Old Soul...so tired...

How do those of you like myself manage to live day to day?

I look forward to sleep every night, where I can manifest, be lucid and use all my knowledge of the plastic nature of reality.

I have been shown all I have ever wanted to know about the nature of reality/creation/existence in this life.

I know who...but more importantly WHAT I am. I know I am here for a purpose, but I am floundering...

I have died a million times in this life (via a very powerful/life changing night) been reborn more times to count. I have live an infinite number of possible beings/objects...

I feel as I am just "waiting" for something I was put here to witness in this "prison" of daily life.

Oh yes, I can and do make small changes in my reality...I have been practicing hard and have improved many aspects of not only myself but my world.

What do you do when you are stuck in a human body and realize you are God? Sometimes I just want to hit the reset button -- but I stop because I know it'll never end...this incarnation of mine means something this time. For me to understand these truths/realizations at such a young age of 26...means I need to understand and learn to live with it.

How can you know your true divinity and still work a job, listen to others and their whacky ideas about religion, and "fit in".

It would be easier to "go back to sleep" in a sense...but that is the easy choice. I was put here to discover what I have...and somehow learn to incorporate it.

I have no idea how. My soul is so tired friends.

You're suppose to be having fun, enjoying life. Maybe it's your attitude that is keeping you down. ?? Life is a trip, man. Enjoy it while you can, death comes to us all, and all in good time. So, suck it up, man, get over whatever it is that is keeping you down and start enjoying life. You should count your blessings .. there are those that loose their life far too soon by no fault of their own, even before they have half the chance to become free adults and enjoy life, so stop complaining. There are probably millions and millions that have much more to complain about than you and your god trapped in a body complex.

I know exactly how you feel.

For years, I too felt the knowing of my tired soul longing for some greater purpose than all of this. Decades of searching through the internet mess of truths and wondering when I will find my purpose. I made myself mad with the passions of a spiritual quest with no feasable end. I considered myself, to be something greater than this life. I too, stained with the defacation of life traumas and tragedys. Waking every day, wanting just to die- because what's the point if you really cant make a difference, the way we want and need to anyway.

My advice to you...

You know who you are, your knowledge and experience are not for nothing. Some of us wait years, sometimes decades for the answers to our pleas. Yes sometimes God isnt listening, Yes sometimes you are right in your thinking, and what is beyond all of this? All of us? All of God and his realm that he created to confine and demand woship from? We can begin to define ourself outside of our third dimensional creator.

See ourselves as the masters of our souls, and to learn that there are vast interspace dimensional universes that lie just outside of Yahweh's traditional grasp.

There are past deities, gods, goddesses that have created their own place. Their own universe. Their own heirarchy.

Dont ask for proof from the god known to man on earth. Ask for assistance from those long forgotten- who exist beyond the realms of his control. They are listening, and grow stronger as we acknowledge them.

~Aneia

[edit on 27-1-2009 by xynephadyn]

Thank you all...seriously.

My problem is -- I know I AM God.

But knowing and "being" are two diffrent things.

I guess it would be like letting a beef cow know it's eventual purpose before it's butchering.

I was shown so much, only to have to return to such a regimented, stagnant life.

I know so much is possible...I know I can do anything/be anything...but I have not the tools/training to do so.

It's like having "behind the scenes spoilers" for reality/existance/the universe before said movie is even imagined.

If you know so much, perhaps it would be best if you figured out a way to communicate it and share it with others, like many of us need to.
Perhaps you are bored because you know you have freedom, and think you know all truths. But there are individual truths to be found in each and every person you meet, each place has it's own soul and energy. You haven't done it all yet, it is not possible in an infinite existence. Make a choice to discover something new, even in a so-called movie script, you can make variations and adjustments to make it better or more interesting.
Yes, knowing your own truths can be boring, try learning someone else's and actually listen to what they have to say. I know I struggle with that, and it makes me feel connected when I try. I feel understood when they try.
And feeling connected sure feels good this time around.

I feel a need to help others -- however what I know and can teach *shakes head* is to much. Most people would just commit suicide, feeling safe in knowing what I know...

"EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING"

Simple on the onset, but ponder and realize how everything is a part of a greater one-ness whole.

Our scientists claim all matter came from a "big bang" -- and are we all not matter? Even basic physics can support this.

However, to myself -- this is a deeper more spiritual connection to the "all" ...

I am tired...tired of trying to open others eyes...tired of trying to "fit in" .... tired of being reborn over and over, now knowing finally so early in this life what is in store eventually.

I am so TIRED of knowing what I know, knowing it will all happen again, and again...because it has to...infinity is a blessing/curse IMO right now.

Being 23 i feel i am on a similar path to what you are describing. But don't forget that there are so many wondrous things in this life to experience and enjoy.

Get out there and live life, you may think that you know the answer like i do, but that shouldnt stop you from enjoying what you do have even if it isnt a part of your greater purpose.

I recently came back from Europe where my fiance and i went skydiving over the Swiss Alps- now if that doesn't get you going then maybe you are a lost cause after all. I cant even express what that felt like to soar above the mountains 12,000ft up. I certainly look at my life differently since doing that.

AMAZING!

Originally posted by Divinorumus
...than you and your god trapped in a body complex.

But, people with god-trapped-in-body complexes are people too! God/Creation/Etc. made us that way. So, we are supposed to be here. Besides, don't act like you wouldn't want to be a god yourself dude... like, right-on, I'd be all up in dat God-SNIP

[edit on 30-1-2009 by Crakeur]

reply to post by Divinorumus


Hey Div, I was just dip'n in the div last night and it was like instant vortex man. I was inside a big sandwich vortex... with lettuce and tomato. And guess who was the meat in the middle!

reply to post by MystikMushroom


If I were to believe and understand the life story of Jesus ... I would akin myself to feeling as how that young man must have felt, realizing, shouldering, the knowledge he had.

Why me? Why now? What makes my reality so hard to navigate?

As I said...I know I was put here for a reason.

The "everything that is all" needs to experience every permutation possible to infinity...it's sort of a "self-created-mindgame/trap". Fractal, perhaps in nature. As above, so is below.

I'm just tired of relishing my dream state, knowing that it is as valid and real as my waking state.

The world is hurting right now, perhaps more than it has ever before. There are now more souls on Earth than ever before...and perhaps I am letting the mass suffering and anxiety "get to me".

I need to find my center.

Where is my center?

Part of me says, "Find a Guru!" -- no, by placing one's self under a "master" or "guru" you give up your own personal power and understanding that you ARE that Guru/Master. It is just another illusion.

I know that there are other awakened souls out there that must feel as I do.

To live in a perpetual dream state....oh what joy that would be right now.

Originally posted by MystikMushroom
I feel a need to help others -- however what I know and can teach *shakes head* is to much. Most people would just commit suicide, feeling safe in knowing what I know...

"EVERYTHING IS EVERYTHING"

Simple on the onset, but ponder and realize how everything is a part of a greater one-ness whole.

Our scientists claim all matter came from a "big bang" -- and are we all not matter? Even basic physics can support this.

However, to myself -- this is a deeper more spiritual connection to the "all" ...

I am tired...tired of trying to open others eyes...tired of trying to "fit in" .... tired of being reborn over and over, now knowing finally so early in this life what is in store eventually.

I am so TIRED of knowing what I know, knowing it will all happen again, and again...because it has to...infinity is a blessing/curse IMO right now.

But time makes it feel slower and more real at the moment. Just go with it. Don't fight it, just do it and try new things. This life is unique in it's one-ness with all. Experience it in it's singularity and when the time comes this one will be gone, and the next will seem different enough. You don't have to fit in, not this time. Yes, we are all connected, but this is one way to "experience" it from a different perspective, different strengths and weaknesses. Different intensities.
Still it is a gift to explore, try to forget the illusion and just enjoy it. This is a great time to experience all kinds of diversity out there.

reply to post by The.Gunslinger


Thanks man...

I need to break out of my mold and do something random/crazy (not harmful) and joyful.

Any ideas?

I want to get my first tattoo...perhaps a Sigil I created for myself...or an I-Ching hexagram...after all...this is simply a "flesh suit" we inhabit after all.


If doing what I am currently doing seems to breed feelings of isolation/non-connected-ness....then logic would imply doing something radically opposite should breathe zest and life into my soul's experience? No?

I still enjoy staring at a flower, talking to a fish....quiet times to myself where I can feel "at one" with my surroundings...but as of late these moments are harder and harder to capture.

sleeping is necessary and yes somewhat addictive, but to want it too much is an escape from the work to be done. But sleep if it feels right too. I do. I sleep as much as I want. No I never feel rested enough, but I know there is stuff to do now. I thought I was done too, that I had done it all and there was no more I wanted to know. But I met someone who changed all that. Someone who can show me things I never knew about myself this time. And it feels good to be seen.
Look for like minds just as you look for diversity. Balance.
Fitting in is just being yourself and finding who appreciates it. Trusting the world will be ok if you are yourself. Experience this self completely, because it will die.

reply to post by MystikMushroom


Might I suggest a nice hiatus in nature for a few weeks?

Someplace out of the way, primitive camping for example - where you can run free and wild and reclaim your youth?

I know it sounds crazy, but sometimes spending a whole day - or week - building a sand castle does wonders for the Old Soul.

'Out with the old and in with the new.' ~ The following thoughts just occurred: be a Johnny Appleseed and spread yourself around from just One God to seeing through the eyes of the many. That's all I could add to this thread bcuz my brain stopped.

Oh and appreciate anything and everything 'You' created so far... It has been nice so far...

[edit on 2009-1-27 by pikypiky]

"try to forget the illusion "

...

I hear you...but at the same time...my entire life (even as a todler) I was always asking questions, never satisfied. As I grew I began to ask deeper and harder questions.

I was "gifted" (and also cursed) later via my continual questioning by the ultimate answer.

I do not fear death, not one bit....What I do fear is living a boring, stagnant life with the knowledge of all that the universe has in store.

Forgetting the illusion to me is another easy decision, like suicide.

I need to somehow come to grips with what I am, who I am, what I can be and what I ought to do with what I am given.

I have no "goals" -- no "future" -- I wander aimlessly in my life repeating the same work/life schedule each day, out of some long instilled "fear" of loosing what little I have achieved.

Thank you ALL so much for listening to me...for some reason I feel as though there might be others who have not posted but feel similar as of late to myself via the changes in the spirit/world-mind.

Originally posted by GENERAL EYES
reply to post by MystikMushroom

 

Might I suggest a nice hiatus in nature for a few weeks?

Someplace out of the way, primitive camping for example - where you can run free and wild and reclaim your youth?

I know it sounds crazy, but sometimes spending a whole day - or week - building a sand castle does wonders for the Old Soul.

I love nature. I was born/raised/live in Alaska. Sadly, I never seem to have the "time" (I simply do not make it for myself) to do so.

Oh how I wish I could just sit in the woods and talk with the birds and listen to the trees.

No...I have to keep a job (and as of late feel lucky to have one) to afford to even be able to eventualy DO that one day.

From what I have read from all suggestions....I feel that what I need is a "walk-about" -- in the traditional sense. I need to just "disappear" for a time...find myself/center and discover the true simple beauty of the world unfettered by needs/obligations.

It's so hard though -- I have a nice little "hobbit hole" and junky car that is finally MINE that I afford and pay for finally on my own.

But my soul is more important -- I wish I had someone in my life that would actualy SLAP me and bitch me out for not just packing up and going to India, Austraila, or wherever... I know the one-ness would take care of me if I was willing to carry my weight and work for food/lodging.

Originally posted by MystikMushroom
I feel a need to help others -- however what I know and can teach *shakes head* is to much. Most people would just commit suicide, feeling safe in knowing what I know...

You feel this due to empathy. Its a natural state for old souls and one that can be easily overcome by simply understanding that its okay to "feel" for others. But that you and your temple are what comes first in knowing, once achieved one can then set out for the assistance of others.


However, to myself -- this is a deeper more spiritual connection to the "all" ...

I am tired...tired of trying to open others eyes...tired of trying to "fit in" .... tired of being reborn over and over, now knowing finally so early in this life what is in store eventually.

I am so TIRED of knowing what I know, knowing it will all happen again, and again...because it has to...infinity is a blessing/curse IMO right now.

It isn't up to you and just you to open the eyes of others; there are thousands of people like you and many are much older to be sure. It is up to each individual soul to choose their path and ways of getting to the means of their own end. Just because someone doesn't want to see the truth of the state of affairs doesn't mean we have to suffer endless pain for them.

Being "tired" means more times than not that you aren't moving in the right direction. Perhaps not focusing so much on all the feelings for others not seeing "your" way for a bit is in order. A lot of people know and also have learned that not everyone wants to know. Most people just want to move along with the "tide" until the end. That is their choice.

Allowing yourself to be drug down by simply being able to understand more about the true matter of life seems to be more of the problem, than say not being able to get others to see your way of thinking?

One you have control over the other you don't; it's time to choose.....

Living in spite of it, the knowing, is not suicide. Giving in to the knowledge that it is temporary and insignificant is not suicide. It all adds the the well of all that is. It is a contribution. What you want to put into it is the choice. Simply. Make a choice, or allow it to be.

You don't have to be stuck if you don't want to. Wanting, desiring, is the first step to the next. Be mindful of what you desire, it is the pointer, the sign.

Originally posted by MystikMushroom
My problem is -- I know I AM God.

How do you "know'? this and if this was the case couldn't you just will yourself away from the troubles of present?