As someone who has suffered through years of what you are going through, I can certainly empathize with your situation.

I would look out for any sign of "parental alienation" (my ex hit 80% of the markers). Even if it's not 100% conscious on her part, it can happen so easily. If she hits the markers, tell her you've noticed.

As for the child support agencies...Well, they hide behind "it's the law" - without ever really truly understanding it. They are there to collect money. They use a computer program to calculate how much. They spent a lot of money on that program, and by golly they are going to use it. It's a crock, and it's one sided, but it's what they paid for (and what you'll pay for).

Aside from that, they tend to be very bad at their job anyway. They decide how much you pay, how you pay it (garnishments etc.), when you pay it. If THEY make a mistake, it's YOUR responsibility. Trust me - they will make mistakes. Call your case worker...When/If you ever get to talk to them, ask very precise questions on the legalities of the case. I'll bet you that they cannot answer half of the questions on the case that they are holding in their hands.

When there's any sort of problem with the file (remember it's your responsibility even if you have absolutely no control over it) they will mess up your credit rating by reporting you to TRS.

On your divorce there will be clearly defined terms of responsibility, and visitation. If your ex strays from any of these (like making decisions independently for which you were supposed to have been jointly responsible), report her to the court. Every time. If she tries to block a visitation, report it. Every time. I did not, and I wish I had.

Custody/visitation and child support are not cross linked in any way. Don't use one to fight the other. Mantra. Say it three times.

As many mentioned - never bad mouth the ex in any way in front of the kids.

Unfortunately the courts do look at the women differently to how they perceive men. Sad, unfair, but true. Proof gets you nowhere. Logic gets you nowhere. The law gets you nowhere in court. It's all down to (a) the judge, (b) what he/she has been directed to decide by whatever directive from above (logic fails here), (c) his/her personal feelings (even though I had proof, the judge's best friend had a similar job to the ex - so she "knew" that I was wrong. Proof? Evidence? Logic? Thrown out).

The system is unfair. It is not logical. Do your best to fight it. The kids are the ones who suffer in the end if you don't.

Is it purely coincidental that the DA's office (child support agency as it was then) handling my case was federally audited three times. Useless, all of them. The old logo was literally a woman leaning on the state of California. Very telling.

Bitter? Me? Yep. Chewed up and sapt out of the machine.

I can understand that there are many women out there who are the victims of the 'deadbeat dad'. I really do feel for you. The problem is that every dad now has been tarred with the same brush.

Well, I don't know if I would call it good news or not but I got them to back off for a bit anyhow and not jack with my drivers license. I called and raised holy hell with the lady after posting this thread and getting a letter (with more threats of course) claiming I owed something like $16,000.......I lost my friggin mind. I completely melted down with this lady and her supervisor. I finally told them to shut their mouths, if they needed a recap they could just play back the conversation as I know it is recorded....LMAO! I completely aired out all my grievences with them, the system, my ex, all of it. Told them the first thing they need to do was look at my payment history....does that look like a deadbeat to you bish??? Told them that in the last three communications (all within 10 days of each other) that I had been given three amounts that I owe all of which vary wildly, some from a couple of grand(realistic) to $7,000, and the $16,000 (they got the good dope I guess) figure that I have no damn idea where it comes from.....and neither do they, but they are more than happy to mess up my life over it until the figure it out. I let them know I wouldn't give anyone a dime until I had a solid figure in writing, nor would I comply in any way until someone helped my enforce my rights as a father, and that they would be considered an enemy and threats/extortion attempts would be handled accordingly with retaliation. I talked so much smack it's not even funny(not that it will help me later, I know I know) To be honest, I spent the rest of the day waiting for some nice men with badges to come have a talk with me, but they never did. Apparently I'm not the first one to make some threats when they are losing their grip on fatherhood. I must have ranted like a lunitic for 10-15 minutes. Long story short(too late) I got a call back from a supervisor later on saying that they were enrolling me in some program that would protect me from their "collection practices" and she actually gave me the number to a non-custodial parents advocacy group in my area. It's not much but maybe a start in the right direction on their part, at least in my case. I am just glad they are taking me seriously. I have a feeling I am still fighting a losing battle, and that I will gain nothing,but I am also pretty sure my son is old enough to know his old man is pulling for him even if I completely lose out. Like many of you mentioned earlier, one day he will be old enough to live with, or drive to see whoever he wants and he will remember me fighting in vain just to be his daddy. Guess we'll see, they just better not take it all and still keep pushing......

Got'a take a deep breath man!

You will see just like your kids will see thru' the sh*t! remember the kids see thru it better then the adults (say age 12 most can

Your day will come man....it's not forever, and when y'r kids' get older it will be different for you, much different....and most of all worth it.

How you say it...again? oh y'a "priceless"

Y'r Canadian friend,
Sven

Originally posted by moocowman

I often wonder whether things like these are delibeately designed to keep socity at each others throats, so we're too busy to notice what's really going on in the world.

Without confrontation or reason to fight, most women are just women.......

They hate that!

When will women learn to love as well as they expect to be loved?

Years of being objects and suffering at the hands of egotistical men is NOT the fault of men TODAY.

If they want equality...fine

If they want revenge...NOT fine, it can only breed conflict.

Long live celibacy! I think with my brain.

Just to remind some on here....

I'm a single dad... never got 1 cent in child support, got full custody but never a penny in support.

So from my view....this is def. double sided.

Oh y'a never held back any time the mother or other family members from seeing the child. Have a feeling if this was reversed I would be paying thru' the nose and having very little time with my kid.

Not to mention the fact the dad's need to pay etc. (and in some cases have a drivers license revoked), while at the same time they get the child on a weekend, with very little money left to take them out for fun or feed them, cloth'them, not to mention a bed for them.

It's funny even with my situation, the mother would still try to do things to "upset" my son's life with his dad...imagine if I asked for child support.