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The problem with forming your personal identity around sex

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posted on Mar, 26 2009 @ 11:33 PM
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I wasn't sure which forum to post this under.

Your sexuality is a gift, so expressing it with pride is vain.

It becomes a basis for many of the relationships that you enter. People who don't acknowledge it, or acknowledge it incorrectly, are seen as threats to your existence. Each such interaction with these people makes you "fight or flight." The components of your personal identity that fight are reinforced. It become a vicious cycle.

Our society perfers to understand sex on a "good enough" basis, because of a greater appreciation for other, more civil endeavors. This is incompatible with someone whose personal identity is primarily tied to sex. Ironically, people who do it often and well are likely to appreciate it more.

When your sexuality fades, it's like you are confronting a fear of dying. You must adapt or die. Unfortunately, many people cope by finding another person through whom to vicariously maintain such a personal identity. At times, the other person is an unwilling participant. That is insincere, parasitic and, ultimately, abusive.

For about 47.5% of the average person's lifetime (38 out of 80 years total, from age 12 to age 50), he is capable of sexual reproduction. People spend only a very small fraction of this time sexually reproducing. There must be other concerns with which he should occupy his life, like conflict resolution, gathering provisions, contributing to civilized society and meaningful self-expression.




posted on Apr, 2 2009 @ 10:12 AM
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Frankly since Freud's ridiculous ideas of how all motivation refer's back to sex and agression, I haven't quite seen this take place. I've not met many people who identifiy themselves solely or mostly through sex. Where is this occuring?

The other issue I have is that sex is actually important. The biological processes of the brain are intense. Like it or not we are still animals. Deep down we have the need to reproduce and that oftens takes precedence.

Take a look at how men view women for example. We see attraction and often the qualities we look for in the female is sizeable breasts, a good breat-hip-waist ratio and body composition. All of these are in relation to reproduction. Good breast size triggers the mamallian instinct and we see the ability to feed our offspring. We see a good waist-hip ratio. We see these as the old adage goes "child-bearing hips."

Sadly, although I agree to a point, getting rid of this is liek trying to get rid of instinct.

The one thing I did notice is that you mention we should only spend a fraction of time reproducing and we pretty much do onyl spend a little time. When you consider sex for reproduction at most can happen once every 10-12 months then the rest of sex is for pleasure. What I am trying to figure out is, are you saying we should have sex only to reproduce?

-Kyo



posted on Apr, 4 2009 @ 02:11 PM
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Freud's ideas stem out of the humans need to sexually reproduce being sublimated towards efforts to flourish in society.

I'm not sure where you live (and it seems like a swell place to live) but in many places, especially those of low-to-moderate income, women develop low self-worth out of learned helplessness. They learn to assess their worth less in terms of civil endeavors, and more in terms of naturally-occuring attributes, like their capacity to physically reproduce.

In addition, feminism is teaching yet more women to place what I perceive to be an excessive appreciation for their bodies. This has ties into other social movements which I will not get into.

I believe that these people are over-valuing sex and sexual expression to the detriment of other civil endeavors, and that this is having a negative effect on civilization as a whole.

Yes, men like the female physical form, but nowadays women are focusing more and more mental energy learning how to present themselves physically, rather than develop other life skills.



posted on Apr, 5 2009 @ 10:59 PM
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If there's anything better than sex God kept it for Himself.

A healthy sex life is good for the body and the brain.

The one thing that I found bad about sex is that some people equate sex with love. They are looking for love, find sex and think it's love. That normally leads to a broken heart.

Yes, of course there is more to life than sex. But sex does make it interesting and fun.

We are sexual beings. But that is a small part of our character. It is not what defines us from others. It's rather like desert.



posted on Apr, 5 2009 @ 11:15 PM
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Originally posted by vcwxvwligen
Your sexuality is a gift, so expressing it with pride is vain.


So Im guilty of being vain simply for acknowledging that Im straight?



Our society perfers to understand sex on a "good enough" basis, because of a greater appreciation for other, more civil endeavors.


Well you're obviously way off there as there are now sex therapists and couples counselling etc that deal with sex on a deep level. Its not as taboo as what it once was



When your sexuality fades, it's like you are confronting a fear of dying. You must adapt or die. Unfortunately, many people cope by finding another person through whom to vicariously maintain such a personal identity. At times, the other person is an unwilling participant. That is insincere, parasitic and, ultimately, abusive.


So you're saying that its wrong for people to want to go out and get some casual nooky or something along those lines?

And you're also saying that if that casual nooky is not available...they resort to rape? Thats ludicrous :dwn:



For about 47.5% of the average person's lifetime (38 out of 80 years total, from age 12 to age 50), he is capable of sexual reproduction. People spend only a very small fraction of this time sexually reproducing. There must be other concerns with which he should occupy his life, like conflict resolution, gathering provisions, contributing to civilized society and meaningful self-expression.


Sex is a huge part of life. Wether it be for enjoyment, to have kids or simply show your love for someone, and its ability to make you forget your troubles and relieve stress.

Im assuming you may be of a certain religious background which doesnt agree with sex for anything other than the desire to have children. If so....then maybe you should keep your ideas and beliefs to yourself


[edit on 5/4/2009 by OzWeatherman]



posted on Apr, 8 2009 @ 01:19 PM
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reply to post by vcwxvwligen
 


vcwxvwligen,

Someone else clued me into the existance of this thread and after considering it for a couple of days decided to post on it.

Your topic line is very interesting to me and one on which I have commented on in numerous threads over the last couple of years.
I totally agree with you here in this quote.


Your sexuality is a gift, so expressing it with pride is vain.


I find this form of expression very dominant in todays social structure but it seems not to be obvioius to most peoples. I think so many have been bombarded by sexuality and sex in so many avenues that they think this nonsense is normal. Once you see it for what it really is...it doesnt make good nonsense.

What I have learned is that people are so much more than mere sexuality and yet so many limit themselves to self glory by the avenue of sexuality. From the type of cars they buy or are bought for them...to the clothes they wear or choose for thier children...to the foods they eat. So much of our merchandizing revolves around concealed sexuality to sell products it has permeated a social structure to what I think is the detriment of the people in it.

Another way of expressing this is to say that sexuality has been used or misused by merchandizers, Advertisers and even our leaders themselves to sell the very soul of a nation. To me this is putting the cart before the horse so to speak.

People know so much more about rampant, runaway sexuality than they do about the history or our nation, the world, or their own family lineage. It is a poor example to define ones self by the products we purchase and know based on veilled sexuality....than we do about what we know of our family histories.

This is my main beef about the Homosexual movement..in that their sole claim to fame is their sexual orientation. Yet we have been so groomed and conditioned by sexual media and guilt condition that most of us dont even get it ..as to what is wrong with this.
This is a group of people whose sole claim to fame is their sexuality and or sexual orientation..yet no one seems to get that it is strange behavior.

Hetero sexuals are not immune to this as well...for this fingerprint is heavily marketed to them too. Particularly our women...24/7 are heavily marketed by sexuality. It is just more subtilty done than it is to males but it is there nonetheless.

People are so much more than mere sexuality. Why would anyone be so ignorant as to use this as a yardstick of greatness and acceptability??

You have to go to school to be educated into this ignorance as a lifestyle. People are not this naturally stupid on their own merits and or demerits.

Your point is well made.

I am not against sexuality here..dont misunderstand me. I am against sexualty as a measure of greatness or acceptability..or used/misused to sell us products and keep us on a spending treadmill...right down to our children. Even misused to get us to vote a certain way.

To steal or seduce our very souls into a behavior pattern not our own.

People ..hetero or homo using sexuality to bring glory to themselves is the height of stupidity. It is indeed vanity.

Thanks,
Orangetom






[edit on 8-4-2009 by orangetom1999]



posted on Apr, 9 2009 @ 01:10 AM
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--

[edit on 9-4-2009 by vcwxvwligen]



posted on Apr, 9 2009 @ 01:10 AM
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Originally posted by OzWeatherman

Originally posted by vcwxvwligen
Your sexuality is a gift, so expressing it with pride is vain.


So Im guilty of being vain simply for acknowledging that Im straight?

That's not what "sexuality" means




Our society perfers to understand sex on a "good enough" basis, because of a greater appreciation for other, more civil endeavors.


Well you're obviously way off there as there are now sex therapists and couples counselling etc that deal with sex on a deep level. Its not as taboo as what it once was

Therapy and counselling are for fixing problems



When your sexuality fades, it's like you are confronting a fear of dying. You must adapt or die. Unfortunately, many people cope by finding another person through whom to vicariously maintain such a personal identity. At times, the other person is an unwilling participant. That is insincere, parasitic and, ultimately, abusive.


So you're saying that its wrong for people to want to go out and get some casual nooky or something along those lines?

And you're also saying that if that casual nooky is not available...they resort to rape? Thats ludicrous :dwn:

No, I'm talking about like old ladies who pimp out girls, or live vicariously through them.


Sex is a huge part of life. Wether it be for enjoyment, to have kids or simply show your love for someone, and its ability to make you forget your troubles and relieve stress.

Im assuming you may be of a certain religious background which doesnt agree with sex for anything other than the desire to have children. If so....then maybe you should keep your ideas and beliefs to yourself


Something tells me that you use sex as an emotional crutch. You could stand to learn some conflict resolution skills yourself, and not prejudge me as some religious person.



posted on Apr, 9 2009 @ 01:29 AM
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reply to post by orangetom1999
 



The reason why life, and particularly American culture, is so complicated is that it gives people something to do. The biggest problem is that people will then tend to undervalue sexuality, which causes a few crazies here and there to act out and cause all sorts of trauma to the rest. Instead of striking a fine balance, American pop culture seems to be embracing the opposite extreme.

People who are ignorant and mistrust their own critical thinking skills rely on other people to make decisions on their behalf (ie to "protect" them). While on paper it would synthesize moderation, in actuality it disempowers the general population through induced trauma resulting from bombardment and repetition.

My problem with the pro-gay agenda is that they fail to acknowledge the diversity of people who identify as homosexual. As such, it is actually superficial and hypocritical, in my opinion, to devote your life's work towards the advancement of "gay rights." Lots of "pro-gay" education courses, for instance, expose the audience to forms of expression which are presumptuous, irrelevant or otherwise alienating.



posted on Apr, 10 2009 @ 03:24 AM
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reply to post by vcwxvwligen
 


vcwxvwligen,


The reason why life, and particularly American culture, is so complicated is that it gives people something to do


I think you mean to say ..."it gives people something artificial to do."

Amusement. A without ...muse...thinking...without thinking..Amuse or Amusement.

Something used or misused to prevent thinking.


American pop culture seems to be embracing the opposite extreme.


A Lot of American pop culture is to prevent people from thinking ..and instead emoting.. becoming drama queens.

This way you can control them much easier and even predict and guarantee the way they are going to vote.


People who are ignorant and mistrust their own critical thinking skills rely on other people to make decisions on their behalf (ie to "protect" them).


Yes..this is pretty much what I was getting at. Amusement..especially emotional amusement prevents critical thinking.


My problem with the pro-gay agenda is that they fail to acknowledge the diversity of people who identify as homosexual.


They are not interested in diversity per se...they are interested in this particular group because they can be emotionally stroked for votes. This particularly in high electorial vote states where many of this particular group are located...large cities with large populations.

The other group of potential voters who can be stroked emotionally for votes is women. Once again in high population centers..ie..cities. These just like the gays can be emotionally stroked for votes and hence just as predictable and controllable.

Notice..both of these groups are highly represented in the public education system..which is also paid for by the body politic....looking to groom the next block of predictable, controllable, malleable, guaranteed voters..to keep and maintain power. Both are stroked by victimization based politics, education and thinking. Hence it is the same people/masters running both of these programs or groups.

No critical thinking required...only emotions and drama.

Both of these groups use guilt politics and entitlement thinking based on emotions. They are being run and stroked by the same masters at the expense of the public. Both groups are heavily into sexual identity. Hence emotions. Their sexual identity is being hijacked emotionally to put them on the political string as necessary and required...for votes.

When you do not identify yourself by your sexuality..it is not as easy for someone to put you on a string and control you ..particularly emotional control.

Thanks,
Orangetom



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