posted on Mar, 12 2009 @ 06:45 PM
Communication, communication and communication.
I would say because "nice" guys are generally quiet and do not step forward to introduce themselves. Many nice guys are shy (not all), which makes
it hard for women to notice that they ARE true nice guys and not doormats.
Bad guy? I would guess are outgoing and step forward to start a conversation. Women, as well as men like people who are assertive (not aggressive)
and who have self confidence.
I would say, step up, introduce yourself, ask questions about the woman you are interested in and let her know what you are interested in.
Being that you said you don't have problems "starting" a relationship but with keeping a relationship going, I guess I would ask are you the same
person 3 months into the relationship as you were the first few weeks?
Unfortunately, many "nice" guys, end up in the long run, being passive aggressive type personalities, and I can guarantee women and men dislike
people who are passive aggressive.
_Phoenix_ stated it pretty good, not all "nice" guys are really nice, and not all "bad" guys are really bad.
For me, I love it when my husband shows an interest in what I have done, or how I feel, or what I think by asking me questions and being conscious of
Also, when he comes home from work I ask him "how was your day" and listen to his "hour long drone" lol, about his day at work. Sometimes he
get's really technical, which can put me off, but as I do care, I try to be a good listener by showing interest and asking questions. Because I
really am interested in "him".
We also try to set time aside each week just for us to talk and share with each other.
Sorry Alxandro, I don't like a--holes, never have, never will. I grew up in a family of a--holes, and went the opposite route to find a nice guy.
Obliv_au, you made my skin kinda crawl, as you used many of the words that I learned to run from as a kid. Relationships should not be about who wins
and looses a conflict or about control (except self control), but about working together in a relationship. Give and take and working out differences
together, not "getting a one up" on the other. I suggest you look into verbally abusive relationships, and see just where you might fit.
Gazrok, women do think about sex a lot, maybe not as often as men, but even married women think about sex. The difference is, once we have children,
we are working, taking care of a home and taking care of the children, at the end of the day we are exhausted, and have no spare moment of thinking
about sex or even the energy. Men go to work, come home and ask about dinner and sex, in that order, ignoring the fact that their wife has just spent
a long day working, and is now trying to take care of the children while cooking dinner and cleaning house. We only have so many hours in the day you
I remember when my husband and I had our first child, we both had full time careers, but when we would get home, my husband would hang out on his
computer, while my day continued with making dinner, cleaning the house and taking care of our child. Before we had children, we did not have an
issue, I did not care that when we came home from work he would hang out at his computer while I cooked and picked up the house. But, after our first
child, by the time I hit the bed, I was terribly exhausted and just wanted to get some sleep before our baby woke up for her 2am feeding. I remember
how my husband would get really frustrated when I would say "no" to sex or mostly just fall sound asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. We
finally had to have a big discussion and make some choices about our life style and how we wanted to move forward. We were able to work things out,
(Obliv_au, give and take here) for example, while I was cooking dinner, my husband did laundry. Our sex life improved back to pre-baby era. As a
side note, my husband and I dated for six years, and were married for two before we had our first child.
Always "keep it real", don't hide what you feel or think, but don't be an a--hole about it either, if something bothers you then say so, don't be
passive aggressive about it. The same for if you do like something, then mention it and say "thank you". Please and Thank You go a really long
way, just because you are in a relationship, does not mean that being polite is no longer necessary.
I always find it kind of strange how we can end up treating those we care about with less respect than we do strangers. At the grocery store, we will
say thank you to the clerk who assists us with our groceries, but not to our husband or wife when they help us carry in the groceries when we get
home. I guess it is becoming "familiar" and "comfortable" with those we love, and just "ASSume" they know that we are thankful.
I think we have to remember to forgive those we love as well, and remember that we are ALL human and make mistakes and deserve forgiveness when we are
truly sorry and are making changes.
Hope I did not do any derailing.
Oh yes, and spice it up, especially if you are in a long term relationship. Set up "dates" etc., dress up really nice and cook a romantic dinner
(after getting a baby sitter). If your wife/girlfriend loves long hot bathes, set up a bath with candles and music for her. If your
husband/boyfriend loves "Rambo" movies, set up a "Rambo" night.
Edit to add I have never been a woman who "talks it up" with my girlfriends. Sorry to burst your bubble about that one guys. Not "all" women fit
into this category, just as not "all" men fit into that category.
[edit on 12-3-2009 by amazed]