The growing popularity of defoo-ing

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defoo-ing (basically breaking contact with your family of origin (FOO)) feels like it's growing in popularity. That is, breaking all contact and establishing a completely separate life.

I am really interested in this after having read an ascension and enlightenment thread on here which suggested the possibility that breaking away from the bonds of the family unit was a necessary step (and sign) of enlightenment.

I have defoo-ed (not under the suggestion of anyone or any website, only after years of BS from my mother and the death of my father) and basically have had no contact with any of my family for nearly two years now.

Now, I am pondering the following:

Is the phenomenon of defoo-ing really a phenomenon? Or are we just giving a catchy name to something which a set %ge of people do every year making it more headline worthy, so then we notice it more?

If it really is on the increase:

Is this a symptom of an individualistic and selfish society?

Will there be any improvement in family relations given the future potential for global upheaval?

Is the 'defoo-ing' population a symptom of potentially more individuals seeking a more spiritual life without the influence of family prejudice?

Is this good for our society?

Very interested in experiences and thoughts on this.

damn!

I am in the wrong SECTION! HELP!!!!!!

I don't know if it's a new phenomena, but i know my reasons are universal.

I just do not get along with them. I've tried and tried but i just don't get them and they surely don't understand me. I just lost interest i guess.

It just feels like they are not my family. There is no connection.
I always felt i was adopted, but i'm not.

Does that make me a "bad" person?
Maybe i just don't care enough..

Apologies - made a mistake and posted in the wrong section.

Have re-posted subject in the "gray area".

Admin - I humbly apologise.

This is the first time I've heard this term. How very sad. It's difficult for me to imagine, since my family has always been close. As a parent, I can honestly say I hope none of my kids ever de-foo's me.
Sign of the times, I suppose.

I am in the same situation as i have had no contact with my family now for a few years. They just cause me so much stress with all their manipulating and controlling ways that i just couldnt hack it anymore. My dad treats me like a 10 year old constantly shouting at me and putting me down with every other sentence & im 40+. Its the only way for me to be happy.

Perhaps for some people deefoo-ing their family is the best thing they could do.
You did not choose your family and families don't come with a 'satisfaction guarantee'.

So if they impede your personal progress or suck you down, leave.

But some families are good and supportive, it would be wise to stick with that family.

If you don't like prison and your family is the mob, slowly disown them.

I think your observation is of tremendous importance.

It will be sometime before we see any serious inquiry into this social 'phenomenon' which I think may be much more important than many will grant.

Our cultural trends in this country are already heavily skewed by the promotion of consumerism and the dissolution of the 'cohesive' family paradigm.

For many its about the baggage and neediness of the family - a reality no one really ever 'signs up for'. Unfortunately, in a world where trust and a 'family safety net' are vanishing, we are going to see a lot of lonely unvisited seniors when the baby boomers become too old to work.

that's good advice...do you think it's growing in popularity?

I think you are bang on target there. I wonder how communities will adapt and cope with this. I used to have a tremendous sense of duty to my family. But I changed so much due to travel and education that they just couldnt relate to me.

I am childless and likely to remain childless...will we all become a forgotten section of society that really contributes nothing? Or is this a necessary part of enlightenment?

It is difficult to maintain contact with family when you are constantly put up into the spotlight, made the center of attention during reunions, commented on such as should have done this or that, basically made example of what could be better.

I broke away from all that BS over 20 years ago. Got tired of the preaching and speeches. There is still the very rare contact here and there, but even those still contain the should have, would have, could have.

I dont think its anything new, perhaps the name for it is new. But I believe its more common than known.


Cheers!!!!

Well it makes me sad to think this may be a growing phenomenon. I'm 42 this week and my only child is a 2 year old boy. The love, nurturing and constant attention he requires from myself and my wife is rather tiring at my age but what I do know being a mature father is how much I love him and how much he loves me back.

I'd hate to think with so many years ahead in bringing up my son that he'll just up and leave. Thanks but no thanks dad. There is a point to conceiving and bringing up children and it doesn't end at adulthood. If there are problems at home with parents then for goodness sake try to sort them out before doing something so drastic than as to leave and never see them again.

Just think of how much time they have put into you. What percentage of that time would it take to patch things up, or at least try to? Years of love paid back by a lifetime of hurt.

Well, if you can do it and turn your back on your parents, then maybe you're just better off gone after all.

[edit on 13/1/09 by vonspurter]

reply to post by vonspurter

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ooocchhhhaaaaa...a bit judgmental, methinks...

it's not always the child's fault...and it's not always the parent's

however, in my case I did all I could and then decided it was hurting me too much and there was absolutely no way of fixing it. I had acted as parent to my mother for a rather long time - from around the age of eight, dealing with her problems..acting as her marriage guidance counsellor. It was a relationship of dependence and I just do not have the energy to have her in my life any more.

There were some hugely significant events which are personal and bear no relevance to the thread.

I am glad to have her out of my life.

Bear that in mind when bringing up your two year old - you may feed, clothe and 'nurture'. You may feel the bond is unbreakeable, but the bond between parent and child is actually voluntary.

Bear in mind that other people's lives are not as rosy and cosy as yours and be thankful.

reply to post by annefran

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Not speaking to my family has helped me to grow.

My family was very negative, so being able to stay away and reflect has helped me in the long run.

I can understand how cutting ties with your family can be a step towards enlightenment.

Fair comment and I respect your opinion. Just find it sad that's all. Anyway, hope everything goes alright for you and others in the same position.

This concept reminds me too much of Scientology. It's not good...

I don't see this as a negative thing for me.
Nothing was ever good enough for my family. Had serious self esteem
problems.
I really love my parent for caring for me untill i could stand on my own feet. I really do.
But family is a relationship, and like in any other relationship, if it isn't working it just isn't working

reply to post by annefran

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Your situation is unique to you as my situation is unique to me. People walking away form their families for whatever reason is neither new nor unusual.

Most families are functional loving families which can be hard for a person from an atypical family to accept. You can become blinded to the fact that in most of the homes around you the occupants not only want to be with each other, they need to be with each other.

We are social animals and as such benefit from relationships with each other. People from traditional households fare better both emotionally and financially throughout their lives.

One thing I noticed while growing up is that my peers who were from broken or dysfunctional households had a hard time accepting that it was their household that was out of the norm. They often try to drag others down with them to validate their distorted views of relationships. Perhaps that is where you are seeing this defoo-ing phenomena which is hardly new. It is important that people see that their reality is not others reality.

IMO there is nothing more important in this world than family.


Family will be there long after the friends, mates and casual aquaintances have all gone their own ways.


I can say for certain that without the love and support of my family members I would not be here today.

They may get on your nerves and you may not always see eye to eye on everything, but at the end of the day they are blood and blood is what you live and die for.