reply to post by Tentickles
Kudo's to you for bringing up the subject. I have suffered from depression/ bi-polar disorder, among others for my entire life.
While nobody in my family is willing to discuss it, I am sure that everyone in my family suffers from some form of severe mental illness.
Whenever I bring up the subject, I am told that it is not polite to do so, like I am stepping over some sort of personal boundry with the subject. I
have come to the conclusion that people who are mentally ill, but have never sought help, are sort of like addicts. They think there is nothing wrong
with them at all.
I do know that it is there, the family history, just based on a story from my Mother, alone. She discovered the body of her grandfather hanging in a
barn while she was a small child. She describes it as being his own personal demon, that could not possibly affect anything to do with herself.
She's the queen of mental illness, though if you ask her, she's the only normal one. Like Kyred, I suffered beatings at the hand of this woman on a
daily basis, and when she was done doing so, she would get my father to continue it, as soon as he walked in the door from work. In this day and age,
my parents would have been in prison. It was not uncommon for me to go to school with black eyes, and other bruises on my body, however, at that
time, teachers did not get involved in those sorts of issues. I did have one teacher while I was very young, who would take me out into the hall at
school, and talk to me, and this woman would cry!
When my family built a new home in another school district, this woman had a special conference with my parents to let them know of her concerns for
my safety. A very risky thing for her to do back in the 1960's.
The torture continued on from then, and I lived most of my life in the deepest darkness, whatever, that is so hard to describe. Nothing, even to this
day makes me happy, even when I should be. This is the case even when having been on medication. Like some others describe, all I got was a zombie
like feeling, that caused me to loose ambition, to do anything creative at least. When on meds, I miss the manic episodes that help me to accomplish
anything. I've never had a happy balance being on any sort of medication. What happens with me, is when they finally start working, they then have
to be added to. While I was on prozac, it worked for a couple of months, and at one point I was taking about 8 of them a day, and when that failed to
do the job, the Dr added anti-seizure medication to the mix (don't know why, I never had seizures) and eventually that quit working, as well. I have
to switch medications so often, that I think they are going to run out of options for me eventually.
Anyway, I am happy for this threads existance, and to read the experiences of other people.
I do find that diet does directly affect me. I am basically on a raw vegetable diet, that works for me. I can't eat bread, and I know I cannot have
things with sugar in them. I also have issues even if I eat something salty, so, I have to be very careful. Eating anything sugary messes up my
sleep patterns for a few days, in other words, I can't sleep if I sneak a peice of candy now and then. I'm being serious here! I guess the diet
part isn't too bad, being my age, I have a great figure, anyway!
Another thing I have pondered, and feel guilty about is knowing that there is a family history of mental illness in my family. Personally, I know my
parents should never have had children, because they passed their illness on to me. I think it's almost criminal for people with mental illness to
have children, so, I do greatly appreciate Kyred for sharing the story they did. I shouldn't talk though, because I have 4 beautiful children of my
own, and some of them show symptoms as well, and I feel guilty for that.
[edit on 16-4-2009 by Blanca Rose]