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Have we failed our children?

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posted on Jan, 23 2009 @ 08:20 AM
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I remember growing up thinking that my parents were old fuddy duddies that were not up with the times. They were old fashioned and they just didn’t get. I guess there were some things that we didn’t want them to get so we had our own slang that they couldn’t penetrate; they had to ask for translation. Of course this gave us a small feeling of power though the sensation was brief. I remember all the rules and the chores, the little hoops that we had to jump through if we wanted privileges like borrowing the car or going out with friends on the weekend. I remember dreaming about growing up and being on my own. I could not wait to leave home and to have a place that I could call my own. I guess this was fertilized by my mother and father’s favorite mantra: “As long and you live in my house I make the rules and you will do as I say.”

I did grow up and I left my parent’s home about three months after graduation. Things were not always as great as they were that first month I was on my own and I had to return home a couple of times to get refueled. I made mistakes and my parents patiently and lovingly guided me and slowly I started to recognize the gift of their patience and of their wisdom. I am much older now. My father is late and my mom is a much grander than life version of herself. She is a grandmother times infinity. She was a wonderful mother and she nurtured all the kids in the neighborhood so now she is grandma to what seems the world. I don’t think the Yankee Stadium could hold all the children that call here Nanna and honestly mean it.

I look at the young children of today and I am worried. I try to have conversations with my young family members and maybe I am wrong but it seems that the generation gap has become a divide. It is not just the verbal communication problem; all generations have that. This seems to go a little deeper. It is almost as if they are lacking a soul. I rarely see a spark of desire or passion in them for anything except a media contrived person or item. “I don’t know”, is the common response to almost every question. I have tried to interact with them on their level but unless I am playing Wii or some other video game with them the conversation is one-sided. I even notice that there is not a lot of conversation among themselves. I can not understand why two people in the same room have to communicate by text messaging. Some will say it is so the other people in the room can’t hear but they do this when there is no one else in the room but them. They seem to have lost the art of conversation.

I know that every generation has feared for the future of the next but I think that we really have something to fear. Have we given our children the tools that that are going to need to make it is this brave new world. I was taught from age two to be self sufficient. I was cooking dinner for my family when I was eight. Do our children have the tools to make it? Have we prepared them or are we sending them out like lambs to the slaughter?




posted on Jan, 23 2009 @ 08:42 AM
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I think it would be great if an entire generation decided to do nothing and to not participate in anything. I dont really care either way though.

Im thinking about just posting up in the middle of town with a few people and just standing there. Maybe set up some chares and sit. Doing absolutely nothing. Maybe bring some instruments and play some music. Every saturday. Maybe some more people will join us and maybe we can sustain doing nothing for an extended period of time. In the middle of town. Spending no money, making no money. Just having a sit. I will call it, "Living inside western society, outside of western society." Pretty much like being homeless except with a bunch of other people. That may be paradise if you think about it. And of course we will be blitzed.

And you ask, have we failed our children?
No, humanity failed itself a long time ago.

I dont think anyone cares anymore. What are we trying to do here anyway? Feed the beast? Rape the planet? Make more laws? Fight more fights? Whats the point? I dont see it.

[edit on 23-1-2009 by Wisen Heimer]



posted on Jan, 23 2009 @ 09:22 AM
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Originally posted by Wisen Heimer
I think it would be great if an entire generation decided to do nothing and to not participate in anything. I dont really care either way though.

Im thinking about just posting up in the middle of town with a few people and just standing there. Maybe set up some chares and sit. Doing absolutely nothing. Maybe bring some instruments and play some music. Every saturday. Maybe some more people will join us and maybe we can sustain doing nothing for an extended period of time. In the middle of town. Spending no money, making no money. Just having a sit. I will call it, "Living inside western society, outside of western society." Pretty much like being homeless except with a bunch of other people. That may be paradise if you think about it. And of course we will be blitzed.

And you ask, have we failed our children?
No, humanity failed itself a long time ago.

I dont think anyone cares anymore. What are we trying to do here anyway? Feed the beast? Rape the planet? Make more laws? Fight more fights? Whats the point? I dont see it.


There are days that I feel like that too. There are days when I wake up and all I want to do is to just go back to bed and pray for a Rip Van Winkle event but I am always gifted with a reason to get up. Of course it helps that my critters are not going to let me sleep pass a certain hour so I have to get up out of self-defense. Yet as much as I would like to remain asleep or to bury my head in the sand I am plagued with a sense of duty and responsibility to the children that are going to have to deal with the world that we leave them. I grew up in a generation that was tired of war and tired of controls so we threw them all away; so we thought. It is more than ironic that we have created a world that is full of more controls, restrictions and wars then we had before. What happened to our commitment to love and the elimination of wars?


[edit on 23-1-2009 by Wisen Heimer]


[edit on 23-1-2009 by NightSkyeB4Dawn]



posted on Jan, 23 2009 @ 09:45 AM
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reply to post by NightSkyeB4Dawn
 


I think you make an excellent point. From what I have noticed, it seems that more and more kids lack respect for all authority altogether. Parents are going to Montel Williams and complaining that they are afraid of their 8 year old! We see footage of said child hitting and spitting on that parent.

At the grocery store, we see tantrums in the cereal isle while parents just stand there and allow it. When I was a kid, I'd NEVER have gotten away with that. I was never hit... but I KNEW better. All it took was one look from my mother and I knew to knock it off. Today parents are so worried about DYFS and other child services that they choose to just let it be. What is resulting in this is a total lack of discipline to these kids.


So the real question is... how far out of hand have gotten with DYFS? Kids are now calling DYFS if they are slapped across the face and are being sided with! I don't believe in beating your kids. But if at the age of 10 you decide to use profanity toward your parent, and you have been WARNED on more than one occasion about it, you then deserve a swift slap across your face. Learn to show some respect! Parents threaten, but never follow through. They either don't care, or they are too afraid to.

As for video games and lack of communication... take the games away! Set a game time where kids have PERMISSION to play at certain times. Why does a 10 year old need a cell phone?? I got my first cell phone on my own when I turned 18. My parents thought my desire to have one was insane, and you know what... they were right! It is just a useless distraction for kids to have them. Instead, when I was 6th grade, I got a phone phone line for my room. I had a curfew and had to be off he phone by 9pm everynight. If I violated that, the phone was removed from my room and so was the TV. Guess what.. I never violated my parents demands. I came home when they wanted me home, I did the chores they required of me, and I improved my grades when they were not happy with a report card. The more I followed what they demanded of me, the more DESERVED freedoms I had as I got older because I was TRUSTED.

My parents owned a store and used to go to trade shows for an entire weekend. I was left home alone at 16 and 17 with no supervision because I was trusted. I never threw a party (sure I had friends over, but my parents were aware of it), and my older sister would stop in to check on me of course... but I never violated their trust in me. Could you imagine that happening today?



posted on Jan, 23 2009 @ 10:14 AM
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reply to post by Beege24
 


I agree with you but the problem here is not the children. When did parents stop being parents? I fight with my sister all the time about her relationship with her children. She is afraid that they are going to become angry with her and say those dreaded word: "I HATE YOU!!" I believe that if a child does not tell the parents that they hate them at least once a month then they are doing their job as parents. My sister is proud that her teenage daughters say my mom is best friend while they run amok and do as they please ignoring all her requests. I don’t believe a parent should be a best friend at that age. They have enough friends. They need guidance, instruction, rules, discipline. They need wise, patient loving parents; not another friend. When we stop being parents we fail our children. IMO



posted on Jan, 23 2009 @ 11:27 AM
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reply to post by NightSkyeB4Dawn
 


I agree with you.. I don't think I made that point as clear as I wanted to in my first post. Parents ARE more afraid to displease their children. I never told my parents that I hated them. It was understood that I was the child, and THEY were the parents. Their rules may have sucked to me then, but I had to obey. That is the natural order of things. Parents today fail to set that boundary with their kids.

My sister has been hovering over my nephew since the day he was born. He is a straight A student and very well behaved. However, he is addicted to video games, refuses to play outside, and is a classic "mamma's boy" to the extreme. He may have some issues in high school in two years... but he will be good kid that stays out of trouble. I think trouble may find him though and it scares the heck out of my whole family. In all honesty, the kid is a bit of a wuss, which is fine at home, but at school he is going to be tormented. Thats another issue that parents don't seem to want to address. Do they care if their kid is a bully? If so, what do they plan on doing about it?

My sister has a great line of communication open with my nephew so when he does get picked on she addresses it with him so he doesn't feel isolated or abused. We share our stories with him and show him how to laugh it off even when it hurts. That way he won't take his frustration out on someone else. There just arn't enough parents willing to address issues like this with their children. They don't care, or have no time, and it really effects the kids in the long run. This is what leads up to violence in schools. When do we finally say enough is enough?



posted on Jan, 23 2009 @ 12:17 PM
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reply to post by NightSkyeB4Dawn
 





signature Never underestimate the warmth of a cold nose.


I think that we can learn a lot from our four legged cold nosed companions. I am grounded everyday by the unconditional love, the level of forgiveness and my role of responsibility in their care. Every child deserves unconditional love and that love comes with a role of responsibility of care and well being for the child as well as discipline and guidance. I have friends that think all they have to do is put down a bowl of water and a bowl of food and they have fulfilled their responsibility to their animals. Worse I have friends that think that as long as they provide a roof, three daily meals and clothing that they have done their duty as a parent. Our children have been left to the care of electronic sitters, daycares and schools were the bottom line is not their well being but how much cash they can bring in to their coffers. So many parents replaced parenting with dollars and material goods thinking that they can buy happiness for their children. The results have proved them wrong.



posted on Jan, 23 2009 @ 01:57 PM
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Originally posted by NightSkyeB4Dawn
reply to post by NightSkyeB4Dawn
 





signature Never underestimate the warmth of a cold nose.


I think that we can learn a lot from our four legged cold nosed companions. I am grounded everyday by the unconditional love, the level of forgiveness and my role of responsibility in their care. Every child deserves unconditional love and that love comes with a role of responsibility of care and well being for the child as well as discipline and guidance. I have friends that think all they have to do is put down a bowl of water and a bowl of food and they have fulfilled their responsibility to their animals. Worse I have friends that think that as long as they provide a roof, three daily meals and clothing that they have done their duty as a parent. Our children have been left to the care of electronic sitters, daycares and schools were the bottom line is not their well being but how much cash they can bring in to their coffers. So many parents replaced parenting with dollars and material goods thinking that they can buy happiness for their children. The results have proved them wrong.



Amen to that.



posted on Jan, 23 2009 @ 04:05 PM
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My husband and myself struggle with this very subject every day. We are trying to instill old school values, ethics, and ideas onto our 13 year old and are finding massive roadblocks in doing so. It seems as though every time we get a value instilled in her, she spends the night at a friends , or goes to school and reverts back to the mindless sheep she once was.

I remember in school, they not only taught us, they taught us how to think. Common sense and values were integrated into the every day subject criteria. Now, they only teach "book smarts" which will not teach her how to survive in the real world alone. And is interfering with any family values we are trying to instill in her as the school and the parents are not working together to create a better society/person.

In conjunction with that is the parents who give there child everything. For example, my daughter has a friend who's parents buy her a expensive cell phone and when she gets in trouble, takes it away and gives her a trac phone instead????? their child tells them to shut up, verbally abuses them on a daily basis and get away with it. My daughter bears witness to this and then comes home with the same attitude!!! These parents do not help the situation. Neither does the school by not instilling values into there teachings (not the teachers faults, I am sure they are just as frustrated with childrens behavior, but unable to discipline because of the rules we set for them)

And it is very upsetting that a regular mom can get nailed for child abuse because she slapped her kid across the face (for disrespecting her), but a foster child can go missing for months/years and no one notices??? (from a previous thread here, unsure which one)

Almost seems as though everyone involved with our children are on a different page and there is no consistancy..

I must thank you OP. For a minute there, my husband and I thought we were crazy



posted on Jan, 23 2009 @ 04:33 PM
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We lost control of our children when someone came up with the big idea of taking the laws away from the parents and giving them to the kids. We couldn't correct them without threats of being put in jail. This bred a whole generation of selfishness. Young parents these days are still focused on just themselves and the kids suffer by being brought up as baggage in Mommy and Daddy's life.



posted on Jan, 23 2009 @ 04:56 PM
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Originally posted by Nemo001

We lost control of our children when someone came up with the big idea of taking the laws away from the parents and giving them to the kids. We couldn't correct them without threats of being put in jail. This bred a whole generation of selfishness. Young parents these days are still focused on just themselves and the kids suffer by being brought up as baggage in Mommy and Daddy's life.


I think that just about describes it. Our children don’t know that they are being selfish. They have been taught they all they have to do to get something is to express a desire for it. Our children behave they way we raise them and they feel they are "entitled".



posted on Jan, 23 2009 @ 08:49 PM
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Im 31 years old and I have no desire to have children anymore. All my friends do not understand this. They are in the process of raising their kids and planning for more. I can already see the path most of their kids are heading. My one friend buys her 6 year old Coach handbags. 6 years old! She is demanding, ungrateful, and rude. Yet my friend still spoils her rotten. Her excuse is... "I work so much that I don't want to spend my time with her just disciplining her". Sound familiar?


I worked as a nanny for years. I tutor English for elementary school kids, and I see it first hand every day. I love kids. I dont love how people are raising their kids. I almost feel helpless in the fact that no matter what I would do (if I was a parent) there is no way to stop the negative influence of others on my own kids. It is a losing battle anymore.

Should we shelter and homeschool? That doesn't seem fair. Yet both my husband and I agree that the very thought of having children is no longer appealing to us. Not that we don't want them, or wouldn't cherish them, I just don't want to bring kids into the world and have to deal with everyone elses kids influencing them. It may sound crazy to some people, but I'm honest enough with myself to know that this is the best decision for us.

Besides that.. I'm a redhead with a temper. I'd probably go postal on some dippy parent at the PTA and end up in jail!


[edit on 1/23/2009 by Beege24]



posted on Jan, 23 2009 @ 09:28 PM
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Before you blame all the children and start pointing your fingers at them (which you already have), why dont you take a good look at yourselvs. What do you do? What are your values? What makes you so great? Are you entitled to label someone as sheep or ignorent?

Plus You guys are generalizing. Most little kids seem to be spoiled. Thats what kids do. We're talking about very young children here. Before you know it theyll percribe some mental illness to it and start giving them medication when its not needed. And alot of kids are really mature for their age. Children are not whats wrong with the world. Please.

[edit on 23-1-2009 by Wisen Heimer]



posted on Jan, 23 2009 @ 10:52 PM
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reply to post by Wisen Heimer
 


Im not sure which thread you are referring to, but we have in no way blamed the children here. Kids will be kids, we all understand that. They must be RAISED by the ADULTS. The whole arguement here is that parents are not doing just that. They are either too lazy, too preoccupied with their own lives, or too scared to discipline their kids.

The problem is when these unruly kids with irresponsible parents head off into the world, they are influencing the kids that are being raised the right way. As of right now, it appears that the poorly raised kids are beginning to outnumber the well raised ones. So... that influence is more dominant.



posted on Jan, 23 2009 @ 10:59 PM
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The problem with youth today is the fact that they know they can get away with just about anything without worry of consequences. You cant spank you kids anymore or you run the risk of jail. Plain and simple all these human rights activists have done is set up our young generation for failure through the fact that they have taken away the parents right to discipline at all



posted on Jan, 24 2009 @ 08:54 PM
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Originally posted by speed_demon
The problem with youth today is the fact that they know they can get away with just about anything without worry of consequences. You cant spank you kids anymore or you run the risk of jail. Plain and simple all these human rights activists have done is set up our young generation for failure through the fact that they have taken away the parents right to discipline at all


You are right but why do they think that they can away with it? I know that a lot of people think that because they can't spank their children that means that they can not discipline them at all. This is so wrong.

I come from a family of ten children and my mother and father never spanked any of us. I used to beg my father to spank me. I would ask him to please let me get a switch or a belt anything just spank me but my Dad would have none of that. He believed in punishments that gave you plenty of time to think about why you were being punished like having to wash, wax and polish the wood floors. After spending a weekend of that I guarantee you that you did not repeat the offense. My mom was worse on some levels because she would make you explain to here what you did, why you did it, the consequences of your actions, how it made you feel, etc. It would turn into a three hour lecture that made you think real hard before repeating the offense.

There is more than one way to skin a cat. It just takes more time and patience then most parents are willing to invest in their children today.



posted on Jan, 24 2009 @ 09:15 PM
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reply to post by speed_demon
 





The problem with youth today is the fact that they know they can get away with just about anything without worry of consequences.

That is true. However, is it just KIDS that know they can get away with just about anything withou worrying about consequences?

Let's look at the larger picture.

People who couldn't really afford homes, were given mortgages by lenders who knew the borrowers couldn't afford the home, and this was legislated by a Congress that knew that the borrowers couldn't afford the homes.
Now they all want to be "bailed out" and Congress is there to "bail them out"

Auto manufacturers that build cars that can't compete with Japanese auto makers, because unions want more money, less hours, more benefits, and ridiculous retirement packages, and they get them.
Again, Congress is there with 2 bailout bills to reward them for their failures.

I could go on and on, but you get the picture. No one is ever willing to take responsibility for their actions, so can you expect kids, who don't have as much experience or knowledge as adults, to act any differently.

Our children are what we, collectively, as a nation, have shown them, namely that it is ok- just do it, if it feels good, don't worry about the consequences, we'll bail you out.

Kids will make mistakes. It is how WE react to those mistakes that determine what they will then do. Your child gets it trouble? Let them suffer the consequences, don't "bail them out". You only enable them to continue that bad behavior.

Don't expect society to take care of your children. That is the parents job. If the parents are not steadfast in holding a steady course, then they steer the children into the wrong path.



posted on Jan, 26 2009 @ 01:54 AM
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There is a deeper question here that should be answered. Is how the child is raised responsible for who he is as an adult?

I think maybe the bigger problem is how sheltered most kids are.



posted on Jan, 26 2009 @ 02:28 AM
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reply to post by ProfEmeritus
 


As I was reading through the thread, I began to worry that this argument wouldn't be put forth. You hit the nail on the head.

The selfish, unruly behavior you're all pouncing on as evidence of a failed youth is in fact rampant in modern society, across all age groups. The children are easiest to target, but let's be honest with ourselves--when this type of behavior is indulged in by adults (and isn't it always?), it does far more damage to society than any spoiled fourteen-year-old can do. I don't know that this is necessarily new to the adult set, either. Certainly it could be argued that every few generations of youth see an increase in rebellious behavior, but I'm struggling to locate a point in time when adults weren't engaging in this behavior en masse. Children were kept in line for the most part until (I'd say) the 1960s onward. Being "in charge", haven't we as adults always enjoyed and indeed exploited our ability to do whatever the hell we pleased? Look at all of history to this point--it is one big mess of hedonism by adults.

I suggest we turn the blame back on ourselves if we want to locate the most lowly culprit.



posted on Jan, 26 2009 @ 05:37 AM
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The question of whether you failed as a parent is one I'm not inclined to answer. I know the statistics look bad currently.

The question we should ask here on ATS is:

How can you possibly raise a child to a healthy existense if you yourself do not believe in the system it is being brought up to live and die in?



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