Why do nice guys finish last?

What we're thinking? That's simple.

Woman: OMG so my girlfriend and I went shopping for purses the other day and blah blah blah blah blah...

Man: *with glazed over look in his eyes nodding head in agreement thinking to himself*

"When is she gonna stop talking and start getting naked?"

There's your answer hahaha!



[edit on 3/7/2009 by thehumbleone]

reply to post by misswanderer31


nothing wrong with being picky i know i will be with the woman i settle down with... eventually..but till then its fun to keep looking

reply to post by thehumbleone


laughing my a$$ off. thats exactly how it is.

reply to post by thehumbleone


not all women think or talk of shopping... yes I know, but it's true...

Sometimes we think 'I wish he would just take off his shirt'

MW31

Originally posted by misswanderer31
reply to post by thehumbleone

 

not all women think or talk of shopping... yes I know, but it's true...

Sometimes we think 'I wish he would just take off his shirt'

MW31

When they tell me to take off my shirt, it scares me lol. It's happened a few times lol, and it's not a date haha.

Originally posted by pikypiky
Why do nice guys finish last?

It's because this world is designed to weed out the weaker ones, where survival of the fittest requires that the meaner guys will obtain more procreate rights and bring forth children who are also aggressive. At least, this is what I think.

So nice guys are weak?

reply to post by _Phoenix_


hmmm well my point was that not always do women think of shopping... I got the feeling that that is what guys think we think about all the time, mundane things...

you'd be surprised at how often women do think of sex.

As for taking your shirt off.. well.. I'm sure they had a good time

MW31

Originally posted by misswanderer31
reply to post by _Phoenix_

 

hmmm well my point was that not always do women think of shopping... I got the feeling that that is what guys think we think about all the time, mundane things...

you'd be surprised at how often women do think of sex.

As for taking your shirt off.. well.. I'm sure they had a good time

MW31

LOL I did not take off my shirt for them, I'm not some slut haha.

Trust me I know girls talk about sex, actually I've been in situations where they talk MORE than men, and when I say more, I mean WAY more detailed, things I DO NOT want to hear at the time lol.

For example I was with a few friends one guy two girls in Pizza Hut, and the two girls start talking about sex with their boyfriends while I'm trying to eat, asking each other questions very personal questions "do you swallow" blah blah, lool

What they say is true, some girls will talk about every detail of their love life with their friends, so to the guys out there be careful! if you do bad in bed, her friends will know! If you do good, then you will have a problem with her "flirty" friends!



[edit on 7-3-2009 by _Phoenix_]

Originally posted by _Phoenix_
reply to post by _Phoenix_

LOL I did not take off my shirt for them, I'm not some slut haha.

oops my bad... hehe

the poor girls...

MW31

reply to post by _Phoenix_


yeah your spot on with that remark about women talking in detail about sex with their female friends.

you'd be surprised at how often women do think of sex.

I'll have to call BS on that...unless there's alchohol involved...and even then, it's only when we're not around...(if the woman's married that is)...


Single gals? Maybe...but married gals seem to consider the game is won and stop playing for the most part (except on rare occassions when in the mood)...and we're like this: :bnghd:

Communication, communication and communication.

I would say because "nice" guys are generally quiet and do not step forward to introduce themselves. Many nice guys are shy (not all), which makes it hard for women to notice that they ARE true nice guys and not doormats.

Bad guy? I would guess are outgoing and step forward to start a conversation. Women, as well as men like people who are assertive (not aggressive) and who have self confidence.

I would say, step up, introduce yourself, ask questions about the woman you are interested in and let her know what you are interested in.

Being that you said you don't have problems "starting" a relationship but with keeping a relationship going, I guess I would ask are you the same person 3 months into the relationship as you were the first few weeks?

Unfortunately, many "nice" guys, end up in the long run, being passive aggressive type personalities, and I can guarantee women and men dislike people who are passive aggressive.

_Phoenix_ stated it pretty good, not all "nice" guys are really nice, and not all "bad" guys are really bad.

For me, I love it when my husband shows an interest in what I have done, or how I feel, or what I think by asking me questions and being conscious of our interactions.

Also, when he comes home from work I ask him "how was your day" and listen to his "hour long drone" lol, about his day at work. Sometimes he get's really technical, which can put me off, but as I do care, I try to be a good listener by showing interest and asking questions. Because I really am interested in "him".

We also try to set time aside each week just for us to talk and share with each other.

Sorry Alxandro, I don't like a--holes, never have, never will. I grew up in a family of a--holes, and went the opposite route to find a nice guy.

Obliv_au, you made my skin kinda crawl, as you used many of the words that I learned to run from as a kid. Relationships should not be about who wins and looses a conflict or about control (except self control), but about working together in a relationship. Give and take and working out differences together, not "getting a one up" on the other. I suggest you look into verbally abusive relationships, and see just where you might fit.

Gazrok, women do think about sex a lot, maybe not as often as men, but even married women think about sex. The difference is, once we have children, we are working, taking care of a home and taking care of the children, at the end of the day we are exhausted, and have no spare moment of thinking about sex or even the energy. Men go to work, come home and ask about dinner and sex, in that order, ignoring the fact that their wife has just spent a long day working, and is now trying to take care of the children while cooking dinner and cleaning house. We only have so many hours in the day you know.

I remember when my husband and I had our first child, we both had full time careers, but when we would get home, my husband would hang out on his computer, while my day continued with making dinner, cleaning the house and taking care of our child. Before we had children, we did not have an issue, I did not care that when we came home from work he would hang out at his computer while I cooked and picked up the house. But, after our first child, by the time I hit the bed, I was terribly exhausted and just wanted to get some sleep before our baby woke up for her 2am feeding. I remember how my husband would get really frustrated when I would say "no" to sex or mostly just fall sound asleep as soon as my head hit the pillow. We finally had to have a big discussion and make some choices about our life style and how we wanted to move forward. We were able to work things out, (Obliv_au, give and take here) for example, while I was cooking dinner, my husband did laundry. Our sex life improved back to pre-baby era. As a side note, my husband and I dated for six years, and were married for two before we had our first child.

Always "keep it real", don't hide what you feel or think, but don't be an a--hole about it either, if something bothers you then say so, don't be passive aggressive about it. The same for if you do like something, then mention it and say "thank you". Please and Thank You go a really long way, just because you are in a relationship, does not mean that being polite is no longer necessary.

I always find it kind of strange how we can end up treating those we care about with less respect than we do strangers. At the grocery store, we will say thank you to the clerk who assists us with our groceries, but not to our husband or wife when they help us carry in the groceries when we get home. I guess it is becoming "familiar" and "comfortable" with those we love, and just "ASSume" they know that we are thankful.

I think we have to remember to forgive those we love as well, and remember that we are ALL human and make mistakes and deserve forgiveness when we are truly sorry and are making changes.

Hope I did not do any derailing.

Oh yes, and spice it up, especially if you are in a long term relationship. Set up "dates" etc., dress up really nice and cook a romantic dinner (after getting a baby sitter). If your wife/girlfriend loves long hot bathes, set up a bath with candles and music for her. If your husband/boyfriend loves "Rambo" movies, set up a "Rambo" night.

Peace

Edit to add I have never been a woman who "talks it up" with my girlfriends. Sorry to burst your bubble about that one guys. Not "all" women fit into this category, just as not "all" men fit into that category.

[edit on 12-3-2009 by amazed]

reply to post by amazed


I really enjoyed reading your post. Thanks for sharing your experience and comments. I absolutely agree that communication is the key to any good relationship...

Star for you!

MW31

Originally posted by XTexan
I'm not hating on women or anything, nor am I saying that all guys are saints or anything to that

Man, I love that gun as your icon, what kind of gun is that anyway?

You know what is even more rare than real nice guys, loving women who like violence, guns, and drama. And those that do, well, great in the sack, not the best for long term partners as long as they like men who portray that, since it is never escalating.

So first think, am I really a nice guy? Secondly, what kind of imagery am I putting out into the world in the choice of clothes, or icons on my profiles, and does it reflect the way I wish to portray myself, and does it attract the energies I wish to have.

Everything is choice.



[edit on 25-3-2009 by SoulOrb]

reply to post by SoulOrb


It's a DPMS .308, and it shoots like a dream...

To be honest, down here where I'm at its not rare to find a woman that doesn't care if you go to the gun range... Ones that do care a kinda rare.

As far as portraying violence and drama, thats not really my thing. If thats how you interpret it then I'm sad to hear that...

I dress respectfully, my only other "profile" has a picture of me as the icon...

I appreciate the response, but I think your judging a book by its cover...

not all nice gise are weak,there are nice guis who have self esteem,who DONT need girls.they found the key : D
for example the other day i talkd to two girls about home aquariums and fishes.
i enjoyed it,most of the guis wont talk about this.there are some nice fishies and its cool to find someone to talka bout it.
its just taht whenever u be a friend to a girl..without thinking about sex with her..THAT IS POSSIBLE :O even if shes hot!
she will see the true deep self and start falling in love..which is rather ..WTF do you want women?
yet if you be nice for her tolike you..u will be just a friend to her.
the key is be yourself..and most imporant..dont give a damn
flirt if you want,nothing wrong,dont be weak,dont be in a need
show your strong,everyone wants the best for them
some girls may like one boy for stupid reasons,but some girls fall in love
for the deep inner you..bull# XD

reply to post by XTexan


Actually I did not look past the gun, so no, I just wrote a response with not seeing you. I do not need to.

It is not that you are not a nice guy, however do you dress on the outside like you are on the inside, was my point. Are they in sync. So it seems that that is the case according to you.

reply to post by SoulOrb


I dress in Polo shirts and blue jeans for the most part, T-shirts when I'm working around the house... I dress the way I want to and not to fit some "standard" I enjoy looking good (as much as I can at least, lol)

I'm not sure what your saying here, and I may be mis-interpreting you... but you seem to be saying that because my profile pic on ATS is a gun, I'm a bad person or something...

I can understand that in your part of the world, someone having a gun or a picture of a gun could be considered a violent person... but thats just not the case down here in Texas, lol.

If the root cause of my women issues layed in my hobby of target shooting, then I think I would have figured that out by now... and yes there have been times that I met a woman and she found out I had guns and she didn't like it, so things didn't work out. I put that info on the table early on to get it out of they way, no surprises. But by and far its not the motivating factor in the ending of most of my relationships...

[edit on 25-3-2009 by XTexan]

You know, I'm sick and tired of women lying to me. I've been talking to this girl for a long time now, and we've been on and off you know (she knows exactly how I feel about her)... today she tells me that she's had a boyfriend for the past "month or 2". So she's been lying to me for a while now.

It's seriously about to break me, and I'm losing control of myself and my emotions.

I just can't stand this anymore

:bnghd::bnghd::bnghd::bnghd::bnghd:

Gazrok, women do think about sex a lot, maybe not as often as men, but even married women think about sex. The difference is, once we have children, we are working, taking care of a home and taking care of the children, at the end of the day we are exhausted, and have no spare moment of thinking about sex or even the energy. Men go to work, come home and ask about dinner and sex, in that order, ignoring the fact that their wife has just spent a long day working, and is now trying to take care of the children while cooking dinner and cleaning house. We only have so many hours in the day you know.

Completely understand all of that. We guys work, do housework, and all of that too...(I even often make dinner, as I get home first). Granted, my situation is more complicated, my wife has health problems, and other issues...but every married guy I know has the same complaint. To be frank, most of just want to be shown a little interest occassionally, and many actions (that interest me) don't really rely on the gal putting a lot of physical effort into it.

And yes, tried discussing it calmly and with the idea of finding a resolution, but it always ends in hard feelings and more harm then good....so I resort to the married man's standby solution for ages...suck it up and simply accept it, and be thankful for the occassional weird lunar moment where our wives are in the mood.... I love my wife dearly, and would never dream of seeking out another, but yes, this one part of our marriage is frustrating, but seems to be the norm.