I'm going to describe as much as i can about what is
happening on my life on this thread, i hope this can be
used as a sorts of a dreams/experiences/really-don't-get-it diary, not
only by me, but by those who happen to have similar or related
dreams/experiences/really-don't-get-it to the ones i will be describing
here. but first, a little introduction to what all this thread is all about:
I can't sleep, i've been unable to sleep since about
8 or 9 months ago, i sleep about 2 or 3 hours at
most, i don't get tired, i can spend all night up
and then on the morning i feel ok, go about my usual
affairs, sometimes i sleep, but seems to be more
because i feel nostalgic about dreaming, than because
i really need it. i feel peaceful, happy most of
the time, but this is not entirely true, there are
several things that worry me, several things that
destroy that happines, and i feel them as something
that is coming from the exterior, i don't feel it
inside me, like when you feel sad or depressed, you
know that feeling very well, it comes from inside
you, it eats your happines from within, but this is
not like that at all, this comes from the outside.
I can feel something very wrong happening right
now, on earth or everywhere, really couldn't
say, there are times i am very sensible, i listen
to the earth, the air, the people's feelings, there
are times that my mind 'opens'(lately, it happens
every other night), and then chaos invades my
soul, so to speak, i can feel a lot of chaos, there's
definitely something very wrong right now, and i
don't think i am the only one who can feel this, i
think there are thousand of people who know exactly
what i am talking about, and this is not the first
time i have sensed it, there have been other
times, not all of them related to physical events
happening on this world, but some of them did happen
at the same time or very close to events that changed
our reality somehow.
The reason i can't sleep is this, once i get to
sleep, i will be able to 'see', and although
sometimes i can take it and understand, other
times, it is overwhelming, i can't cope with it,
i just don't feel that strong yet, so i have to
avoid seeing, sometimes, after i have posted
some of my experiences and/or dreams, you will
understand what i mean by 'see', but pretty much
it is something like this, when i close my eyes, all
the usual descriptions of what people
describes as astral travel or whatever they call
it, all those things happen to me, very easy, so
much easy that sometimes i don't even realize it
until 'its too late'
which means, i don't control
it, it just happens, always.
I can tell you what has happened with me, i use to
be able to see and understand, and i was strong enough
to deal with it, no matter what was and no matter what
i use to feel at those moments, but i rejected it, i
forced myself to live an ordinary life, rejecting all
those visions, images, feelings, whatever, i got tired
of it all, really tired, i screamed to the earth and
the heaven, i screamed to all those entities i could
feel on the streets, on my house, on my friends
houses, i yelled at them to leave me alone, and then
i went and lived a 'normal', peaceful life.
I went to the movies, to the country side a lot, tasted
and enjoyed each and every drink out there, smoked,
practiced alternative sports and other not that
alternative, got into accidents, almost died one or two
times, read a thousand books, forgot about the spiritual
world, learned to talk to people as if i was the same, no
paranormal stuff, no spiritual anything, nothing, just a
plain, simple, boring, regular life, as boring and plain
as anyone you can meet on the street, with regular things
to worry, pay the rent, buy some shoes, pay bills, gotta
left some money for fun and gas, buy some food if there's
some more money left, gotta send some money home, etc etc.
And then, after about 5 or 6 years of having fun living a
normal life, it has come back, on its own, now i can't
get out of it, or to put it other way, it has gotten
back, and i can't turn it off, no matter what i do, it
just doesn't turn off, i can feel it, always, no matter
what i am doing, i can feel this coming way too strong
and overwhelming, over me and over everyone i can feel near me.
Now the thing is, somehow i have remembered something i
wasn't supposed to have forgotten in the first place, and
now that i'm awake, i am not as strong as i should be to
handle all of these things, seems like i messed up on the
way, lost on the ordinary life without any real worries and just
having fun and not caring about the rest of the world.
Time seems to be running out, for something, somewhere, that
seem will be happening soon, and the worst thing is, i don't
have a clue where, when, and what i have to do, if anything
at all, or what someone else has to do, or we all together,
really, i don't have a single little tiny bit of a clue on what to
do about all this, and that's funny because i feel and share
the worry with some other people, but we all seem to be on
the same spot, totally on the dark and without any clue on
how to turn on the light.