Originally posted by bringthelight
reply to post by flyindevil
Im going to go out on a limb here and say based on your comments, you have not fully grasped the info that has been provided here. Do not take this as
an insult because I was where you are about 2 years ago. I am going to [try and help you understand what I am talking about.
I don't take it as an insult, I honestly didn't grasp your info correctly. It's always better to get the real picture from the person then use your
own thoughts to think of what they mean.
What I said in my post is what it sounded like to me, not what I thought you actually felt. Things always need better explaining, especially for
By living in the moment, I do not mean living without any consequences or goals for the future.
So you do not mean living without the super-ego.
Just ask yourself, who is doing the examining? Is it the voice in your head that you hear most of the day? Is it constantly judging you based
on your past actions and worrying about where you will be in the future? If so, you are basing your perceptions of your self on your ego. You might
not accept this now, but you will eventually find it to be true.
So I am not my ego, I am my super-ego? Or am I a mixture of ego, super-ego, and id? Or am I something else?
Everyone goes through a big shift in their cognitive functions in their early 20's. It was only until I did that I was able to become the
observer. I think working on it now could help ease the transition a little.
So you want a way to know yourself. Here is my advise to you. Become the observer. Find the place where you can watch your thoughts. Don't label or
judge them. Once you find this place it will become easier to get back there. Learn to meditate, it helps immensely. When you can separate yourself
from the constant stream of the ego, you will find the person you really are. You are a separate and distinct entity. You can still set goals for your
future, just don't hinge your happiness on their outcome.
Ah, so I am supposed to be the observer, aka the super-ego (but without much of the judging)?
I don't think I judge myself on random thoughts, I do
judge myself on my actions and persistent
thoughts. Are persistent thoughts more
representative of me than random thoughts?
I sort of have the problem odi_gid_niria has, but a less severe form of it.
I haven't seen anyone about it, as I act rather active and happy a good chunk of the time (aka my ego doesn't usually reflect my super-ego).
(Hmmm, it seems I haven't followed the advice given in this thread)
If you mixed my actions with my thoughts, you would call me manic depressive. The thing is, I control the mania largely (so I seem more interesting,
one of the very few forms of lying I use), yet can't control the depression.
My brother is affected by depression, and has talked about killing himself. I couldn't imagine doing that.
I think of the way I have mistreated people (especially my friends), and I try to not act in that way. I have been an a**hole in the past (even when I
thought I was a nice guy; that's one mistake most people look over), and I believe I will continue to sometimes act like one. By looking at the
mistakes (at the time the actions were intentional) [they were mistakes (as opposed to accidents, accidents imply no one was at fault) and they HURT
people], I can learn to not be what I was before.
What people have done to me is nothing to compared to what I've done to myself through my actions (and my inactions
), on an emotional level. I
feel I can't just shrug it off, I feel I deserve the way I feel sometimes.
Others have derived untrue opinions about me through my inactions, as well.
The truth is I'm shy as #$%*. Even if I want something, and it can easily be gotten, I still can't ask for it. I have to get others to ask for me,
or others ask of me things.
Like a couple of times in middle school (grade 6-8). A friend of mine was telling me ask a certain girl to the dance (she did this repeatedly), and I
repeatedly said no. I liked the girl (somewhat, I liked her more before middle school), and I thought she didn't like me (even if I knew she liked
me, I still wouldn't and can't be able to ask her, or anyone).
I wasn't saying no to going to the dances with the other girl, I was saying no to ASKING the girl to go with me.
(I would have gladly
gone if she had asked me)
I learned in grade 9 that she liked me. I didn't know what to think. I originally thought she only recently started to like me. By that time, she had
fallen out of the sight of me. We hadn't talked or done anything with each other in years.
Her friend told me that she (the girl my friend told me to ask out) liked me. She (the friend) asked me if I liked her back. I had no answer at all. I
didn't know what I thought of her at the time.
About 4 months later, I found out that she had liked me for seven years. I realized this was when I pretty much met her. This was a bigger shock than
finding out she liked me. I saw things that showed me how she felt for the years that she liked me. I made her feel sad, ugly, and lonely, without me
even realizing it.
By that time my mind was constantly on her (as it still is). I was obsessed with her (in a way). Then I found out she didn't really have feelings for
me anymore, and she had a (online) boyfriend.
This completely crushed me. I became quite depressed after this incident (and am still).
About a month after learning she didn't have feelings for me anymore, I became HORRIBLY sick (also, my grandmother died, but that didn't phase me
much). I had the symptoms of someone with whooping cough. I started having dry coughs, which led to me having a sore throat, which lead to coughing
fits that would last five minutes, leaving me completely breathless. These coughing fits were so violent that I vomited after, even though my stomach
would feel completely fine before the fits. I would also commonly get a nosebleed after each fit, adding insult to injury. This lasted roughly 6
. I didn't see any of my friends, and it was over March Break.
It was the lowest point of my rather short life so far.
It was bad (don't tell me it wasn't), but it also helped me on the track to observe myself, which might help me greatly in the future.