posted on Jan, 15 2009 @ 07:04 PM
Hello Read Between The Lines,
I hope you are well now. First thing I would say is that really the best thing for you to do is to focus on the now as much as you can and what
you want from the future, even though the past I know will keep popping into your mind all the time. You have every right to be angry and confused
about your past.
But don't let that past dictate and make your future to.
Try and stay away from anymore '___', is a really good thing to do. Dont take it until you have your head clear, and have this all sorted.
It is hard to know really for you and others if what happened really happened, as you remember if you were given '___' at such an early age, you might
have had a Bad Trip as such and it brought up memories of previous abuse.
Hypnosis works without drugs, and hypnotising someone on '___' does not take much, but it usually is not a full hypnotic trance, as the effects of the
drug are soo powerful they usually make you soo Awake as such, its difficult if not impossible to get the person into the required Brain wave patters
to make any suggestions last.
Most people find they cant remember much of a '___' experience in great detail, so I wouldnt worry about that too much.
The thing that you do need to sort out more is the effects of '___' when soo young, makes it a bit harder to get over the experience, especially if
you were abused when on it.
Many people especially children if they have had difficult times, face their worst fears around it when given '___' and it seems very real. It is very
difficult to tell the Hallucinination from what really happened, or a memory of another time.
I used to work within, not children's services like that but youth work on the mental health side, in your country by the capital.
I know lots of bad things happened years ago in the "wards" and "Units" and "Homes", and one of my old clients was put in ice cold baths and
tied to his bed all night many times, before the time I joined in the late 70,s and early 80's, because the staff were untrained and horrible, and
couldn't deal with his needs, and behaviour. They learnt it from watching other people doing it. Its wrong and My heart goes out to you for what you
must have been through. I know as well that there was a big cleanup of the services a few years before I started in the feild, and many of the
perpertrators went to Prison etc.
I admire you and think you are strong for managing to get through life to talk about this openly.
There is a way forward for you. Many of the people who were placed into care and abused then, got together a few years ago and brought a Mass legal
action against the people who worked there and did this. Some of them got quite a large amount of money too to help them start afresh, and had the
release of seeing these scum behind bars.
If you were under the same care as those whose have been convicted already you could add your grievance to it now to.
If not you would be able to get some of the kids who saw this, were with you at the time and do this yourselves, your fear of doing it is a lot more
than any risk, and once it happens your life would be much better.
If you dont have contact still with any of your friends from the time, you still could go to the police yourself.... take a train or bus trip out of
the county where the police man was from, and make the call in another county or force area.
The police will protect you, even give you witness protection if relevant, and move you somewhere new for a fresh start.
You probably have a Social Worker already, so tell them... things are different these days, you can trust people again, in the caring industry not all
are like you found, as you know The Care Field attracts the best and some of the worse people into society into it. I think most of the organised and
service wide scum have been locked up by now.
If you don't feel safe doing that, why don't you go to your doctor and explain it to them?
The one good thing about this is its anomynous before any thing official, and he, or if you want, its your right, demand to see a female doctor, she
can give you a quick exam that could later be used in court to state that certain sexual acts have happened in your body, but obviously not confirm
that it was not willing by you or the age it happened. The Doctor would be able to on your behalf find the best way forward for you, and work with
Multidisiplinary Bodies, to get you the support, and closure you need to sort this out. That is they can access almost straight away help with
protection, counselling to come to terms with this, a psychiatric exam to help you prove this happened help you with the feelings you have about it
I know it is difficult but trust someone again, I think the doctor is the best thing to do. You might be very happy and surprised how quickly things
will get better for you, and how much help you get if you go and explain and ask for the help.
Make an appointment and ask the receptionist for a double or treble appoint time. When they ask why tell them its "Personal" and you will only
discuss it with the Doctor.
If you dont want to take legal action you can ask them to make it confidential and just ask for help with dealing with it.
The doctor then is able to report the concern to the police but as long as the people who did it dont work with Kids anymore they wont take immediate
action, but investigate separately and without your consent to make a statement, they cant convict them or take it anywhere, so you have the power no
I know its confusing, and you are pissed of, that is normal, I know too you probably feel guilty and scared and alone. But dont feel guilty, you are
the victim in this and have nothing to be guilty of, you should be proud. I think you are amazing to have made it in life in one piece and alive to
post this here, keeping this to yourself, many people are not as strong as you and remember that!
So stay strong and try and trust again, just once for 15 minutes with your doctor and see what they can offer to you to make your life happier, and to
start afresh, it will be your choice as to whether to accept it, you will be in control no one else.
Prayers and positive vibes admiration for U.
Good luck with a fresh start in this life, you are a hero to have got this far, don't bottle out at the last Moment, see your GP... they do care
really and its not false honestly.