Dose thinking about wanting a child really stop making it a reality?, page 1

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Topic started on 23-2-2009 @ 10:40 AM by deathpoet69

Since I was 12, I have always been told by my grandma and father that I have to create offspring because there are no other surviving members from my dads side,my grandma came from Ireland with 6 other siblings, 3 of them have successfully created offspring, there is me and a few other cousins, however, I have had it drilled in to me that i have to make kids to continue the family on.

Since this pressure is on me I can not stop thinking about having a child, mostly everyday I talk about it, for some reason over the years I have not been able to conceive a child yet, I have not wore protection either, I ask a lot of people and all they say is "it will come when its your time" "god will give you it when its time" or "just don't think about it and it will happen" well, I think that is rather a bit silly, now on the medical grounds its either me or its the women, since its been with about 3 women I tried however not a regular basis i think its me and i want to get a test.
I want a child alot and i know their is many in the world who have diffculty conceiving however i just do not know what is up with me or if there is anything up with me, i just find it frustrating how some others can so easily conceive and others can not,
I also put the pressure on my partners to have a child which can course conflict as well, so, the question remains, dose thinking about wanting a child really effect you having a child and if you do not think about it at all, then you will have a child, is that really how it works?

[edit on 23-2-2009 by deathpoet69]

reply posted on 23-2-2009 @ 11:19 AM by quitebored

Yes, and no. I suspect, based largely on anecdotal evidence, that putting the body under any kind of stress (such as the pressure to reproduce) could make reproduction less likely, as part of the body's basic response to anxiety.

That makes sense as a biochemical response to difficult times; kind of a built in birth control until the "time is right."

There's also the psychological side of this, which is like that old cliche about a watched pot never boiling. It does, in fact, boil, it just seems to take longer from the watcher's perspective because they're focused on it.

Also, please make sure you're getting the right vitamins for a pregnancy--folic acid in particular. I know, you probably know that already, but I honestly can't help myself.

reply posted on 23-2-2009 @ 11:21 AM by deathpoet69

Originally posted by quitebored

Yes, and no. I suspect, based largely on anecdotal evidence, that putting the body under any kind of stress (such as the pressure to reproduce) could make reproduction less likely, as part of the body's basic response to anxiety.

That makes sense as a biochemical response to difficult times; kind of a built in birth control until the "time is right."

There's also the psychological side of this, which is like that old cliche about a watched pot never boiling. It does, in fact, boil, it just seems to take longer from the watcher's perspective because they're focused on it.

Also, please make sure you're getting the right vitamins for a pregnancy--folic acid in particular. I know, you probably know that already, but I honestly can't help myself.

just so you know i am male, so now i need to work that extra harder while druggies can make babies perfectly? so how do i stop thinking about this all the time? what do i need to do, any advice

reply posted on 23-2-2009 @ 11:26 AM by Wertdagf

Carrying on your genes is worthless in this pig stye we have. I hope you can understand that you may never get a child. Its a pity you have such ignorant people around you. I hope you can make it.

reply posted on 23-2-2009 @ 11:28 AM by skeptic1

reply to post by deathpoet69

Well, stressing about isn't going to help, that's for sure.

And, these 3 women that you've "tried" with....were these long term relationships?

You don't need to have children until you can:

1. Provide for them financially and emotionally
2. Are in a stable relationship that makes both you and your partner happy

Obsessing over having a child isn't going to make it easier to actually create one. Do you really want kids or do you want kids because other people want you to have kids??

reply posted on 23-2-2009 @ 11:28 AM by quitebored

Originally posted by deathpoet69
just so you know i am male, so now i need to work that extra harder while druggies can make babies perfectly? so how do i stop thinking about this all the time? what do i need to do, any advice

Oh! My apologies, I shouldn't have assumed gender. Folic acid for females, I'm not sure what vitamins are most important for a male, and also not certain how stress might affect your system.

Not saying you need to work harder--opposite of, in fact--I think relaxing might be the key. The druggies usually aren't thinking about it, after all. It's stress on the body that might make the process harder, or at least might make it seem to be harder, like with the watched pot that never boils.

reply posted on 23-2-2009 @ 11:35 AM by deathpoet69

Originally posted by skeptic1
reply to post by deathpoet69

Well, stressing about isn't going to help, that's for sure.

And, these 3 women that you've "tried" with....were these long term relationships?

You don't need to have children until you can:

1. Provide for them financially and emotionally
2. Are in a stable relationship that makes both you and your partner happy

Obsessing over having a child isn't going to make it easier to actually create one. Do you really want kids or do you want kids because other people want you to have kids??

Iwant a child because I want to carry on the family, I don't think I want a child myself as a loving thing to have with my partner, I think I want it more to carry on the genes, although I do like the thought of having a child to love.

I was in a 2 year relationship and she was a bit over weight, I have been with this one I am with now currently for nearly 2 years as well however she is overweight as well however is now losing it but I am putting the pressure on so that I can have children but I do think I need to relax but I don't know how to relax to stop thinking about it, I don’t want to think about it anymore because its doing my head in but I don't know how to get it out of my head.
To your question,
1. No I am not finically stable but some families are not in the first place.
2. Yes long term relationship, going to be married September

[edit on 23-2-2009 by deathpoet69]

reply posted on 23-2-2009 @ 11:42 AM by Wertdagf

reply to post by deathpoet69

having a child isnt about "you". We have such horrible ignorant parents in this world. So many people throw themselves into the position of raising a child when they were pathetic and worthless as a parent.

reply posted on 23-2-2009 @ 11:46 AM by skeptic1

reply to post by deathpoet69

I know that some are never financially able to provide for a child, but that is a big issue. The emotional part is more important, but being able to provide a child with the material things it needs is up there on the list.

This is just my opinion, so don't take this as an insult. Wanting a child to carry on the family line isn't enough of a reason to produce a child. Why don't you wait until you and your future wife are married for a few years and reevaluate the situation? You two can settle into your life together, enjoy it, and see if children fit into the equation. Who knows?? In 3 or 4 years, both of you might get to the place where you want a child because YOU want a child.....not because others want you to carry on the family gene pool.

You are young, right? Waiting a little while won't hurt and it might take some of the pressure you are feeling down a notch or two. Creating a child shouldn't be a stressful, pressure filled event. It should happen because it is something you and your partner want.

reply posted on 23-2-2009 @ 11:49 AM by deathpoet69

Originally posted by skeptic1
reply to post by deathpoet69

I know that some are never financially able to provide for a child, but that is a big issue. The emotional part is more important, but being able to provide a child with the material things it needs is up there on the list.

This is just my opinion, so don't take this as an insult. Wanting a child to carry on the family line isn't enough of a reason to produce a child. Why don't you wait until you and your future wife are married for a few years and reevaluate the situation? You two can settle into your life together, enjoy it, and see if children fit into the equation. Who knows?? In 3 or 4 years, both of you might get to the place where you want a child because YOU want a child.....not because others want you to carry on the family gene pool.

You are young, right? Waiting a little while won't hurt and it might take some of the pressure you are feeling down a notch or two. Creating a child shouldn't be a stressful, pressure filled event. It should happen because it is something you and your partner want.

thats true, my partner wants one because she wants to have that with me as a loving addition, so maybe i do need to reevalute exactly if i want a child and if i don't then ill leave it be if it happens then it happens but i need to totally get it out of my mind, i know this should not be about me and its probably been selfish, i don't think ad like to give loads of stuff to the child to be honest, although i would do my best i would probably leave it up to the wife which is not a good thing, my attiude is qutie messy in regards to having a child.

reply posted on 23-2-2009 @ 11:57 AM by skeptic1

reply to post by deathpoet69

You do sound a bit conflicted about the whole situation.

Focus on other things for a while....your relationship, the upcoming wedding, your schooling/career/whatever, building a solid foundation for your life.

Having babies on the brain all the time isn't conducive to much of anything.

If it happens, it happens. If it happens, it was meant to happen. Just abandon the idea for a while and see if you ever get to the point where you want children for the right reasons and not because other people want you to have kids.

reply posted on 23-2-2009 @ 12:11 PM by deathpoet69

Originally posted by skeptic1
reply to post by deathpoet69

You do sound a bit conflicted about the whole situation.

Focus on other things for a while....your relationship, the upcoming wedding, your schooling/career/whatever, building a solid foundation for your life.

Having babies on the brain all the time isn't conducive to much of anything.

If it happens, it happens. If it happens, it was meant to happen. Just abandon the idea for a while and see if you ever get to the point where you want children for the right reasons and not because other people want you to have kids.

but how do i get it out of my head though?

reply posted on 23-2-2009 @ 12:15 PM by skeptic1

reply to post by deathpoet69

Is there nothing else in your life to focus on, to pay attention to, to put your time and efforts into?

reply posted on 23-2-2009 @ 12:18 PM by deathpoet69

Originally posted by skeptic1
reply to post by deathpoet69

Is there nothing else in your life to focus on, to pay attention to, to put your time and efforts into?

not at the moment no, maybe thats the problem, i am going to get my course studying sorted and join a matrial arts class

reply posted on 23-2-2009 @ 12:39 PM by skeptic1

reply to post by deathpoet69

Get going on something else that interests you and takes up your time and brain-power. School will challenge your mind and a hoppy like martial arts will be a good stress reliever.

That will at least take up some of the room in your mind where baby thoughts are currently crowding it.

reply posted on 24-3-2009 @ 05:09 PM by feoil

Originally posted by deathpoet69

Originally posted by skeptic1
reply to post by deathpoet69

Well, stressing about isn't going to help, that's for sure.

And, these 3 women that you've "tried" with....were these long term relationships?

You don't need to have children until you can:

1. Provide for them financially and emotionally
2. Are in a stable relationship that makes both you and your partner happy

Obsessing over having a child isn't going to make it easier to actually create one. Do you really want kids or do you want kids because other people want you to have kids??

Iwant a child because I want to carry on the family, I don't think I want a child myself as a loving thing to have with my partner, I think I want it more to carry on the genes, although I do like the thought of having a child to love.

I was in a 2 year relationship and she was a bit over weight, I have been with this one I am with now currently for nearly 2 years as well however she is overweight as well however is now losing it but I am putting the pressure on so that I can have children but I do think I need to relax but I don't know how to relax to stop thinking about it, I don’t want to think about it anymore because its doing my head in but I don't know how to get it out of my head.
To your question,
1. No I am not finically stable but some families are not in the first place.
2. Yes long term relationship, going to be married September

[edit on 23-2-2009 by deathpoet69]

Dude!!!, you can't be calling the missus fat!! That's not gonna make her feel sexy and the conception of children requires people to feel sexy!. My advise to you is, lash on some Barry White and get in there and ENJOY the physical side of things to the limit. The pitter patter of expense will surley follow.
On the financial side of things?, yeah money is good, but not essential. All kids really need is love and hugs and to feel wanted. I can tell you from expierience that the money will be found somewhere somehow.
My best wishes to you and your fiancee. Remeber the best way to improve the world is to make better people and that starts in the cradle. Go forth and create an army of deathpoets!!!!!

[edit on 24/3/09 by feoil]

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