posted on Jan, 17 2009 @ 10:23 PM
Thanks, for the comments, if your still interested, I did a large revision, I don't know if it made it any better, but if you want anymore humor:
In the recent election, both candidates promised change for some reason, I can’t imagine why, our government has already had so many good ideas. The
financial bailout, the national debt, the Iraq War, and the No Child Left Behind Act were all great ideas that contributed greatly to the democratic
heritage of this great nation.
Let’s take the financial bailout for instance. They found a way to spend your money without going to all the work of finding out where it’s going!
It discourages those nasty habits of saving. When Treasury Secretary Paulsen says to give him a 700 billion dollar check, we better do it, because he
knows the situation best himself, because he was an honest Wall Street executive before! I don’t know why it’s called a bailout, there is only a
need for minor tweaking and a need for more compensation for business executives, I mean, were only doing minor repairs, its not like it’s going to
implode and sent us into a recession. It also had the added benefit that the plan eliminated any risk for businesses, which is a great way to run one,
risk-free. For example, why not make loans to anyone who applies? The other great part of it was that is that it gave great compensation to businesses
executives! We need to take care of the undercompensated CEO’s by giving them multi-million dollar bonuses, especially in hard times. Of course,
this economic bailout bill was all part of the plan. The government stood up and refused to listen to the fools saying that the housing bubble was
going to burst. The bailout was well-crafted, well planned-out, and carefully thought-out beforehand. When this minor glitch came about, they were
ready to deal with it once. They were never surprised, they were always ready for the challenge.
Another great idea was government debt, isn’t it just great! The 10 trillion dollar debt is just a start. Some people think this is too much, but
how can you possibly have too much of a good thing? As true Americans, we are materialistic and consumers by habit. We can extend that to the national
debt, spendy and trendy! It was all part of the plan to promote our materialistic values! Our great government used all its tools at its disposal to
improve it: the Iraq War, pork-barrel spending, and government subsidies for alternative energy were all crucial to the safety and growth of America.
It made sure that future generations worked hard. Debt has its advantages, look at Ethanol subsides, it cause food prices to shoot skyward and
depleted the ground water. There was no need to cut spending one bit. Despite all these advantages, some people think we need to cut debt.
Another great idea was the Iraq War. Look at all the things it accomplished: We were able to enforce our views of government on other people, we rid
the world of all those dangerous chemical and biological weapons of mass destruction; Also, we wiped out all the aid that was being given to the 9-11
hijackers! We should totally believe the US Government when they tell us these things. Only 200,000 American lives and a couple of gazillion dollars
did that work itself out, all in all, a good cause. In addition, we saved all those Iraqi’s from the boring stability Saddam Hussein! I don’t
think there was any way to avoid this, diplomacy obviously wouldn’t work, and economic sanctions are such a thing of the past. War is such a better
option to these old-fashioned tools. Finally, we transformed the Middle East into a stable democratic paradise.
The best idea of all was the No Child Left Behind Act. It definitely succeeded by withholding funding to under performing schools. It also benefited
us by narrowing our set of skills only to test taking in Math and English. By taking more time for preparing for these tests, we are able to dispense
with actual learning. How great! I always love lots of tests. Test here, test there, it’s a great way to evaluate students. Only a genius could
realize that we can just mandate that schools do better, instead of actually providing funding and resources! It is the only way to go, other forms of
evaluating students are terrible ideas, and take too long.
In conclusion, our government did some great things, and took a long time to think out these light decisions. Government never went into any shady
dealings with foreign leaders, and always had our best interests at heart. They did what was always right and could never improve. I can’t wait for
this new administration and all the good ideas, I can hardly wait! Government always plowed ahead, without being bothered by public opinion, and was
always ready to “Put Country First”.