to take art or music as examples - you don't just lose them.

Give yourself a little time and the inspiration will come back.

I used to remind myself that once I hit rock bottom, the only way was up. Sometimes it appalled me how deep the fall was until I hit the bottom but eventually I'd get there. Then it was a matter of finding a way to climb back up.

If you're 'pushing middle-age', well you're still a young man. If you have a healthy, youngish man's body to live in that gives you an enormous advantage. You are in exactly the right position to take some of the advice given here about taking exercise.

If women are telling you that you're too poor and ugly, then I'm sorry to say it, but maybe your skill at choosing good women could do with brushing up?

Now might be the time to reconsider the type of woman you would find attractive. You certainly don't want to get stuck with some shallow money-grabber.

I hope you don't think I'm stalking you or being insensitive. I feel there's a lively, humorous person in there who just needs to relax a bit, give himself a break and maybe adjust his priorities a little bit.

Going back to the exercise, you might meet a lot of interesting people following the same hobby. If you can borrow someone's dog and take it for a walk you'd be amazed at how many people will stop and talk to you. Really, you never know......

Oh, I worked for a bullying, overbearing employer for a long time. I used to 'put a paper bag over my head' and most of the time I could handle the situation. Occasionally it would get too much for me, but something I used to hold on to: a lot of her carryings on were due to a deep-rooted inferiority complex and (incredibly) I think she used to be jealous of me. Bullies are like that, fearful, envious, inadequate. What did you have that your boss found so intolerable? Skill and talent. Possibly (I don't know you) a nice nature as well. Don't let him win. Find yourself again.

Hi im sorry to hear about what has happened to you as my brother is going through the same thing. Except he becomes very violent & suicidal if he does not take his meds. Before he went on the meds he was normal, just had fatty liver and bad diet resulting in high cholesterol aswell, which would mean he could have changed his diet rather then go on drugs. This is why i have researched so much into the links between depression meds and violents thoughts and suicide. Although we dont agree i still think alternative views should be heard for those families also struggling with the opposite side of these depression meds.
I want to help those families who have to watch their backs everyday and cry themselves to sleep wishing they could help their loved ones be normal again and wondering why sone drug companies allow to do this evil.
Since the research is so extreme and wide i though i will just post 2 links that may help anyone if interested:

ssristories.com...

www.newmediaexplorer.org...

He has become better since dosing up his b vitamins, going on a raw food diet resulitng in him eating alot more salads and docotr has reduced his medicaiton and still doing ok. But the thing is he is now debted to be on these drugs all of his life as now he is not just a diagnosed depressive but as a result is now suffering skitzophrenia. As a result i have lost 7 years of hanging out with my brother(how we used to be) and the twin like closeness we had. I also believe these meds are a form of mind control because he believes almost everything he sees and reads and thinks opposite to those things he should believe in.



[edit on 17-4-2009 by Applesandoranges]

What I haven't seen anyone here mention is the fact that it's a vicious cycle for depressed people in that when you are depressed and the "happy people" in your life keep trying to help and they realize they can't "fix" you, they'll probably disappear....then many people, who are depressed don't want to be around happy people anyway---so it usually ends up that people when they are depressed and do try to connect...it seems to only be with other depressed people "misery loves company"---the best advice here is, it is majorly important to be around positive people and it sucks, but I have a hard time being around people who are depressed as do most (who aren't)----so people who are depressed definitely should do something about it, because it effects those around them and will alienate people from your life that you really need.

I'd love to know what keeps me from doing the final deed... No one would mourn me (at least a couple would party their butts off), no family to send into spirals of grief (Any of them who found out would party their butts off, too)...

As for talent- I have some stuff that'd make me... if this was a perfect world... the second coming of Mel Blanc. I have art, 3d modeling, mechanical know how, computer know how, I can nearly drive or even fly anything. My flight teacher in the Navy was always amazed how well I could fly a cessna. Too bad he was the one who dinged up the plane on 2 occasions.

The first blow to all of this was losing a woman I truly loved. And each time I tried to find someone else to love- I got shot down again and again, and it was bloody each time. Then my boss, who after his witch of a daughter teased out personal facts about my life would then ridicule me, insult me, and laugh about it. (As for inadequate- the man has 12 kids at least count! Guess who felt that way?!) He'd 'act gay' at me... I didn't clout him- was too busy running the mantra: " I get money. I get money. I want to kill him. I get money, tho." Oh- I forgot- a couple of reasons I am not wanted and reviled- I have a bad back, and I'm on disability for it. I may as well wear a big neon sign that says DAMAGED GOODS! LEPER! SOCIAL OUTCAST!

It's just gotten to the point I have generalized all women- they all just want a fat wallet and good looks, or one over the other if the guy is really loaded or a hunk. Sure- I can sit here and make art, do all sorts of crap- but with no one to truly share them with... why bother?? I have stuff up on Photobucket, same name. Yup, for all the world to see. I dont hear a peep about it being good, bad, or anything else.

[edit on 17-4-2009 by wylekat]

I too suffer from depression. I was diagnosed in high school as suffering from severe major depressive disorder. I've been on all variety of pills, gone to all variety of counseling. I've even been hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital for a short time (2wks). Long story short, none of it has ever worked for me. I haven't felt 'happiness' in a very long time. Not since I was a very small child, if even then. I don't even remember what the feeling is like.

I live my days in an intense sadness and loneliness. Recognizing these feelings and knowing where they come from helps little. There are days where I would literally do anything if it meant I didn't have to be sad and alone anymore. Days where I'd do anything just to feel happy for even a moment.

I'm odd, though, in that I don't get suicidal like most. I don't get to the point where I get a knife and slit my wrist (down the lane, not across the street), try to OD, or anything else. I am what my doctor called 'passively suicidal'. Basically it's a fancy way of saying I don't care if I live or die. I go about my life, essentially hoping that something will happen to end my life.

To put it shortly, life really sucks.

There are hotlines that you can call when you are feeling bad, also.... if it gets that bad call someone!!!!

edit to say: many people go through an existential crisis too --google it

[edit on 17-4-2009 by mkultraangel]

reply to post by mkultraangel


Tried. All they do is rehash the same tired sayings everyone else does. Things will get better, every cloud has a silver lining, blah blah blah. Has never made me feel any better

reply to post by BriggsBU


en.wikipedia.org...

An existential crisis can result from:

* The sense of being alone and isolated in the world;
* A new found grasp or appreciation of one's mortality;
* Believing that one's life has no purpose or external meaning; or
* Awareness of one's freedom and the consequences of accepting or rejecting that freedom.

Existential crisis resembles anomie (a sociological concept), the mid-life crisis is an example. Usually, an existential crisis stems from the person's perception of existence.

Non-existential belief systems, such as religion, astrology, and witchcraft, provide compact and logically irrefutable (i.e. tautological) explanations for human existence often invoking a man-made construct of one or more iterations of a supernatural being. A transition to the realization of the absence of fulfillment via religious faith is one avenue to trigger suffering associated with an existential crisis. This sudden appreciation that there is no afterlife and, moreover, the meaning and purpose of one's life is determined from within, not through a irrational narrative defined by others, inevitably leads to substantial personal growth, with the transition through this critical confrontation with the ‘existential’ world a necessary step of maturation

Hi again, Wylekat

What keeps you from doing the final deed is that you know that you are a worthwhile person. Deep inside you know that you are a better person than those who rejected you or teased you. Not only do you know it, but I know it too. Yeah - I'm psychic

I'll miss you if you go - I'm starting to enjoy our little chats. If I go, one or two people might miss me and if I'm lucky so will my dog.

If you can do all those things, then you are an amazingly talented person. Cor! What excuse do you have for getting bored? And if you're busy you've no time for brooding.
I'm one step away from useless with computers but I'll have a look at photobucket and see if I can find your art.

I love your mantra - so like my own when I was at work. It's not much consolation, but she misses me now that I'm gone.

Having 12 kids doesn't make that guy adequate - it just means that 12 times in his life he got lucky.

You've really struck a chord with me - I had a back problem too. For the last few years I've had to sit in a special chair and be very careful about moving or lifting things. I found arnica gel eased the pain a lot and I had a tens (?) system. Gradually things got better and it's been a long time since I've been in screaming agony.

I moved to the country just over a year ago, and the fresh air here has done wonders for me. Being away from all the pollution has brought me back to reasonable health. I even risk sitting on the sofa sometimes and I'm getting my strength back.

If you read my first post you will know that I had a bit of heartache. All I can tell you is that however much you might want to share your life with someone, there will be times when you find yourself alone - well, duh! You can use those times to get to know yourself, find out what you think is good about you and work on those things that could do with improving.

As an artist you could really utilise the time. Sometimes you just need that space to grow.

And about looks. I found out very early in life that the 'pretty boys' never had any personality. They traded on their looks so much that they forgot to develop one. A lot of women like a more 'interesting' look - I've confessed on another forum to having a huge crush on Herman Munster. If you've got an 'interesting look', make it work for you. You're a creative person, you can do that.

Honestly, you're unique and you need to recognise your own worth. Don't rely on the silly opinions and activities of people who don't have your abilities. If they couldn't appreciate you then it's their loss, not yours.

reply to post by BriggsBU


That used to just piss me off to no end. I would try to explain to someone that things like that don't work, or what they were suggesting I try didn't work for me, and they just wouldn't get it. They always end up with "It'll get better." At that point if I was talking to them online, I would just leave the chat, because I was too pissed off.

That happened one night with someone on here. He kept saying the same things everyone else did, so I left. While I was gone one of my friends gave him the abbreviated story of what was going on with me. A few hours later I started talking to him again, and his first question was "How have you not shot someone yet?"

The one thing that Depression can do for you, that I have found to be a gift, is to show you that you have untapped strength that you didn't know you had. To me, what I fought through seemed like hell, but I fought it. It was my life at the time, and the only option was to get up every day, put one foot in front of the other and do what had to be done. I wasn't HAPPY about it, but I did it. My other half one day, after hearing everything I went through, told me that most people would have been crippled by what I went through, or would have been permanently damaged. She has been a blessing to me. She taught me to not hide the scars on my wrist, and be proud of who I am, and what I went through. It was a trial, and I beat it, and I came through intact.

I'm not saying that I don't see what I did, or what I went through as no big deal, because it was a HUGE deal, but giving up was not an option. I refused to let it win, and I was going to do whatever I had to do to get through it. If that meant I went through this for the rest of my life, then for however long that was, I was going to get up every day, and put one foot in front of the other, and see what happened. I was miserable every day, but a part of me said I WAS going to fight, and I WAS going to make it.

reply to post by BriggsBU


What Zaphod58 has said is so true. Living and working through depression can make you stronger.

Reading through some of the replies here, it is amazing to hear how people have coped and to hear how hard they have worked to make a better life for themselves.

You're in good company here, please stay with us. Keep reading, you will most likely find a tip or an anecdote that will help or inspire you.

And keep posting, let us know how you are doing. Please, try to find just one thing each day that gives you some pleasure. Even if all you do is look out of your window and admire a cloud, or a bird or the sunset, just find something.

There are beautiful things in this world, try to be open to them. They can help to balance out the bad things. And the more room you make for them in your life, the less room there is for the bad stuff.

Tentikles, I think you should explore some alternative theories on depression to really have a deep understanding of the problem. Actually "depression", including all its new colorful categories created by the DSM book, is only the symptom of a socially-generated disease that about any individual with enough sensivity and consciousness can contract. This disease is of systemic origins, but it is also written down deep within the mind of the people who suffer from it.

Depression is both a symptom and a natural reaction of not only defense, but rejection against an order that oppresses the life of a person and confines its choices to nonsense behaviors... like waking up every morning for going to a job that you just don't like, but keep doing because of some social-economical set of things. You most probably know that condition because this is the same that most people on this planet have been through.

At one point, under an accumulation and multiplication of small of big traumas of the everyday life (often facilitated by the cold and disinterested behavior of others!) the person gets to just drop out, to just stop trying to "live" and to withdraw back into him(her)self, in a psychological bubble of comfort that is essentially nihilistic. Such a condition could also be wisely called a "global refusal", or a and it's not for any reason that it was formerly called by the latin words Amor Fati (the exhaustion of passion, or love). Some have cleverly called it an "individual strike", although it doesn't always has as much political undertone as the more conventional strikes... This one is a strike against mostly everything, up to the most sensitive things such as friendship, trust and love. At one point an individual gets so exhausted from a scheme of things that he can't hold on to what the rest of his life is made of (such as his siblings), and this is why it often equates with comitting suicide, out of sheer despair.

From years of random research that I did at both academic and field level i can tell you for sure that most psychologists are deluded into following the mainstream theories on psychopathology and mental disorders, aside from perhaps their understanding of hysteria and other They are simply missing the whole point by letting aside the social and linguistic aspect of psychological development and processes, which are the fundamental of how people's minds -especially their perception of reality- develops and evolves. They suffer from the general problem of division in science, which makes them unable to read and interpret all of the rich social and cultural meaning behind a so-called psychological disorder. The neurological and physiological side is there, for sure, but is misinterpreted, being approached as part of the disease -and even its cause- rather than one of its major symptoms. I other words, the relation cause and effect is perceived upside down. Symptoms such as unstable or altered brain activity, misconnection between neurons and misfunction of endocrine glands are the result of the disease rather than its cause. Therefore, to give medications to a patient will only superficially treat the disease, without curing it at its sources, which can be found deeper into both the mind and the social background or environment of the patient, both into the subconscious patterns of perception and into the social relations with the "outside world".

Submission to authority, division, exploitation, alienation, idealisation and self-denial are these main social relations where the disease comes from, and these relations are intimately linked to the dominant economic and political system, that not only advocates but enforces these types of social relations through institutions of many kinds (religion, family, school, money, business, labor, etc). This very system seems to be actually based on these relations because it is these very same relations that allow some people to gain wealth, preserve it and protect it under monopolies. Those who find themselves to be on the worst side of these relations are the more subject to develop depression, or to go "on strike". Look out for data on the general social background of people suffering from depression, you will see what I'm talking about. But it's not just about the material standards of living, it can have something to do with sexual relationships or the nature of the subject's political involvement in society, or even more specific issues.

...which leads to the necessity of submerging into the subconcious realm of a subject's psyche, since his/her behavior is rooted deep into the schemes of perception and behavior that the person interiorises throughout his/her lifetime. Subconcious can be seen as an active memory, or a memory that is somewhat encrypted (hidden behind a veil of symbols, representations and lookalikes) but still is making you feel and see situations and things in ways that others probably won't, and that prompts a particular set of actions or reactions (just as being scared of a cop, and behaving in a polite, submissive manner to avoid perceived troubles that could be just illusory).

Psypathology has to be sociological and psychodynamic, or it's just another way to be a legal pusher (for prescription drugs), or worse, a personal despot such as these psychiatrists who "treat" people under custody in mental asylums. In both ways, the psychiatrist becomes an agent of social control that manipulates and reprograms the patient into getting back into the relation of authority.

Furthermore I don't think you can have a clear understanding of depression, such as any other behavior labelled as disorder without studying the whole history of madness through the ages. Reading Michel Foucault is a very good start for that, through his captivating investigation of deviances and madness through the ages, even if he's been criticized for a few historical distorsions. The thing is that psychiatry and psychopathology is scientific just on the surface, and what lies under is nothing much more than the same old political mechanisms of repression and domination that have been dominating the Western world for centuries, adn these pseudo-sciences are an attempt at solving the necessities emerging from these mechanisms through clinical, medical ways.

Oh, and pharmaceuticals must be avoided at all costs! There are very good herbal solutions for the disorder known as depression out there. St John's Wort (achileus) is the best known and reverred, but still must be taken under supervision of a trustworthy medic.

Reiki should work as well. But I'd personnally recommand it should be approached as "experimental" treatment, even though it actually really works for many things.

Question everything!

Eck

[edit on 17/4/09 by Echtelion]

[edit on 17/4/09 by Echtelion]

Originally posted by wylekat
I'd love to know what keeps me from doing the final deed... No one would mourn me (at least a couple would party their butts off), no family to send into spirals of grief (Any of them who found out would party their butts off, too)...

As for talent- I have some stuff that'd make me... if this was a perfect world... the second coming of Mel Blanc. I have art, 3d modeling, mechanical know how, computer know how, I can nearly drive or even fly anything. My flight teacher in the Navy was always amazed how well I could fly a cessna. Too bad he was the one who dinged up the plane on 2 occasions.

The first blow to all of this was losing a woman I truly loved. And each time I tried to find someone else to love- I got shot down again and again, and it was bloody each time. Then my boss, who after his witch of a daughter teased out personal facts about my life would then ridicule me, insult me, and laugh about it. (As for inadequate- the man has 12 kids at least count! Guess who felt that way?!) He'd 'act gay' at me... I didn't clout him- was too busy running the mantra: " I get money. I get money. I want to kill him. I get money, tho." Oh- I forgot- a couple of reasons I am not wanted and reviled- I have a bad back, and I'm on disability for it. I may as well wear a big neon sign that says DAMAGED GOODS! LEPER! SOCIAL OUTCAST!

It's just gotten to the point I have generalized all women- they all just want a fat wallet and good looks, or one over the other if the guy is really loaded or a hunk. Sure- I can sit here and make art, do all sorts of crap- but with no one to truly share them with... why bother?? I have stuff up on Photobucket, same name. Yup, for all the world to see. I dont hear a peep about it being good, bad, or anything else.

[edit on 17-4-2009 by wylekat]

Not trying to kill the "I hate myself" speech. But you have some amazing talents and I wish I could find such a talented and educated person. I have never really worried about the pretty boys since they are too busy looking in the mirror. I have dated some truly NOT PRETTY guys. I found once I talked with them I forgot their looks. I hope you find someone like that. Heck. I would be happy with a person who could work on a car for goodness sake. The hard part is waiting to find another "true love". I know there can be more than one "True Love" so hopefully it will happen soon. As for the boss and his moronic daughter, you have given them power over you by allowing it to bother you. Not saying it is easy but just imagine them being ran over by a large truck - NOT YOURS!!! - and it helps! It did me anyway every time some really jerky boss started up I just mentally flipped them off and smiled. I promise you... the smile will freak them out soooo bad. It has to be that serene serial killer smile though. I found I am really good at it - hehe. It backs off the women.

For that matter... if you are so truly ugly... then by god revel in it and scare the living crap out of her and him!! Act like some kinda freaked out bushman and go off. You may work for him but he DOES NOT OWN YOU.

Whatever you decide, remember there are always choices. Granted not great choices... but choices nevertheless. You could quit, move, take it, blow up and cuss them out, etc.... possibilities are endless.

Just remember... just as some men love fat women ... some women want an ugly man. The women think it keeps the ugly man from cheating... whatever... men will cheat thinking with the wrong head all the time no matter their looks.

Now having ranted, please note you are probably not near as ugly as you think. Just as I am not as fat as I think and I am not. I just remember being a size 6 and now I am 12-14. Not fat but definitely plump!

Ok serious question for everyone on this thread...Have or do you use ATS as a personal therapy for depression? Im just going on my personal experience and i was wondering if anybody else did the same.

reply to post by Griffo515


I didn't use it as personal therapy, but a few members really stepped up and helped me out at my really low times. They know who they are so I won't name them in here, but they became like family to me, and I'm always going to be grateful to them.

Now then, there are a lot of helpful ideas on this thread.
How many of you are going to try them?
Q10 is great stuff.
Omega 3 is also great stuff.
Go for it.
For the lady having 'women" problems -- get some Lydia Pinkham's tablets. A long time ago I did. Problem solved. It changed my life.

Next, you all need to seriously assess your environment, your food, your water, everything that you put on you skin, all you cleaning & laundry materials; everything that you touch, consume or inhale.

We live in a toxic world. I have food allergies triggered by a Chinese dinner that was loaded with MSG, and like many of you, I get blown off when I mention them. My own son tells me its all in my mind; that I read somewhere that XXX is bad etc and therefore I react to it.
Consider that we are the Canaries in the Coal mine. The sensitives that should be a warning to the rest of the people.

To put all this into perspective read this article. It is a timeline from 1900 to present which shows how disease increased as more chemicals were used in our every day lives.

the hundred year lie

In 1920 there were 1 million pounds of synthetic chemicals manufactured.
In year 2000 there were 140+ million pounds produced.
Don't you think that, that right there says volumes about what we are up against?

Here's one that hits close to home for you:
"1961:
the FDA approves a medication called Ritalin for use by children with behavior problems. By 1975, about 150,000 children in the U.S. will be taking Ritalin. By 2005, about 6 million U.S. children will be using Ritalin, representing 85 percent of total Ritalin consumption in the entire world."

And this one:
"2000 -The Physicians for Social Responsibility releases a report describing "an epidemic of developmental, learning and behavioral disabilities" affecting an estimated 12 million children in the U.S. Evidence suggests the epidemic may be a result of toxic chemicals affecting the central nervous system of these children."

(edit to add link)

[edit on 17-4-2009 by OhZone]

Originally posted by mkultraangel
There are hotlines that you can call when you are feeling bad, also.... if it gets that bad call someone!!!!

Admitting suicidal thoughts is VERY VERY dangerous. Want to lose the right to carry a firearm? Want to be locked up like a criminal? Then by all means, tell others you feel suicidal.

It is not something to be taken lightly (admitting it). Think long and hard before getting labeled as "mentally unstable". You may or may not off yourself, but telling the authorities that you want to can and will change your life.