I am 21 years old, yet i feel i have lived to be 42. I have decided that i will now embark on the classic fight to save my self.
Lets get one thing clear, i am a liar, a thief, and a drug addict.
No blaming the apparent easy victim, my parents are great people. They love each other and love me more than i could express nor understand to its fullest amount.
I understand that life will hurt you time and time again until you understand and fix what needs to be remedied. For pain will cycle till your lesson is learned. I have cheated on that test, and now i must study.
My lack of understanding of how to go about this might seem immature but i assure you this is the most mature thing i have ever done.
I stare in the mirror hoping that person will tell me what to do. But as a mirror is a mirror, my reflection is as confused as i am.
"When i reach the pearly gates, this will be on my videotape."
I seek not to take my life, that is far to easy. Honestly, i do not think i deserve it nor could i leave that stain on every soul that it would infect.
So with out a way out, i will sit down.
Every soul on this earth seems to be going through the same, just a different color. I am sad that i am not alone.
My body tells me everything, i breathe to subside the need for oxygen. So i cry to subside the need for reform.
Do you feel that? That ring? That vibration that can't help but be felt? Shh.
That one. That is the pulse of salvation. Your chance, your always second chance. For if you feel that pulse, then hope will not subdue.
I think my soul never fixed what i am going to fix. I think that is why i am here again. I have no religion, i have no belief. I only hope. I only try.
"You never get the flowers while you can still smell them."
You didn't find this writing, this writing found you. That dark part of your self has given this to you. So that you will you know no one is exempt.
I am not a bad person, i have found a bad road.
In true male fashion, i have ignored the map and drove all night, except my sun never came back up, and the moon still went down.
But that does not mean i do not hate my self. I will continue to hate my self as long as i am this way. But i do love my soul.
My hands were given to me to reach, or hide my eyes and close my ears.
I will find morning again. It is going to hurt, not only me, but many many more.
The truth of my actions will only be wrapping. This present is paid forward.

I hope this writing will ring.
I love you for you.