The Leper (Poem), page 1

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Topic started on 10-2-2009 @ 03:06 AM by grimreaper797

Carried by the winds of despair
I fade into the oblivion of time
Forgotten as I am broken
By the ones I thought would care

A void in the depths of my mind
A black hole in the heart of my soul
A canyon where all is lost
Memories I do not rewind

Love is beyond my grasp
Like the rest of the world to me
Ugly I am the leper
I cannot remove this mask

Broken pieces of a time glass
Haunt me with a secret message
A never ending prophecy
Of failures I cannot pass

reply posted on 10-2-2009 @ 03:23 AM by prevenge

try suffering with morgellons.

THEN re-assess your "suffering".

are you healthy? do you have friends and family that love you?

go enjoy them!

many people have life a billion times worse than you.
quit writing self-pitying over exxaggerated goth-kid crap.

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reply posted on 10-2-2009 @ 05:22 AM by grimreaper797

Originally posted by prevenge
try suffering with morgellons.

A psychological disorder?

THEN re-assess your "suffering".

are you healthy? do you have friends and family that love you?

go enjoy them!

many people have life a billion times worse than you.
quit writing self-pitying over exxaggerated goth-kid crap.

Nothing better than a person who goes on the internet and assumes stuff about a persons life.

I'd tell you about my "suffering" but you are too much of a presumptuous ass to even take the time.

[edit on 10-2-2009 by grimreaper797]

reply posted on 10-2-2009 @ 05:51 AM by 44soulslayer

reply to post by grimreaper797

Interesting... rather dark and forbidding. What was your muse?

Your rhyme scheme is cool! I'm incapable of not using iambic pentameter, I would probably have written something like:

On winds of despair
I fade into time,
Forgotten and broken
For light doesn't shine.

reply posted on 10-2-2009 @ 06:00 AM by AccessDenied

grim..loved it.
if i could put my feelings to words today..your poem would be perfectly matched.

reply posted on 10-2-2009 @ 06:12 AM by masqua

reply to post by prevenge

quit writing self-pitying over exxaggerated goth-kid crap

?

If you wish to criticize the poem in order to make it better, then comments are welcome.

If you wish to criticize the poet, then they are not, since this is a WRITING FORUM and not a psychiatric couch.

Please comment on the topic and not the poster.

sp. edit

[edit on 10/2/09 by masqua]

reply posted on 10-2-2009 @ 06:46 AM by socrates271

reply to post by grimreaper797

I don't read so much poetry, but this is awesome.

reply posted on 10-2-2009 @ 06:47 AM by grimreaper797

reply to post by 44soulslayer

There really isn't any specific drive when I write. Its a collection of everything before me in a certain perspective put into words.

As far as the rhyme scheme, I dont usually put much effort into making it rhyme, I just more or less experiment with it. change the pace and see how it comes out.

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