reply to post by Ellipsis
Ive seen your posts before on BTS.
A look at your list in the OP, I am surmising that your list is a list of your insecurities. THey are all lists about you and what you expect and
believe about how a relationship should be. They are a list of "YOUR" expectations and beliefs. In short they are a list of your default settings
to play through unquestioned and unaccountable. I have seen a list like this so many times on the relationship posts on BTS.
Because of the lack of results in response to your insecurities/sensitivities you are going into withdrawal.
Has it ever occured to you to look closely at what are a man'securities? That for which he has concerns. Or is it the natural default setting that
his values, beliefs, default settings, should be yours?? A substitution of values if you like?? Your values and thinking for his.
It is quite obvious that by your list..that you two are two..not one flesh.
Why is this? No where in your post do I see any mention of this concept. Typical of today's self justification ...I see only one side. Why is this.
Also why do you not have the acumen to think this through for yourself in lieu of the self justification you are wont to post here??
All you mention are your value systems...your beliefs. Thus indicating that somewhere a substitution has taken place. We two are no longer one..but
are two and based on the new paradigm or template of "My insecurities." " "My values" "My thinking."
It appears to me that both of you are playing the insecurities game or strategy..but none of you seems to be able to think this through and it feeds
I hope you have enough acumen to understand that a woman who is perceptive and understanding about a man's insecurities can put a man on a drug. A
drug on which he never wants to get off, never wants to be free of this drug. Do you know any women who can do this to man?? Do you know any women
who even have an inkling of now powerful such a drug can indeed become over a man?? Or do you know women who's thinking is mostly about how she can
get him to come around to her thinking, her values, her expectations and beliefs?? Her religion if you like. This..without any considerations and
thinkings about his insecurities in and about the process of such substitution.
I bring such a concept and thinking to light ..children or no children. Do you know any women who understand this concept? Or do you know mostly women
whos thinking and values are automatically supposed to be substituted for a mans thinking and value system. With him out there having no safety net
under him for his security/insecurities.
I can assurre you Ellipsis..that when a man begins to figure this out...the cost of his value system substitution for this new value system of hers
becomes very high. Most of the men I know soon and quickly cease becoming enamoured of their women, family, and time with them. The women become
bitter without being able to think it through or connect the dots. The men as well...soon find substitutes. The gods of sports. Cheerleaders. Sports
illustrated swimsuit edition et al.
One of the symptoms is that a man finds more solace and comfort at work or out in the garage than with her. Do you know this symptom? It is a symptom
of rising costs. A symptom of rising costs to him without any solace or comfort for his insecurities or concerns.
In short ..he withdraws because he senses that there is no one to assuage his real insecurities and concerns. No one to help him with his burdens in
lieu of his liabilities. He is out there alone when the rubber meets the road with only rising expectations for him. New and more important needs and
beleifs to take on for others. No safety net for him.
So Ellipsis...what safety net are you providing for him in lieu of the needs and insecurities on your list? As a matter of fact..I see no concerns of
his on your list ..only self justifications and self rationalisms. What about him....what safety net are you providing for him??
You do know what I mean Ellipsis...dont you?? "The Good Provider?"
Did you think this is only a one way street? It only works one way??
Do I need to take a lie detector test or a DNA test on this one??
I also note that none of the other posters seem to be capable of posting this kind of thinking in lieu...of "You deserve it the others dont" type of
What are you doing to comfort him and relieve him of his insecurities Ellipsis?? What safety net are you putting under him to get him to come back to
you like a drug. Like a man who needs his next fix.
I will give you a clue here Ellipsis...sex and beauty thinking/values are not it!!
Think it through Ellipsis. By your posts I think it is not in your tool box or thinking. Nor is it in the thinking/tool box of many of the posters on
threads like this one.
Hope this helps,
[edit on 28-2-2009 by orangetom1999]