You must reply this to this thread, because I have an idea,... help is needed.

I am reminded that back in my grandmothers time (1914+), young girls would find work in other people's homes by being a maid/cook/babysitter, etc. My grandmother was given room and board and a very small wage. To her, it was her job. She worked for two different family's in a coal mining town before she got married. Her sisters did the same. Back then it was very common for young girls to do this.

[edit on 26-3-2009 by virraszto]

If someone else has already noticed and posted forgive me. But this sounds like some kooky pick-up line. How about a single father and one child? I doubt that you would enjoy some starange guy walking around in his skivvies just like our wives wouldn't want a woman strolling around in her teddy. If you are going to go for this I suggest you take in a family. I'm sure the man could help you with yard work or car repair just as much as the woman could help with the "woman's work" you have described. (Before I get he sexist pig rap, I'll tell you that I do more laundry and cooking in my household than my wife.) Anyway just a thought.

reply to post by Doomsday 2029


I think what you are doing is noble. I also think it is very dangerous. You are putting your family at risk here. If you are serious, think about going to a local chuch, or yours if you have one and looking for someone they might recommend. Try going to a battered women's shelter, try to do anything but look for folks without a reference. Get a reference from someone you can look in the eye and preferably someone you trust.

You can likely accomplish what you want to accomplish. Be safe and be smart in how you go about doing it.

Your family is what you have. Don't put it at risk by being so open.

reply to post by Doomsday 2029


That's a VERY good idea!! IF more people would be willing to help other, needy people like that, the world would indeed be a better place.

What is wrong with people today if they cannot trust another person? Why should you be afraid of giving your trust to someone you can help?

THAT is exactly what is wrong with people nowadays ... they are afraid to loose. To loose what? Mere materialistic stuff.

Give from the heart, give in love and there will be nothing to be afraid of.

Of course someone who you take into your house can lie to you, steal from you etc etc but I believe a person has to let his heart be open, even when it can be hurt.

I would like to help as you are trying but I live in a still not so badly affected country. I do really admire your courage to let a homeless inside your house (star and falg for it). I know that a lot of posters wrote already that it can be a little risky but I still belive that there is a lot of good people out there who would pay back to you.

personally I try to help as much as I can. and even when I know that I was deceived and my help did not come to the right person I still have something back. it is my soul or however you call it, my character, my personal picture of myself, my senses who benefit. simply I just feel better.

Your suggestion, in my opinion, really doesn't work...

last time I let some homeless come into my house, they treated me like the slave.

I have them a coca cola.

They used the restroom and took a shower. I gave them new towels.

Then you know what? She asked me to get them a chair so she can put their feet on it to their shoes? That last part I really don't get.

Another time, I'm not sure if this person was really homeless or not, begged me till I gave him money. He won't leave the house if I didn't. Next morning he walked away without me knowing, and who knows what he took?

Perhaps I can accept those people who are degraded by this depression, but for the bums who walks around to take advantage of people? no.

I am a Male with two kids.

I also am Bi sexual which is why my wife left me.

I am 100% honest and trustworthy, cook a damn good lasagne and need somewhere to live asap.

One of the kids has ADHT.

I work out and am very very muscly with a six pack and 26 with an career in modelling that has fallen through as there is not so much advertising.

Still interested?

Kind regards,

Elf.

Edit to add NONE of the above is true about me except for being muscly lol and an ex model, oh and the lasagne... dum de do da

[edit on 26-3-2009 by MischeviousElf]

reply to post by Doomsday 2029


I think this is a fantastic idea and I commend you for doing it !!!

I would suggest you find an agency that will do a background check for both you and the tenant so you both know what you're getting into.
There are some agencies out there that I believe are called "room mate finders".
I would also have a lawyer draw up a contract and be as exact as possible as to what you expect and what you will give.

I miss the days when a handshake was as good as a written contract.

reply to post by MischeviousElf


There ya go, Doomsday...sumpthin for everybody!
silly 2nd line.....

Your generosity brings me joy. We will all benefit from working together in the trials to come in this country. We have been taught to distrust strangers and it's true one has to be very careful... but there are so many honest people out there, too. The more work you are willing to put into the choice you make, the better your situation will likely work out.

I have some personal experience with giving this type of help and would like to offer you some advice. My sister recently took in a single mother and child for a similar trade-off. Also my parents took in people when I was growing up from time to time.

Set specific expectations and log them. Situations like this usually end up feeling awkward because the host feels like they are giving a lot and the one being helped feels in debt to them and out of place in their own home. Some of this awkwardness can be avoided with detailed duty specifications and hours, perhaps like the contract you intend to make up. This woman needs to know exactly what is expected of her b/c she will be walking on eggshells. Over time, you and she both need to know that she is pulling her own weight.

Be warm. Welcome them as part of the family (as it sounds as if you intend to do.) Keep communication clear and open and as non-confontational as possible barring serious problems. Ask for her input when appropriate. Schedule a weekly or monthly meeting to sit down with just her and your wife to discuss household matters.

I believe that someone worthy of your help will fall into your lap, but you may have to do some asking around locally. You would definitely be best to get a local person b/c they would most likely have SOME fallback support base of friends and family. Having strangers around can be more taxing than you think, even if you become fast friends; it would be good if this woman gets out sometimes for activities or whatnot, which would be likely if she were local. Make sure you like this person personally before you invite them to move in. If some friend of a friend ends up needing help, see if you can meet them socially before they know what you are considering.

My parents always heard about people who needed help through church friends. The girl my sister helped works at the Mexican restaurant we go to. You will find someone somewhere, but I can't tell you where to look. Ask around. A friend of a friend might work at an unemployment office or a local charity. Depending on your beliefs, you might consider asking the appropriate spiritual consultant if he/she has any prayer requests or knows of anyone in need that you might want to consider.

Make sure you know how to call it quits. Set an ultimatum in the beginning, like if a serious problem is discussed and not rectified within a timeframe, they need to move out. If the FEEL just isn't working out, talk, talk, talk... and if that isn't getting you anywhere, don't be afraid to ask them to find another place within a reasonable deadline.

May you have wisdom and providence in this venture.

Doomsday

Assuming you live in the US, I applaud you from the UK.

It appears that many people are worried about having complete strangers live in their home. It does not necessarily have to be that way. If you are able - give a home and job to someone you know - or someone who can be recommended by someone you know well.

In my state, if someone moves in, and recieves a single peice of mail at your address, you have to evict them if you want them gone. It takes 90 days.

We had the brother-in-law, his GF, and twin babies here for a year.

When she wore her welcome out( sleeping till noon, never helping out, laying around, disappearing for hours at a time to do drugs) she was already aware that we could not kick her out until she was served eviction, and then she had 90 days.

Watch out for the users.

PS the way around this is have a cop waiting down the street after her drug buddies pick her up.

reply to post by undermind


Thats a good idea, but where the hell is someone going to get the money to buy a spare house? If your rich enough, sure, why not? But any middle class person is probally not going to be able to purchase something like that.
I'm not saying its a bad idea, just a tiny bit unrealistic.

I'd like to say a word of caution, this is just my experience:

About a year ago I moved into a large house in the country with two friends. There's a quarter acre garden to tend.

One housemate, the one I knew best is fine, we've both got similar values and neither of us minds hard work.

The other just basically lived off us. Wouldn't help much with the housework, and if he did we'd usually end up finishing off the job properly.

He was dangerous in the kitchen because he couldn't cook properly. I often used to hear a scream when he was in there and had to restrain myself from going out to see what was wrong. (Trying to be tactful).

He did hardly any work in the garden and watched me nearly breaking my back to get it straight. He was the sort of person who'd start a job, do all the fun part then leave it to someone else to clear up after him.

I'd put up with him because we needed his contribution to paying the expenses but the other h/m was begging me to get rid of him. Fortunately for us, he left because he couldn't manage the travelling to and from work.

He now owes me a lot of money because I had to keep bailing him out because he couldn't get a job with decent hours and wages. Need I say he's a bit slow in coughing up?

Up until we shared a house I thought this person was honest and trustworthy. I could never be prepared for his laziness, he'd even resent being asked to post a letter if he was going past the post box.

I really wouldn't advise anyone to take a person into their home and ask that person to work instead of paying rent. You don't know what their standards are and it might be difficult to ensure they do whatever work they've agreed to do.

By far the best thing would be to charge a small or reasonable rent and allow the lodgers to decide for themselves how much they wanted to be a part of the family or share amenities.

Sorry to go on a bit, but even when you think you know people living with them can be a real eye-opener.

I could take someone in now. I'd love a fit young guy to help in the garden in return for the use of a room, but if a friend could let me down so badly I hate to think how I'd manage with a stranger.

When we lived in the states and needed house help we'd put the word out at senior centers. We'd offer free room and board, plus 50 bucks a week in exchange for light house keeping and cooking the evening meal.
We found excellent help and they didn't have to spend their social security check on rent. Most seniors aren't party hounds so we didn't have to worry about drugs, it was a win-win situation. One lady stayed with us for two years the other for three years until she got married.
I'd suggest this to anyone looking for house help with a little extra room to spare.

It's a big world and some people will have had bad experiences. Those that have, will let you know about it. Sometimes things don't pan out - That's life.

Never let that discourage you from making an effort to help somebody else. If you try and it fails - Fine. Learn from it and move on.

Somebody in your country once said 'We do it not because it is easy - but because it is hard'.

reply to post by blujay
Very good and I love the cat website,I haven't laughed that hard in a long time.

Funny how some have learned(the hard way)to trust in the animal kingdom rather then our own spicies.Humans are just not to be trusted anymore,can't imagine what happened.

Actuelly its sad,but more then that its human nature.

Then you are not helping them out but negotiating a business deal. Call it what it is, a business deal.


And the contract needs to work both ways. That you can't bribe her with eviction by upping the ante and demaning 40 hours of work.

Your general idea is great. I think it is with good intentions, so I don't know why so many are ragging on you.

Metaphors help me understand complicated things.

I think of your idea like an investment. You are putting up your own assets at some risk. As with any investment, you will naturally expect to recieve some kind of return. The great part about your idea is that in the long-term the people that you choose to help will get more of a return on your investment than you will.

Don't let the haters get you down!

Originally posted by emeraldzeus

I do believe you are genuinely wanting to be helpful, but also, there is a tone that makes me cringe. No matter how down-and-out people get, they still have their pride, and NOBODY....NOBODY.....wants to feel "owned" or obligated in service to another, just to survive, let alone feel like nothing is theirs after all the hard work they do. At least the tent belongs to them.

Well, the fact of the matter is that in one way or another, we are all owned. The system now ownes us, and the only way we can function like an average person is by being apart of this SERIOUSLY CORUPT system. Many of us work for an a-hole boss. Many of us FEEL owned by our parents or spouse. Many of us have a feeling of being in prison, even to the point that you can say, spiritualy, we are prisoners to our own flesh. You are right that nobody wants to feel this way, but many have come to the realization that in some form or fasion, we are owned.

I like to tell myself that I am a slave to God, and that God is nothing but unconditional love and forgiveness

Originally posted by emeraldzeus

I do think you are on to something though, and trust is a big thing these days. I will venture to say that if you enter a relationship like this with your fears in tact, you will likely attract the very person you are wanting to steer clear of. If you are a believer in God, put it there and see where it takes you.

My advice though? (Not that it's worth anything) If people are welcome in another's home, in exchange for said duties, then what future do they have? They will never quite be loyal to you or your family, because you aren't providing them anything that will be stable....your house is not, nor will ever be their house. Your children will never be their children, and all that housework and childcare you want in exchange.....well, I know women who would balk at the mention of what you are offering, and the women I know don't particularly enjoy cleaning up their own family's messes and staying with their OWN kids all day, let alone cleaning up another family's messes and staying with their children. Sure, they love their family, but what you're asking is for a strange woman to instantly love your family in the same way, with complete disregard for her own ambitions and dreams. I'm sure your own wife has, at times, expressed the frustration of becoming "domesticated", no? That seems to be a very common ordeal in today's marriages, and I'd be surprised if she hasn't.

The goal I had in mind was a one-year deal. I take in a homless person and a child, I tell them they have 12 months to get back on their feet, I'll help him or her with job searches, provide them with a car, provide them with "job interview" clothes, food, shelter, and all the works... Some days they are searching for ways to make their life better, and then others day, she performs whatever duties I need done.

So the fist few months, this person would be doing a lot of work for me... We would comprimise on what I need done in my establishment, and what it is that I'm looking for.

I believe within atleast four months, She can find a decent job that pays over $15 an hour. Once this is accomplished, She would be doing very minimal service work for me, but would still live at my place while he or she can establish a decent sized "piggy bank". After 8 months have gone by, He or She should have about $3,000 saved up. That's enough to get started on a One Bedroom Apartment. We would spend the last four months helping this person find a way to live on their own.

Here is the problem, if this person is in serious debt, how can he or she get back on solid ground? It would be damn near impossible if they had $20k debt.

Originally posted by emeraldzeus

It just seems to me to be an offer of....you're homeless, so you should be lucky to come to my home and do all these "womanly" duties for me and my family, in exchange for free room and board. Hmmm....if I were a homeless single Mom, which I'm not, I think I might enjoy a tent better than that offer, but that's just me. You're offering servitude for really nothing in return. And if she wants to get a job so she can spend money and work to get out on her own? Then what? How will she pay for her car and insurance if she is staying home with your kids all day?

Well, I'm pretty sure 98% of American women would prefer to live in a house under semi-strict rules than live in a tent.

Originally posted by emeraldzeus

So I understand what you want....but my honest feeling is you'd be better off HIRING someone to do the dirty work around your house, because at least then, you know you're getting a good job done and you'll get what you pay for. Oh, by the way.....maids AREN'T cheap, neither are cooks, and have you seen the prices of live-in nanny's? This is a disaster you're asking for when she discovers what you want from her...why do it for free when there are families who pay hundreds of thousands of dollars for just ONE of those jobs?

There will be a mutual understanding, background checks, and much more... Before this person steps foot in my house, they will have a clear understanding of what is expected, and this person will have a clear understanding of how I will be helping them.

Originally posted by emeraldzeus

I think your offer could be insulting to a hard-working woman (drugs excluded for the sake of conversation) who got hit hard by the economy, and no woman in her right mind would agree to that situation, let alone sign a contract with you and your family. I'm sorry if I sound harsh, but your tone towards the homeless seems less than respectful of their humanity or their desire to want more out of life. Would YOU agree to the situation you offered? Would your wife? It doesn't seem like a fair exchange at all to me.

I don't think it would be insulting at all, and if it is... they can have fun living on the street. And it seems like perfectly fair exchange concidering I would be giving more than the small services I would receive.

Originally posted by emeraldzeus

So why a woman? Why not a man? Why not a youth? Why not adopt? Why not just donate to a homeless shelter or have you and your family volunteer at the food bank or cafeteria? If you really want to help, that's where it's needed....you won't get anything in return except a good feeling. Heck, you might even make some amazing friends who you'd never consider asking to do your housework!

Women are better with children... let's be honest.

Women are better maids... let's be honest.

This is just for my personal situation... Other people might prefer to take in a 40 year old man so they can some of the real blue-collared labor done around the house.

I am looking to do volunteer work, and getting the family in the process as well BTW.

[edit on 26-3-2009 by Doomsday 2029]

[edit on 26-3-2009 by Doomsday 2029]