posted on Feb, 9 2009 @ 06:06 PM
As someone who has suffered through years of what you are going through, I can certainly empathize with your situation.
I would look out for any sign of "parental alienation" (my ex hit 80% of the markers). Even if it's not 100% conscious on her part, it can happen
so easily. If she hits the markers, tell her you've noticed.
As for the child support agencies...Well, they hide behind "it's the law" - without ever really truly understanding it. They are there to collect
money. They use a computer program to calculate how much. They spent a lot of money on that program, and by golly they are going to use it. It's a
crock, and it's one sided, but it's what they paid for (and what you'll pay for).
Aside from that, they tend to be very bad at their job anyway. They decide how much you pay, how you pay it (garnishments etc.), when you pay it. If
THEY make a mistake, it's YOUR responsibility. Trust me - they will make mistakes. Call your case worker...When/If you ever get to talk to them, ask
very precise questions on the legalities of the case. I'll bet you that they cannot answer half of the questions on the case that they are holding in
When there's any sort of problem with the file (remember it's your responsibility even if you have absolutely no control over it) they will mess up
your credit rating by reporting you to TRS.
On your divorce there will be clearly defined terms of responsibility, and visitation. If your ex strays from any of these (like making decisions
independently for which you were supposed to have been jointly responsible), report her to the court. Every time. If she tries to block a visitation,
report it. Every time. I did not, and I wish I had.
Custody/visitation and child support are not cross linked in any way. Don't use one to fight the other. Mantra. Say it three times.
As many mentioned - never bad mouth the ex in any way in front of the kids.
Unfortunately the courts do look at the women differently to how they perceive men. Sad, unfair, but true. Proof gets you nowhere. Logic gets you
nowhere. The law gets you nowhere in court. It's all down to (a) the judge, (b) what he/she has been directed to decide by whatever directive from
above (logic fails here), (c) his/her personal feelings (even though I had proof, the judge's best friend had a similar job to the ex - so she
"knew" that I was wrong. Proof? Evidence? Logic? Thrown out).
The system is unfair. It is not logical. Do your best to fight it. The kids are the ones who suffer in the end if you don't.
Is it purely coincidental that the DA's office (child support agency as it was then) handling my case was federally audited three times. Useless, all
of them. The old logo was literally a woman leaning on the state of California. Very telling.
Bitter? Me? Yep. Chewed up and sapt out of the machine.
I can understand that there are many women out there who are the victims of the 'deadbeat dad'. I really do feel for you. The problem is that every
dad now has been tarred with the same brush.