Pain...it's what's for dinner!

This is about pain. Dig deep. The deeper the better. The more real the better. This will be a weak attempt as it is my first, but I plan for this to get real painful as time goes on and I ask you ALL to join me...


Routine
Is it a good thing?
I don't feel loved
Is that sad?
Or is it normal?

Routine
Don't feel bad for me
I'm not looking for that
Just thinking out loud
Just venting

Routine
Same old same old
Same old lady
That hates me
Having fun yet?

Routine
Make the money
And get the honey
Who am I?
That's secondary

Routine
It's not who I am
It's what I have
And what's coming
I don't matter

Routine
Break the pattern
Take the money and run
That would be fun
But not my style

Routine
Repeat until death
I don't fear it
Sometimes I crave it
Like love







[edit on 18-3-2009 by Excitable_Boy]

Straight razor L and scissoring V
And on either side an O and an E

That's all I got
I wanted to write
But words can't repair
When words made us fight

They cut and we bled
But still I love you
Though it might kill me
What else can I do


[edit on 3/19/09 by TravelerintheDark]

I know what
that look means.
I know what
"it's OK" means.
"Do what ever
You want to do"
"I don't care
anymore."
Spills drinks,
fondles another
man's life.
She is looking
for alter natives.
Places where she
can lay all
this greasy talk
on somebody.
Even our laughter
lies, dead drunk.

This heart of mine
Used to ache for you
Whenever I said Goodbye
But now I look at you
And I can't stand
To have you in my sight

This heart of mine
Used to break for you
Whenever you played that card
But now you know
That I can play fair and
I too, can break your heart

This heart of mine
Was once engraved
By the solitude i found in your name
But now when I think of you
It drives me mad
And I wish you'd just go away

This heart of mine
Used to beat for you
You were the reason that I breathe
But I hold my breath
And I wish you death
Because, you are killing me


- Carrot

Our father who art in heaven
Father, do I have to have my clothes off?
Little Jimmy, I told you
To be an altar boy you must be cleansed
Hallowed be thy name
I'm cold and I don't feel right father
Do not worry my little Jimmy
It will all be over soon
Thy kingdom come
Why are you touching me father?
Why do you question me little Jimmy?
I am a man of the cloth
Thy will be done
God wants you naked Jimmy
Like the day you were born
That's how we romove your sins
On earth as it is in heaven
What sins father? Ow...that hurts
I have the power of God in my body
Do not question me Jimmy
Give us this day our daily bread
Question me and you'll go to hell
I don't want to go to hell father
Then let me finish cleansing you Jimmy
And forgive us our trespasses
You're not supposed to touch me there
Jimmy, do you want God to punish you?
Then behave or you will be in trouble
As we forgive those who trespass against us
There Jimmy, we're done for today
You can put your clothes on
Father I'm bleeding, what is wrong?
And lead us not into temptation
You are being punished for your sins
I told you to behave little Jimmy
I'm sorry father I didn't mean to mess up
But deliver us from evil
Now Jimmy, this ritual is private
You cannot tell anyone what went on here
What about my mom and my dad father?
For thine is the kingdom, the power and the glory
Especially your parents Jimmy
This is a private ritual between us and God
Break it and you will go to hell, understand?
Forever and ever, amen






[edit on 19-3-2009 by Excitable_Boy]

But deliver us from evil.
God help us
on this day
like this and
one of many.
This day was
full of mercy,
but we got through
at last till dinner.
Dinner will be good,
but know no good.
Christ knows where
it will be tomorrow
down the drain.
So may we eat it up,
talking in mindless ease,
and by the fishwife,
star of the sea,
ride out the night
and eat some fish
on Friday.

Why did you hit me when I asked you to stop?
A pugilists mouth
Tongue like a strop
How are my feelings worth less than the floor?
They're under your feet
Now shut with the door
How could you walk when I needed you here?
Not really crying
Vainly shed tear
I told you before, I know I'm not strong
Not stronger than you
I'll admit I was wrong
I'll eat from my belly, eat # with the worms
If that's what it takes
If you need me to burn
I'll pay for their mistakes, make them my own
I'll do what you want
Just don't leave me alone, mommy

I'm eating by myself again, that's just the way it is,
Yes, I'm chewing real slow, yes I'm eating crow,

I swallowed my dignity a long time ago, can't you tell ?
With a large glass of wine, I bypassed the smell . .
Of fear,
Of anger,
Of hate,
Of lies, . . . of ever seeing thanks in your eyes.

I eat pain for dinner, for breakfast and lunch,
On weekends I nibble on heartbreak at brunch.

That's just the way it is, . . just the way it is.
I'm eating by myself again. But I'm not getting fat, I'm getting thin.

Some let the body run out of nutrients
It starts to feed on itself
Eventually they die
For some, death
Is better than
Life

Some cut themselves and hurt themselves
Because they want to feel something
Attempt to kill themselves
But don't want to die
Want life to be
Better


Some people starve to death on purpose
Some are abused and neglected
Eventually they die
For them, life
Was death
Dead




edit: to fix second stanza...

[edit on 20-3-2009 by Excitable_Boy]

Now I lay me down to sleep
Mom, there's something I have to tell you
Not now Jimmy. Is your room clean?
Don't embarass me in front of our guests
Do we have to have guests?
They're trying to show their respects
What is wrong with you lately
This attitude is getting really old

I pray the Lord my soul to keep
There's Jimmy. How you holdin' out kid?
I don't know uncle Don...I don't know
This is about your brother Jimmy
I know. I can't look at him
I can't talk to him. He was my best friend
I need to talk to him uncle Don
NEED TO TALK TO SOMEBODY

Should I die before I wake
Jimmy, that's enough. Go to your room
Always wants to be the center of attention
I know what I gotta do
I need to be with you Danny
You didn't leave me on purpose
You had the horrible cancer
I can get Mom's pills and we can be together

I pray the Lord my soul to take
Mom's sleeping pills
Wow, there's ten in the bottle
That should be enough to join you with
I'll go sneak a beer to wash'em down
Okay bro...here we go
Oh that tastes bad
Goodnight Mom. Goodnight Dad






[edit on 20-3-2009 by Excitable_Boy]

Mama, why did you do it?
Mama, who drove you to it?
was it the pigs in grey suits
persecuting you?
uncivil servants unconcerned at how they frighten you?
Life is nothing much to lose
it's just so lonely here without you
Mama, why did you do it?
Mama, who drove you to it?
spare priggish money-men who scared the life out of you
bailiffs with bad-breath
I will slit their throats for you
Life is nothing much to lose
it's just so lonely here
without you, Mama
Life is nothing much to lose
it's just so lonely here without you, so
we're gonna run to you
we're gonna come to you
we're gonna lie down
beside you, Mama
we're gonna be with you
we're gonna join you
we're gonna lie down
beside you, Mama
and we will be safe and sheltered in our graves
we'll come before you
and we will kiss you
by way of one final hug, Mama

- Morrissey

Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
And as I climb into an empty bed
Oh well. Enough said.
I know it's over - still I cling
I don't know where else I can go
Oh ...
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
See, the sea wants to take me
The knife wants to slit me
Do you think you can help me ?
Sad veiled bride, please be happy
Handsome groom, give her room
Loud, loutish lover, treat her kindly
(Though she needs you
More than she loves you)
And I know it's over - still I cling
I don't know where else I can go
Over and over and over and over
Over and over...
I know it's over
And it never really began
But in my heart it was so real
And you even spoke to me, and said :
"If you're so funny
Then why are you on your own tonight ?
And if you're so clever
Then why are you on your own tonight ?
If you're so very entertaining
Then why are you on your own tonight ?
If you're so very good-looking
Why do you sleep alone tonight ?
I know ...
'Cause tonight is just like any other night
That's why you're on your own tonight
With your triumphs and your charms
While they're in each other's arms..."
It's so easy to laugh
It's so easy to hate
It takes strength to be gentle and kind
Over, over, over, over
It's so easy to laugh
It's so easy to hate
It takes guts to be gentle and kind
Over, over
Love is Natural and Real
But not for you, my love
Not tonight, my love
Love is Natural and Real
But not for such as you and I, my love
Oh Mother, I can feel the soil falling over my head
Oh Mother...

- Morrissey

Bring on the silence
Because its nothing new
When we avoid discussion
And our opposing views

I'd rather you didn't speak
When all that you spew is hate
You did this to us can't you see?
And now it is too late

Go sleep in the spare room
Or take the couch, I don't care
Go sleep in the car, or on the front lawn
Perhaps you need the fresh air

I hate when you try to touch me
With the hands that touched another
Can't you see what you've done to me?
Can't you see what I've become?

The hate radiates from me
Whenever you are near
I wish I was somewhere else
I wish I wasn't here

Take your "freedom" and shove it
Because I'm done trying to save it
This bond we had, that is now long dead
Kind of like this shell that I am


- Carrot

Well...you're one to talk
All stressed out all the time
Ranting and raving about one thing
Or another

It's all about you you you
I don't give you what you want
Because what you want is my soul
My spirit

You're the miserable one
You're not going to break my spirit
Go hang out some place else
I care ?

But stay away next time
Next time just stay the course
Let's get that desert divorce
Of course

That wasn't very painful and I apologize. This is supposed to be about PAIN....and with that:


I dreamt last night
That I had two broken legs
I was sitting in a chair
In the middle of a room
And you were there

You were going on
About something
Something I didn't do
Or didn't do right
The floor was covered
Full of broken glass

The room was big
Like a function room
I had to get away from you
So I started crawling
Across the cut glass
I could hear "Blah blah blah"
As I crawled

I quickly started bleeding
The pain was excrutiating
But not as painful
As the sound of you
I kept crawling
I reached a doorway
And got out of the room

I bled out just outside
Just outside that room
You were still going on
About how much I suck
While I lay there dead
As I left my body
To go to that other place
I could still hear you

Then we were home
But you couldn't see me
You were upset
Because of the bills
They were piled high
Bank about to foreclose
I thought, "I'm sorry
Did I forget
To buy life insurance?"

A HA HA HA HA HA HA
Was all I said
As I left forever

I'm floating in the red water
With razor blades and vodka

I'm floating in the red water
With sins, fears and laughter

I'm floating in the red water
With Joy Division on the player

I'm sinking in the red water
With a mind sharp and sober

I'm sinking in the red water
With thoughts of the future

I'm sinking in the red water
With eagerness for the maker

I'm dead in the red water
With brother, father, mother






[edit on 27-3-2009 by Excitable_Boy]

Pain

Tough topic pain
Everyone handles pain different
All have different thresholds
Limits to what we can stand
Some have no limits
They will die rather than give in
Some can't handle any
When the going gets tough
They hang themselves from the clothes line
Jump off of buildings and bridges
Take an overdose of drugs
Slit their wrists or their jugular veins
Tough topic pain
Some have no limits
Like those POWs in Vietnam
The ones at the Hanoi Hilton
Some of them died being tortured
These men had unmatched depth of character
Physical and mental will power
Some are built different than others
The weak and the tough both die

- EB




[edit on 9-4-2009 by Excitable_Boy]

"No pain, no gain."

"What doesn't kill you . .makes you stronger."
I can't stand this place . .much longer.

Time to leave, I'm out the door,
I used to be . .pain poor. (Not anymore).
Now I'm rich with tons of pain,
Things can never be the same . .again. Let's swim.

Into the ocean of tortured souls,
Away to where lovers seldom go,
Oh wait . .we're not lovers anymore are we ? I can see . .that, . .I think.

So give me forty lashes, then give me forty more,
It's pain I'm seeking now I guess, . . really, . . nothing more.

They're stretching me on the rack . . . . . . . did something snap ?
Pain is good. Pain is weakness leaving my body. Pain is coping.
No more moping. I'm leaving it all behind. This pain . . it's divine.

Pain is what tells me I am alive
It keeps me sane,
Helps me survive.

Without the pain,
I would be complacent,
Feel I had nothing left to gain.

Doctors try to help me.
Give me good pills.
All they do is strengthen my plea.

I want to feel
But the pain is too much
I already know what it is to be real.

For all I have said about wanting the pain,
At my age I have had enough
It's embedded in my brain.

Physical pain is easier to heal
The rest is deeper
Bound tight with a seal.

Take what you want from this one life
Pain is one of the stronger
Helps us deal with the strife.

I cut and I bleed...I do this without screaming
Sometimes wide awake and dreaming

Life is full of pain...I have no control over this
I can control what I inflict on myself

Doctors don't help...They give you a few minutes
Then try to control you with their pills

Pills make me numb...No highs no lows no feeling
So I cut and yes indeed I do feel it

I've accepted pain...It comes with this insane life
Life shouldn't have to be this painful

The pain I create...Goes away in no time at all
Emotional pain never does go away

I've taken plenty...It doesn't help with anything
Maybe it shows me that life is death





[edit on 11-4-2009 by Excitable_Boy]