British husband told he's too fat to adopt., page 3

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reply posted on 12-1-2009 @ 08:33 AM by blupblup

I'm really torn on this one.

While i admit, 24st IS big and it will obviously impact on his ability to be active and "play" with his kid....
I don't think it will negatively impact on his parenting skills or hamper his emotions and love he will surely come to feel for the child.
As others have said, there are two parents involved in this, and if it means the child can have a chance at a family life, instead of living in foster/care homes or being pushed from pillar to post... then it can't be all that bad.

The guy was on the radio earlier saying that the ruling has put "too much" pressure on him to lose weight and this could have a negative impact on his relationship with his partner.

I really can see both sides to this and it is a very difficult and delicate matter.

[edit on 12/1/09 by blupblup]

reply posted on 12-1-2009 @ 08:36 AM by SugarCube

Is *any* form of physical "disablement" grounds for refusing adoption? I ask that question seriously because I don't know...

If the physical anomaly is genetic does that still count?

Is "physical disablement" only applicable if it compromises "normal" function of the human body?

Is it the BMI that is being used as a reason or the fact that he is "fat"? If he was 6'9" and weight 24st would this still be an issue?

reply posted on 12-1-2009 @ 08:37 AM by ShAuNmAn-X

reply to post by dodgygeeza

I can see the point that tezza is trying to make, I also see your point. Where it was lost was when it became a pointed argument. I could see the man not being allowed to adopt if he was so big that he was handicapped but he's not so he should have a chance. And yes I know it's not that hard to drop 2 BMI points. It can be done over a week with the right exercises but I think the guy should get a chance. Hell I may drop 2 BMI points in one sitting depending on what I ate *flush*

Just kidding on that part.

reply posted on 12-1-2009 @ 08:38 AM by moocowman

Originally posted by tezzajw

Originally posted by dodgygeeza
A man that is that overweight is obviously not only physically unable to bring up a child, but also mentally unable to do so too. This has nothing to do with discrimination but plain old simple common-sense.

Wow. Really?

Mentally unstable, huh? I wonder how many obese parents are sitting at their screens right now wondering if you were serious when you typed that???

How can you presume to know the mental stability of a person based on their BMI?

Well, I for one was sitting at the screen in my sofa size swivel chair lol.

I'm pretty much a size FB (fat bastard) at the moment and I applaud your debating.

I'm a single (fat) dad who has spent years fighting the powers that be for the rights of my children to be with me after divorce.

My one child has now lived with me for just over a year and in this time he has continually progressed at school. So much so that the teaching staff commended the marked improvement of the year.

Yes people lets take the child away from the mentally ill fat man for the child will explode and cover the nice peoples' cars in bloody lard.

For goodness, how long will it be before we stop judging people on their appearance ?

I would sooner have a child raised by a fat bloke than wander from foster unit to foster unit feeling totally rejected.

Makes you wonder where all the christians are when these children need homes, doesn't it ?

Ok i better get off my soap box and back to my exercise bike

reply posted on 12-1-2009 @ 08:39 AM by blupblup

Originally posted by SugarCube
Is *any* form of physical "disablement" grounds for refusing adoption? I ask that question seriously because I don't know...

I wouldn't say being fat is a "disability"... unless related to a medical condition.
IE: serious asthma.. for which steroids are used and lead to "balooning" and massive weight gain.
Perhaps, Leg,back or any other physical injuries would be ok.

The point is.. he HAS been asked/told to lose weight... therefore,. i don't think this is a medical issue!

[edit on 12/1/09 by blupblup]

reply posted on 12-1-2009 @ 08:40 AM by dodgygeeza

Originally posted by ShAuNmAn-X
reply to post by dodgygeeza

I understand that but I still don't see where the man's weight is an issue. He'll lose some of it running after a kid, that's for sure. Like I says, if the man is fit enough to be a functioning member of society he should be able to adopt. I didn't see anywhere in the article that he was bedridden and had to use machines to move himself around. The man should be given a chance.

On a side note- You know the kid will eat well. Men don't get that big unless their wives are hella good cooks

I completely agree, thank you for bringing a reasonable argument back into this thread. Some people simply do not know how to argue without having to resort to personal attacks, or moronic assumptions based on a paranoid delusion that if you're not for us, you are against us.

If he can perform as a parent, good for him. However, this article has been created in order to stir up controversy (as it has done) through the wording, and leaving out the important details that he might be perfectly capable of what most people consider a normal lifestyle. That's what newspapers do.

I don't know if we all have a different image in our heads of someone who is close to that weight (from a FAT point of view), but when you are close to that weight you start to get the impression that this man cannot function as a normal member of society.

This is not about APPEARANCE, this is about HEALTH. Have I got to go back to square one and explain why being a healthy parent is OFTEN (I said often) very important to the benefit of the CHILD, not the PARENT.

I think I have combed this post enough to avoid any other false-assumptions being pulled out.

[edit on 12-1-2009 by dodgygeeza]

reply posted on 12-1-2009 @ 08:44 AM by ShAuNmAn-X

reply to post by dodgygeeza

It all depends on the person though. I know some people who are that size (yes, and not in shape) who can function just fine. I guess it just depends on the individual. Yes losing some weight wouldn't be a bad thing but I don't think it should be mandatory if the man can still do things without mechanical aid.

reply posted on 12-1-2009 @ 08:51 AM by dodgygeeza

Originally posted by ShAuNmAn-X
reply to post by dodgygeeza

It all depends on the person though. I know some people who are that size (yes, and not in shape) who can function just fine. I guess it just depends on the individual. Yes losing some weight wouldn't be a bad thing but I don't think it should be mandatory if the man can still do things without mechanical aid.

I completely agree.

As as previous poster stated, the man said that it would too much pressure on his relationship with his partner. Doesn't this seem like a cop-out to you? That's a poor attitude to start with, to not take the advice of MEDICAL PROFESSIONALS to lose weight. If their relationship is that fragile, that actively improving your own well being is too much to ask, how the hell can they expect to survive brining up a child without putting too much "pressure" on their relationship.

reply posted on 12-1-2009 @ 08:59 AM by ShAuNmAn-X

reply to post by dodgygeeza

Maybe the wife has some bizarre fetish? I don't know. It looks to me like he doesn't want to lose some weight and he shouldn't have to if he's functional. That's the basis for my argument. I think they should give him a simple stress test. If he can pass then they should leave the guy alone.

reply posted on 12-1-2009 @ 09:09 AM by dodgygeeza

Originally posted by ShAuNmAn-X
reply to post by dodgygeeza

Maybe the wife has some bizarre fetish? I don't know. It looks to me like he doesn't want to lose some weight and he shouldn't have to if he's functional. That's the basis for my argument. I think they should give him a simple stress test. If he can pass then they should leave the guy alone.

Yes, again I completely agree.

Thanks ShAuNmAn-X

VIDEO: Damien and Charlotte Hall on their feelings about the ruling

He seems like a perfectly reasonable, respectable guy so I agree he should be given a chance. It all comes down to pre-conceived ideas of what a man of 150kgs looks like and how healthy he really is.

[edit on 12-1-2009 by dodgygeeza]

reply posted on 12-1-2009 @ 09:42 AM by ImaginaryReality1984

My issue with this story is the use of the BMI index.

Ladies and gentlemen using the BMI most bodybuilders would be considered obese despite being nearly pure muscle. The BMI is an absolute joke, a ridiculous nonsense. A true body fat percentage test should be employed instead if you're going to go down that road. Calipers or the bodpod are good judges of fat percentage.

If he is obese due to fat then i see no problem with him being refused a child. As others have stated he can diet to prove he wants that child. I mean come on guys, obese parents tend to have obese kids and that is never a good thing.

The BMI should be abandoned though.

reply posted on 12-1-2009 @ 09:45 AM by blupblup

Actually seeing the man, he doesn't appear as big as you'd think.

the video is to the right of the center.
See for yourselves.

news.bbc.co.uk...

reply posted on 12-1-2009 @ 09:46 AM by ZindoDoone

If people keep allowing government to make life decisions and people don't tell the government to stepback and let citizens make their own decisions, pretty soon, and it's not that far off, you won't be making ANY decisions on your own lives. Wake up. Its not what might happen in the future for a child placed with them. Its whats needed now by a child.
These bureaucrats are trying to put children in a 'perfect' home so that they don't have to do any follow up. Just place a child and forget about them. Case closed.
Zindo

[edit on 1/12/2009 by ZindoDoone]

reply posted on 12-1-2009 @ 09:48 AM by jackinthebox115

Does it go the same way? Would someone who was grossly underweight like say most of the Hollywood actresses be allowed to adopt? Obviously they could "passively" pass on their mental instabilities to these poor kids?

I think we should just ask a kid, who has been bounced from foster home to foster home, possibly abused by their own natural parent(s) that if they had a shot in a warm, loving, safe home where one of the parents was fat, would they prefer that to no home?

reply posted on 12-1-2009 @ 09:49 AM by ImaginaryReality1984

Originally posted by blupblup
Actually seeing the man, he doesn't appear as big as you'd think.

the video is to the right of the center.
See for yourselves.

news.bbc.co.uk...

the mans verging on a second chin, as far as i'm concerned giving him a child would be child abuse as that child may consider obesity a way of life and he may also feed the child incorrectly. The child services are seeing it as taking care of yourself and him being that large is most definitely not taking care of yourself.

Under that shirt i spot man boobs, a gut and other bad things. It would take less than 2 months of solid work to reduce his BMI below 40, that's if he doesn't suffer from prada-willis syndrome or something which stops him exercising. As they have considered his application we can rule out any serious medical complaint that would prevent him from getting a child and so it comes down to laziness and diet.

If he wants a child then he can lose some weight. If he can't lose the weight it says a great deal about his want for a child don't you think?

[edit on 12-1-2009 by ImaginaryReality1984]

reply posted on 12-1-2009 @ 09:50 AM by blupblup

There are similar stories in the USA too..
Just searched and one came straight up...

nationalwriterssyndicate.com...

Seems this is a transatlantic problem/issue.

reply posted on 12-1-2009 @ 09:51 AM by nixie_nox

It is not even just health reasons. My first thoughts are:

In the event of an emergency, how would he get the child to safety?

For people who are morbidly obese, even getting in an out of the car is a hassle. What if he couldn't get the child to the ER?

If a child runs towards the street, how is he gonna stop them?

If the house is on fire, how long is it going to take for him to get the child out?

And then there are the other issues:

What example is he setting?

How would he play catch? Or help the child practice for sports, cheerleading, or track?

I had a friend who was morbidly obese, about 450 lbs. I can tell you right now he didn't do much.

They get exhausted easily, and certainly can't stand up to the rigors of parenting.

They can barely get themselves dressed, much less help a child do all they need to do.

I don't think an overweight parent should be discriminated against. They can still perform the tasks they need too. But when the weight starts inhibiting a person's health and ability to function, then no, I don't think they should be given care of a child.

if that person can demonstrate that they have full function, and can fully take care of a child without collapsing ever ten minutes and panting, then sure, they can adopt.

reply posted on 12-1-2009 @ 09:51 AM by blupblup

reply to post by ImaginaryReality1984

To quote myself from earlier.

Originally posted by blupblup
I'm really torn on this one.

While i admit, 24st IS big and it will obviously impact on his ability to be active and "play" with his kid....
I don't think it will negatively impact on his parenting skills or hamper his emotions and love he will surely come to feel for the child.
As others have said, there are two parents involved in this, and if it means the child can have a chance at a family life, instead of living in foster/care homes or being pushed from pillar to post... then it can't be all that bad.

I really CAN see both sides, It's not very often I'm torn... but i really don't know?

[edit on 12/1/09 by blupblup]

reply posted on 12-1-2009 @ 09:59 AM by ImaginaryReality1984

Originally posted by blupblup

To quote myself from earlier.

If you're going to reply to me please take the courtesy to actually reply to me directly and not by proxy.

Originally posted by blupblup
I'm really torn on this one. I really CAN see both sides, It's not very often I'm torn... but i really don't know?

I'm not torn, if he's obese due to fat then he isn't a good role model for a child. Obese parents tend to bring up obese children. They cannot play with their children as much, they cannot take part in their childrens lives as much and basically if they want children then they should easily be able to prove it by dropping 2 BMI points.

However again i will state that the BMI is stupid, ridiculous and need to be replaced right now with a standard body fat percentage test.

[edit on 12-1-2009 by ImaginaryReality1984]

reply posted on 12-1-2009 @ 10:06 AM by blupblup

reply to post by ImaginaryReality1984

Originally posted by ImaginaryReality1984
If you're going to reply to me please take the courtesy to actually reply to me directly and not by proxy.

Excuse me...?

Sorry i wasn't as personal as your heartfelt response, clearly directed at me?

/sarc

carry on man.... pedants....