The high pitch squeal and blood curdling moans stabbed viciously in the mind of Jacks brain . If there ever was truly a higher being responsible for our creation and observance , he had clearly turned his back on us a long time ago.

Louder and Sharper , angrier and now more violent and enraged , the sound came screeching over and again as Jack listened to his high school sweetheart , now suffocating on her own life . The key to safety was to barricade yourself in doors , and drink as much water as you could to keep hydrated.

Fluoride being a poison seemed like only a myth, an urban legend once told of the government deliberately killing us off due to overpopulation. Just then as quick as the comforting thought of any sense of a reasonable thought formed in Jacks panic stricken state.

A loud crash came like a tree falling in the forest . His wife's fingernails now clawing against the wooden floor digging in deep to try to gain control over her losing struggle like branches being broken off from limbs.

It was quiet now , for what seemed like an eternity , Jack lay staring at his wife laying there on the ground lifeless and a shell , but still the most beautiful sight he had ever seen .

Now stolen away with the life ripped out from her due to the chemicals in there trusted small community's drinking supply.

Why had the government lied to us before , why was there never any warnings . Jack was frantically piecing together lies and deception , but then, in what seemed like an instant. The worst sound any man could ever hear knocked him back like a blow from a sledge hammer.

[edit on 11-4-2009 by Saytun]

"Daddy I feel sick " the words slowly poured out of his daughters mouth , she was his everything in this world his reason to wake up , his reason to go to work , and his reason to live.
as quickly as the words escaped her lips she too collapsed onto the floor . lifeless and in a dream like state his family lay on the floor staring up at this average hard working man , just like a mockery of life and God himself.

Jack instantly dropped to his knees while he held them for the last time in his arms as he felt their warmth escaping from their corpses. He looked up at a picture above the fireplace of a picture they had all dressed in there best clothes and smiling before they attended the baptism of a family member, dated November 4 2012 .

The pain was forced down , the agony was bottled up , rage now the only fire fueling this broken man . With nothing to live for now clinching his fists together feeling his knuckles crack . A picture of religion , how ignorant they had been to believe anyone could have been watching over them.
The prophecy's of demise in this year had been true , the Mayans proved to be correct after all . He then glanced over at his shoulder for a form of humanity to grasp onto , 2012 the calendar read.
This will be the year the people finally make a stand . Jack now standing full at attention with his back arched and fists clenched. he would work his way up the government ladder one by one to make them all pay with everything they have .


with that thought jack disappeared into the shadows of his basement , the once alive bright house , now dark and decayed , mute and unfamiliar .
Jack returned with a large knapsack he used for his military combat training days he participated in before his wife , before his family before even the name Jack was born. He was then known only by his rank and last name , Lieutenant Ryker. Two desert eagles now strapped to each leg remained in holsters hidden from the world like a scar stitched over to conceal a painful past. Flashbacks of his childhood hero John Wayne now seemed the only reasonable laws he would abide by . Hidden beneath his worn beaten down leather jacket , an M-16 Assault rifle lay concealed under the clutch of the jacket strapped around his back. This weapon was meant for any intruders or people questioning his now epic quest . but the handguns had a bullet that lay waiting in each chamber , for the most cynical and diabolical puppet of them all , the one they call the world most powerful man .

One for his brain to end his corrupted thoughts , and one for his heart to puncture it so he could feel the same pain Jack had suffered from having his heart ripped out , from his daughters dying breath.

Jack filled all of his belongings he needed for survivability into his knapsack , all except for one item . The picture of his once beautiful and alive family. No that item would stay close to him at all times in his pocket .
" God? " Jack mumbled out with a stone carved expression as he kissed his family goodbye and closed the door.
"GOD DOESN'T LIVE HERE ANYMORE!"



[edit on 11-4-2009 by Saytun]

Good story!
Very nice angle

Originally posted by locster
Good story!
Very nice angle

Thanks locster
after reading the other submitted stories I felt that I should take a different approach to this . A side many of us have inside of us but dare to let out.

I hope others enjoy this story as well , appreciate the feedback.

All I can say is wow. The pain that Jack felt flew through my veins, I could feel the abyss rising in his heart. Your story reached out and touched me in ways that other authors couldn't. You should publish this. I would love to read the entire story.

Originally posted by SemperParatusRJCC
All I can say is wow. The pain that Jack felt flew through my veins, I could feel the abyss rising in his heart. Your story reached out and touched me in ways that other authors couldn't. You should publish this. I would love to read the entire story.

thanks SemperParatusRJCC
It has been a while since I have touched any of my ideas to paper.
I just hope the Forum Admins get the dialogue as well as you did.
Very glad to hear you would love to hear the sound Jacks first footsteps make when he leaves his house.
As far as publishing this goes , lets see if I make it to the top 3 here first .
Remember I am new to the site so I don't start off with the (in-crowd) votes so many others on here receive .

Love the feedback though , and who knows maybe you will get to hear the rest of the story someday .

Wow, very intense, I could definitely feel the emotions of his anger.

But Intense is definitely the one word that I can think of.

Good job.

Originally posted by questioningall
Wow, very intense, I could definitely feel the emotions of his anger.

But Intense is definitely the one word that I can think of.

Good job.

Thank you questioningall.
I tried to keep it "Intense" and as emotionally captivating as I could throughout my story.

As I stated before after reading all of the submissions I tried to take an alternative angle to this.

I really focused on the fact it was a short story so I tried the best I could to keep the reader " at the edge of his/her seat " at all times and yet still give it a very raw , primitive humane twist of dialogue .

As a very well known Magician once stated : " Always keep them wanting more "

Thanks again for all the feedback , I will promise to respond to all posts .

Excellent story my friend, I hope you do well in the contest.

Wonderful story my friend! The imagery just brings you into the pain this man feels.

Like QA said, intense, very intense.

Originally posted by questioningall
Wow, very intense, I could definitely feel the emotions of his anger.

But Intense is definitely the one word that I can think of.

Good job.

i agree , INTENSE is a very bang on word to describe this story

it definitly should be cont IMO, as the stage is set well

Those two Desert Eagles are gonna get used, I can tell. The emotional rollercoaster for Jack has gone quickly from grief to vengeance and I don't feel pity those who bear responsibilty for the death of his family.



Get 'er done, Jack...