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Originally posted by Th8nker
I'm opening up a little here and testing the water. I've had a few conversations about this with my very closest friends.
Who on this website is subject to evil thoughts. I'm not talking about taking the last biscuit on the plate or jumping the queue, I'm talking about ideas that when they pop into your head, make you feel sick to your stomach, thoughts that make you feel ashamed of yourself and almost tormented.
I'm a peaceful individual, I don't drink, I don't do drugs or smoke or indulge in anything such as ouija boards and so forth. I wake up everyday and work at improving myself and the lives of those around me in positive ways and yet in my darkest corner, it feels like I'm being urged to break myself by doing something horrible. My will is far too strong to give in to such obscenities but I feel terrible about these thoughts. They're not like ordinary thoughts either. They're spontaneous like a person suggesting something to you. Not like that voice in your head or general anticipated thinking at all. My imagination is also powerful enough to generate the outcome of these acts and see them in my minds eye before I have a chance to intervene.
Additionally,I refuse to go into detail about these thoughts. I've told no-one in the world, only that they exist. Just think about the worst thing you can, dwell on it for 15 minutes and you'll get some idea of what I feel like in an instant. So who else goes through this? I'm no psychologist but I'm guessing, (actually more hoping) this is a natural human instinct. How do others cope with this as this happens 10-15 times everyday for me and its getting more noticable.
Thanks for your time,
Originally posted by Acidtastic
I've had a bit of an "episode" today funnily enough. Now, I know that the reason my dark side is so strong, is because I had/have drug enduced paranoid skitzophrenia. (self diagnosed, you won't get me admitting this to any quack!!) When people talk down to me, or try to belittle me, it sends me off on an internal mental journey of sick twisted torturous ideas. For instance, the guy on another forum, who called me a "fruitloop f#tard" because I'm opposed to fluoridated water. Has, in my mind, been kicked to a bloody mess, glassed in the face and all sorts of horrible things that I'd never want o do in real life. But truth be known, if he was standing infront of me right now, I can honestly say that I don't know if I'd do the horrible twisted sick thoughts that I'm thinking about or not.
Originally posted by Th8nker
Thanks for all your replies on this one. Its good to know others at least know what I'm talking about. Very reassuring. I can only really explain this in terms of torment really, something that plagues us as a species. For me, it is some form of attack. I don't necessarily believe that these ideas are from a part of me. Maybe its just that I don't want to admit they are. Like I said previously, there is a clear distinction to me here between the way I usually think and the way these ideas appear. I'm not much of a believer in demons (in the conventional sense anyhow) but I do believe in negative energy and that for whatever reason, we are sometimes attacked by things unseen. Occasionally, I even feel like I'm conversing with something else during this events. A duality that I cannot seem to grasp as it feels like a big argument between two things that couldn't be more different.