posted on Apr, 16 2009 @ 07:48 AM
I used to suffer from depression, and wouldn't go to a doctor for fear of being 'carted off' as mentally ill. Also, I didn't want to take
medications as I'd heard so many bad things about them.
There were thing in my life that I accepted as normal, not realising that they were symptoms of depression. For instance, sleeping all day at
week-ends. to me that was a normal part of my routine.
Other things, I did realise were 'odd'. For instance, I had a feeling of 'swimming through treacle' just to get simple jobs done, or to make it
through a day. Everything I did or tried to do was just more difficult than it needed to be.
Eventually, I went to see a psychotherapist but found it didn't suit me at all. I'd lie on the bed for an hour, trying to discuss what was bothering
me but found that I'd ramble about my every day problems for most of the time. I'd only get to the 'good stuff' about 15 or 20 minutes towards the
end of the session. Then just when I'd got into my stride the therapist would give me the '5 minute warning' and that would be the end of the
I'd come out with the feeling that you'd get if you went into your living room and turfed all the stuff in your cupboards into the middle of the
floor, then just left it lying there in the middle of the room. Not knowing how to sort it all out or how to get it back into the cupboards.
Having two sessions a week made things really hard to handle as I'd just be starting to feel a bit settled and then I'd be back for another session.
So I asked to change the system and have only one session a week. The therapist agreed, but told me that she'd have to raise the price.
Needless to say, I didn't keep it up for too long after that.
Fast forward a bit, and I had a terrible year. Some bug affected my desire to eat, and I found most food impossible to cope with. Shortly after that a
broken relationship 'cleaned me out' emotionally and aggravated the eating problem.
My best friend died and within a couple of months of him going, two of my little pets died. By the time I lost the second one, I had nothing left to
feel for her.
I wasn't suicidal - I have been at various other times of my life - because I just couldn't make a decision on whether I wanted to live or die. I
didn't care either way.
Somehow, my survival instinct reared it's head and persuaded me to get two new little pets. Knowing that if I had someone else to care for, I would
keep myself going.
I had that feeling of looking at life through a pane of glass. I couldn't really touch anything. I loved my new pets but only with my mind, my heart
had died. I loved them because I could remember how to love and recreated the feeling in my brain.
Now, this is where I follow the example of saying 'this is only my personal solution to the problem and it won't be right for everyone else'.
I hope no-one will give me too hard a time about this, but it may just help someone else.
A friend of mine suggested a Dianetics course, which of course involves the Church of Scientology. I will not recommend that anyone gets involved with
them, because I had a really bad experience with them financially. Plus, they are a bit short of auditors.
But, the first time I went into a session, it took 6 hours. No-one calling time or making me feel that they wanted to get off home. I followed the
auditor's initial guidance, found a problem and then dealt with it until it could no longer hurt me.
What a relief after my experience with the psychotherapist. I've read a few posts here where people try to debunk auditing, but I can only say it
worked for me.
If anyone reads my post this far and is interested in this, I would suggest finding independent scientologists. There are a lot of them about, you can
google Freezone or RonsOrg.
I've had a lot of auditing and have never suffered from depression since. It's like uprooting a problem that you've had attention on so then it's
gone for good. And you do feel better.
Thanks Tentickles for starting this thread. It' got a lovely, supportive atmosphere to it. My very best wishes to everyone here.