posted on Feb, 9 2009 @ 02:47 PM
If in case it is a potential guy with a death wish....
Then i hope somebody will find some substance from my story.
Only three years ago, i was close to death...
I was dumped by the girl i absolutely adored and loved. We had travelled across continents together and lived together and it all came to a grinding
When she left i became homeless, not so much living on the streets (although occasionally it happened) but more living on my mates couch.
I was also unemplyed and found it VERY hard to find a job.
I felt awful for being there, and disrupting his routine....
I was heartbroken and had nowhere to go, homeless, heartbroken, jobless and nothing anybody could say to me could change my sunken heart. I was a lost
But.... After two very bad attempts at suicide. (tried hanging myself on an old shirt - ended up coughing and spluttering on my own saliva) and an
attempt to jump in front of a train (my legs became like lead, even when my mind was screaming at me to do it, my body kept me alive by not moving and
i thought i was so psyched up enough to do it).....
Now let me tell you all..... Suicide is painful. Not because of the death, but down to the very fact that the person who commits such an act feels
such isolation. such despair and such loneliness.... that the final curtain feels like a way out and the people who love you, will wish they had seen
the signs and helped you. Believe me, if you feel isolated because of society, then DO NOT blame those you trust, because they too are victims of
modern society. People do not always see the signs, but that does NOT mean they don't love you.
Let me also tell anybody considering such a thing.... It's a selfish act. It's not even cowardly, because at least cowards SAVE their own skin.
YES the despair, the loneliness and the lack of hope is crushing, but you have got to realise that by doing such a thing. You will set forth a series
of events that will bring about YOUR current emotions into the people who DO love you.
I, at the time believed that NOBODY cared for me. YET, i failed to open my eyes/mind/heart and see that my friend had given me a warm,
semi-comfortable abode, a place of refuge, at the sacrifice of his own privacy and time.
Now... I have turned everything around. Believe me, if I can do it.... (the most emotional, self-centred, idiot on the planet), then YOU can
The sunshine feels good for a reason.
Keep your chin up and even if everything feels grey, remember that life IS colourful and you can get through even the darkest of times with only a
admin edit: Please DO NOT attempt to circumvent our foul language censors.
[edit on 9-2-2009 by mr-lizard]
[edit on 2-9-2009 by Springer]