DONT EVEN BOTHER TO ASK WHERE THIS BROKING NEWS CAME!
President George Bush was in the Oval Office wondering which country
to invade next, when his telephone rang.
"Hallo, President Bush", a heavily accented voice said. "This is
Archie, up ere at the Harp Seal Pub in Badger's Cove, Newfoundland,
Canada, eh? I am callin' to tells ya dat we are officially declaring war on ya!
"Well Archie," George replied, "This is indeed important news! How big is your army?"
"Right now", said Archie, after a moments calculation "there is
myself, me cousin Harold, me next-door-neighbor Mick, and the whole
dart team from the pub... That makes eight!"
George paused. "I must tell you Archie that I have one million men in
my army waiting to move on my command."
"Holy jeez!", said Archie. "I'll have ta call ya back!"
Sure enough, the next day, Archie called again. "Mr. Bush, the war
is still on! We have managed to acquire some infantry equipment!"
"And what equipment would that be Archie?" George asked.
"Well sir, we have two combines, a bulldozer, and Harry's farm tractor."
President Bush sighed. "I must tell you Archie, that I have 16,000
tanks and 14,000 armored personnel carriers. Also I've increased my
army to one and a half million since we last spoke."
"Lard t'underin' b'y", said Archie, "I'll be getting back to ya!"
Sure enough, Archie rang again the next day... "President Bush , the
war is still on! We have managed to git ourselves airborne! We up an'
modified Harrigan's ultra-light wit a couple of shotguns in the
cockpit, and four b'ys from the Legion have joined us as well!"
George was silent for a minute then cleared his throat. "I must tell
you Archie that I have 10,000 bombers and 20,000 fighter planes. My
military complex is surrounded by laser-guided, surface-to-air missile
sites. And since we last spoke, I've increased my army to TWO MILLION!"
"Jumpins," said Archie, "l'll have ta call youse back."
Sure enough, Archie called again the next day... " President Bush! I am
sorry to have to tell you dat we're callin' off dis 'ere war."
"I'm sorry to hear that" said George. "Why the sudden change of heart?"
Well, sir," said Archie, "we've all sat ourselves down, and had a long
chat over a bunch of pints, and come to realize dat dere's no way we
can feed two million prisoners."