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Daddy's Girl (poetic tear jerker)

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posted on Mar, 11 2009 @ 10:23 PM
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The year was 1892
twas a snowy winters day
she had so many things to do
she hadn't time to play
mom was sleeping soundly
it must stay that way
for she had a journey to make
today is daddy's birthday
she bundled up as best she could
and quietly stepped outside
careful not to make a peep
her mom would tan her hide
she headed down the snow covered road
to the trail she knew so well
tears filled her eyes as she thought of her dad
she had so much to tell
If only I had a gift she thought
but she new he wouldn't mind
just a visit would be enough
he daddy was loving and kind
her tiny hands were cold
and her feet were now so numb
but she had to keep going
look how far she'd come
She gazed ahead through the winter haze
wondering if she would get there
when she noticed ahead lying on the snow
a beautiful rose so rare
A rose without blemish
no thorns there to be found
it was as if an angel
had genlty laid it down
a present for daddy
she said thru her tears
twas the first she had given
in all of her few years
Clutching the gift
in her tiny cold hand
she pressed ever onward
to see her favorite man
she rounded the corner and topped the hill
here I am daddy
she cried with a shrill
she ran lovingly to him
oh my the love he gave
she got on her knees and brushed
the winters snow from atop his grave
she lay the flawless rose
on top of his headstone
and cried tears of sorrow
she wished he could come home
she layed down beside him
her heart broken right in two
she longed to see her daddy
she knew he missed her too
the cold was taking over
her eyes were heavy now
she thought she would feel better
if only she napped some how
her body was now so cold
the snow was now so deep
she closed her little eyes
and never again did she make a peep
her final breath fell frozen
as she left this hateful world
now with him forever
she will always be
daddy's girl...

[edit on 11-3-2009 by Greenize]




posted on Mar, 12 2009 @ 01:16 AM
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reply to post by Greenize
 


Excellent!

Oh my god, that brought tears to my eyes... very sad, but a wonderful piece of writing



- Carrot



posted on Mar, 12 2009 @ 06:25 PM
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reply to post by CA_Orot
 


Thank you! Its funny, i have worked on this piece in my mind for years and finally put it to paper...I am glad that you liked it!!



posted on Mar, 12 2009 @ 06:31 PM
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I think it goes a little overboard.
Into the realm of depression.



posted on Mar, 12 2009 @ 06:33 PM
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reply to post by CaptainCaveMan
 


If you had a parent that died when you were small, you wouldn't say that. As a child, I thought many times about joining my dead mother. Not saying this little girl planned this, but still. I think it's a wonderful poem and it did bring a tear to my eyes.

[edit on 12-3-2009 by virraszto]



posted on Mar, 12 2009 @ 06:35 PM
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off-topic post removed to prevent thread-drift


 



posted on Mar, 12 2009 @ 06:38 PM
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No need to jump down my throat. I just thought you were a little hard on the poster.



posted on Mar, 12 2009 @ 06:40 PM
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reply to post by CaptainCaveMan
 



What, exactly, is your problem with the poem? You ARE in the writing forum, you know, and while it is perfectly alright to critique a piece of work, it might be more helpful to explain in as sensitive a manner as you can muster.



posted on Mar, 12 2009 @ 06:40 PM
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off-topic post removed to prevent thread-drift


 



posted on Mar, 12 2009 @ 06:40 PM
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I thought it was beautiful. A tear jerker for sure, but as I get older I find many thoughts and beautiful things get me teary eyed.

Starred and flagged. Thanks for sharing.



posted on Mar, 12 2009 @ 06:44 PM
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I loved it! Being a daddy's little girl I could just imagine myself doing such a thing as a small child if I lost my dad in my youth. Really brought back those loving feelings. Thanks for sharing.



posted on Mar, 12 2009 @ 06:46 PM
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off-topic post removed to prevent thread-drift


 



posted on Mar, 12 2009 @ 06:46 PM
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reply to post by Greenize
 


I'm really glad you finally did put it to paper
I have a few things stuck in my head right now, that I've yet to get out on paper lol..

Seriously, I loved it.


- Carrot



posted on Mar, 12 2009 @ 09:33 PM
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I posted this last night, and I just got a call from one of my dearest friends, her daddy, who has been fine had a massive stroke today and they gave him 24 hours...my heart breaks for her!! None of knows how long we have, when the spark of our life will be put out...take the time to tell your family and friends that you love them while they are here!!

Thank you all for the great comments...it is depressing as caveman said, but then again death always is.... Carrot I look forward to reading more of your work!! Bless you all!



posted on Mar, 12 2009 @ 09:52 PM
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Originally posted by Greenize
I posted this last night, and I just got a call from one of my dearest friends, her daddy, who has been fine had a massive stroke today and they gave him 24 hours...my heart breaks for her!!


OH dear! My heart hurts for her as well, I haven't lost a parent - and I don't know what will happen to me when I do....
It's a very sad reality that we all face - but I pray that her father does a complete turn around.



Carrot I look forward to reading more of your work!!


You too dear! Everything of yours that I've read so far - I have liked! Keep it up!



- Carrot



posted on Mar, 13 2009 @ 10:26 PM
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Wow. Impressive, beautiful and full of meaning.


I really enjoy seeing a fellow poet on ATS.
Poetry is the very rhyme and music of beauty!

Your poem moved me.

I got a bunch of poems. Some day I'll muster the will to put some up.
In the meantime I look forward to reading through your work of words.



posted on Mar, 19 2009 @ 09:34 AM
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Very well done Greenize.
It brought tears to my eyes too. It was joyful & sad and very thought provoking. Children have an imagination that doesn't always fit with an adults. I would of wanted to join my daddy if he had left me to soon. Keep up the good writing.



posted on May, 7 2009 @ 07:34 AM
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nice poem. thanks a lot.. while reading it i was thinkin about my father, thou hes still alive but i feel like he's dead for years.. i missed him so much...

...



posted on May, 7 2009 @ 07:48 AM
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What a beautiful poem - well done!!

Somedays I wish I could be with my dad too, specially days when I become overwhelmed with the harsh reality of life.... when I need his advice... or just a "it's going to be okay". Love you dad!!



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