Jon Stewart fans, meanwhile, have launched a website to post their gratitude for the comedian's stance on Gaza.
Here is the transcript of the show:
Transcript of Strip Maul Segment
Daily Show Episode 5
Jon: 2009, nothing but hope and change - we're back, baby - lets do this thing.
News item clip
MSNBC.com: 2009 begins in the Middle East with Israel raising the stakes on its all out assault on Gaza.
Jon: (removing hair piece) Yea, man.
Well normally I like to ease back into these things, but I guess I have a job to do; you know it's probably just a little skirmish - you know -
happens all the time in the Middle East, right? A little seasonal culling of the missile surpluses, you know. You got the 2009 missiles coming in,
gotta make room in the silos.
News item clip
CBSnews.com: Tonight Israeli tanks and infantry cross the border into Gaza shortly after nightfall...
CBSnews.com: 8 days of air strikes, artillery and naval bombardment...
ABCnews.com: Israelis admit that this could take a long time...
Jon: (Remove another hair piece) I got that one put on in St. Luke's. It was actually a hospital, I woke up with it. I don't really know why.
Jon: What the hell man? We left here in December and everything in the Middle East was fine. I remember one fellow feeling particularly optimistic.
News item clip (12/5/08): Israel invades Gaza Missile Tov!
Bush: While the Israelis and Palestinians have not yet produced an agreement they have made important progress; they have laid a new foundation of
trust for the future.
Jon: Do you know anything? Do you have any idea? What are you talking about?
By the way, I'm not an architect but I find that when you are laying a new foundation (sound of bomb exploding), don't make it out of C4 - It's really
unstable for a foundation material.
Now obviously if my memory serves me, I believe that the truce between Hamas and Israel only expired about 2 weeks ago. It's not like Hamas lobbing
missiles is an unusual and new occurrence. Why does Israel feel they have to act so strongly right now?
News Clip (NBC News - 1/4/09)
Andrea Mitchell: They did it now because they wanted to clean the slate before the new administration came in - despite Obama's, you know, statements
about his support for Israel, he's still an unknown entity to them - and they knew they had unrelenting support from the Bush administration.
Jon: I get it. Israel isn't really sure if the new administration is going to allow them cart-blanche in the bombing department, so they're getting it
in now before the January 20th Hope and Change Deadline.
Time's running out - it's like a civilian carnage Toyotathon.
You know I am sure a lot of countries don't know how their relationship will change with the United States. Probably a good time for them to check
things off their f***k-it list.
Saudi Arabia - they could cease oil production completely. By the way it's that easy - see how the world likes that.
Who knows how Obama will feel abut North Korea's nuclear arsenal - can they afford not to launch them?
I know, personally I'll be starting that baby-fighting ring I'm guessing Obama is against. That's right, I'm starting a baby-fighting ring. Under the
Bush administration, I received a tax break to start it.
Hamas's continued insistence on firing rockets into Israel and Israel's continued insistence on the soul crushing segmentation and blockading of Gaza
- is a very complex situation. Obviously both sides of the complex situation are vigorously championed by American politicians.
(1/5/09) Bush: I ...err... understand Israel's desire to protect itself...
(1/4/09) Sen. Harry Reid: I think what the Israelis are doing is very important...
(1/4/09) Mitt Romney: Israel has no choice but to take military action...
(1/4/09) Sen. Mitch McConnell: The Israelis are doing the only thing they can possibly do to defend their population...
(1/4/09) Gov. Jon Corzine: The missile firing into Israel I think brought proper response from ah... the Israelis....
Jon: See - it's the Mobius strip of issues - there's only one side.
And as always even the analogies flow one way.
(1/4/09) George Will - Newsweek: All Americans know what we would be doing if rockets where landing in San Diego from Tijuana.
Jon: Yay! We'd open them up and pull out the tequila and hookers. Am I right people? It's a friggin' Tijuana rocket - can't go to spring break
-they'll just fire it to you.
(1/4/09) Gov. Mark Sanford: It is inconceivable to me that if missiles were coming out of Cuba into South Florida that we wouldn't respond.
Sen. Harry Reid: If this were going on in the United States from Vancouver, Canada into Seattle - would we react? of course we do.
Jon: First of all, I don't believe Canada has missiles with the range to hit the United States.
They could try throwing them. Come on kids - someone phrase this in a way that will really bring it home!
(1/4/09) Mayor Michael Bloomberg: Let me just phrase it for you - something that'll bring it home. If you're in your apartment and an emotionally
disturbed person is banging on the door screaming "I am going to come through this door and kill you" - do you want us to respond with one police
officer, which is proportional, or with all the resources at our command?
Jon: I guess it depends if I forced that guy to live in my hallway and make him go through check points every time he has to take a s**t
But then again by removing him by force - as long as you really believe that there will be no more crazy people left in New York - ok - but obviously
it's not the way the new year was supposed to start. For more we go to Baby New Year.
(visit the link for the full news article)