Thanks for your post. I didn't see myself as intending to drag others down.

As you will see from the initial post I posit some alternative views. Thanks for adding your perspective.

Maybe "defoo-ing" is a government conspiracy to start the process of depopulation of the masses from fear of potential parents "losing" their offpring.

And to create completely individual entities that are easier to identify, control and influence at an early age without parental guidance.......

Preparations for the production-line of bio-units bred for specific purposes.

Or just messed-up and pi**ed-off kids and parents who can't deal with family responsibilities and respect.

Parents "defoo" kids all the time...it's called "cutting-off" isn't it?

I "defooed" my dad years ago because he's a selfish, stupid tw*t!

[edit on 13/1/2009 by nerbot]

My friends and family have certainly impeded my progress so to speak, in almost everyway. But obviously they are very valuable to me. There is practically nothing that would make it worth it for me to De-Foo, from either friends or family, even though I do not see eye to eye at all with any of them. And there are times I really can't put up with it anymore and absolutely must find time to myself.

And family values perpetuate the state, they don't hurt it. They obliterate our capacity for rebellion in any sense of it. So the government is very happy to see family values. Doesn't make family values wrong obviously, the wrong will always be government itself.

I think this phenomenon has been growing probably for fifty years now, and is reaching into ever more areas of society.

A big contribution is probably that we are geographically much more mobile than we used to be, and I think that probably started with the baby boom generation. It's easier to cut yourself off from all family connections if you don't live in the same town and don't share common acquaintances or haunts than if you are constantly hearing about your folks from others (or they're hearing about you).

The fact that families tend to be smaller now I'm sure also contributes – both because if you have lots of siblings there's a better chance that you'll get along with someone and because I think only children or children with only one or two siblings are more likely to have taken on a significant part of the emotional burden if their parents divorced or there were other family problems. (I am not saying divorce is bad – I think it's probably better than a bitter marriage for the kids. Nor am I saying this is parents' fault. I think it's way more complicated).

I worry about how we will compensate as we age. I think this might be a huge problem, beginning very soon. Maybe, and this is what I hope, this will be a transitional phase. Sort of like teens have traditionally rebelled against their parents and then reestablished relationships on an adult basis when they settled down themselves – perhaps the "defoo-ing" phenomenon is a reaction to our living longer, spending more time in education and in career building, and then still needing some time to establish themselves as individuals free of the family dynamics that can hold us back.

I've never heard the word "defoo" before by the way. I can't decide how I feel about it.

Some of my ancestors effectively defooed their families when they hopped on a boat to cross the Atlantic. I understand the enlightenment angle because of the non attachment aspect. I also understand the need to get away but about 800 miles did the trick for me. We chat on the phone once or twice a month. I partake partially out of my sense of duty to my family.

People change.

My family "defoo'd" me 20 years ago when they found out I'm gay. Being devout fundamentalists, their first born son is bound for hell and no longer welcome in his own home. I have not seen any of them in all that time.
And yes... I am indeed better for it
More... enlightened... if you will.

Family expectations are one of the strangest things on the planet to me - I can't understand why some parents just can't love their kids for what they are rather than what they want them to be.

My mother is jealous of me because I was closer to my father, he doted on me and I have achieved a fair amount above family expectations. And she hates me for it!

Each situation is different, but boils down to the same issue. Expectations get in the way of reality and harmony.

I've never heard the term "defooing" before, but it is something that I've been planning and waiting to execute. My personal reasons are that after 18 years, these people really don't feel like family to me. They put me down, they manipulate, they stick their noses where they don't belong and they betray your trust to gossip about you. I don't think it makes me a bad person, I've tried to get along and fix it for at least 10 years. It's not working and I've decided not to put up with it for much longer.

This doesn't mean I don't have people that I consider family...honestly I do. We may not be related by blood but we are all in a similar familial situation, and we keep each other going. We know that when anything happens we can get help from one another and we always do anything for each other. Something our blood-families haven't given us.

It's sad that I know I can't trust my parents with anything. It's going to be a tough thing to actually execute because they are always going on about "going against family", but I know that if I don't they will continue their manipulative ways.

I don't think it's a phenomena, I just hope that people can develop better family habits.