reply to post by kupoliveson
I am hearing what you are saying, I just don't agree with you.
We have to start teaching people while they are still little children, before they turn 5. The ages before 5 are when children learn many important
life "concepts". Those are the ages when many neurons in the brain are developing, or not developing. If children do not learn certain concepts by
age 5, it makes it very very hard in adulthood to "break the chain".
I know that some people who have addictions have almost a negative chance of breaking that addiction and moving on to a healthy life. BUT IT CAN BE
DONE. And knowing this, I can only have hope.
I am proof of that, you have no idea how much I am proof of that.
The woman that you are discussing has what is called "enablers", if her family is running interference for her, they are NOT helping her. They are
actually telling her that her actions are acceptable and that they will "bail" her out any time she makes unhealthy choices.
Having children in my husbands family who have been adopted, and knowing what this can sometimes cause to the emotional stability of the adopted
person if they do not have good support, also proves to me that environment is a link that cannot be denied.
My Mom in law (raised in a toxic family) was very young when she became pregnant, she was forced to adopt these twins out as in her "day" parents
made those choices for their children. A couple of years ago my Mom in law found her daughter, her daughter had been raised in a very toxic family
situation, and was living a toxic life. We all tried to help her, but she refused any help and we have not seen her since. My Mom in law as well had
a son who was adopted out at the same time, who was adopted into a great family. He is a WONDERFUL guy, one that I am proud to have as a brother.
I know that those who have a supportive adopted family grow up to be loving adults. The truth is, you never know what is going on behind the closed
doors of your neighbors. You might see "healthy" interactions, but you don't know that those interactions carry over into the privacy of their
My brother in law (adopted INTO the family, yes my family has many adoptions into and out of the family), had a birth mother that was "toxic" and he
was born with addictions. He has had some minor learning disabilities, but other than that, he is one of the nicest, loving persons I have ever met.
He is grown, in the military now and living a happy, productive life. You would have taken that from him with your ideas, as well as my sister in law
who is also adopted, her parent left her on the doorstep of a church when she was a week old. We will never know who her birth family is, but I
suspect that her birth family was also "toxic". But if you met her today (grown up), you would possibly feel shame as to your theory in this
thread. This young woman, is the nicest, sweetest most intelligent young lady that I have met in a very long time.
(other than my own children, who I feel are the most bestest greatests smartests people in the world)
Actually, MOST people I know would not be alive, if we lived by your ideas. If we lived by your ideas, my family has many people, who are loving,
empathetic, compassionate, funny, joyous people who would not be around. What a sad thing, to think that such wonderful people would not be around
because of the confusion and fear of others.
The link IS environment, other than those who have a mental illness, and SOMETIMES environment can be the cause that "kicks off" a mental illness.
Take twins, and separate them, put one in a "toxic" family and one in a healthy family, and see what you end up with. ENVIRONMENT makes a HUGE
I am not saying that genetics have zero influence, because I do believe that genetics play a part, I just happen to believe that environment plays an
even bigger part.
You know of two, well I know of at least 6, possibly more, who came from toxic families, and today they are citizens, that any country would be proud
to have. And any family would be proud to call a brother, sister, aunt, uncle, parent etc. They are people that others are proud to have as
The biggest link, is a toxic environment. Which can come from many different directions than just a parent.