Catholic Guilt, page 2

First of all, I'd like to compliment everyone who has posted in this thread for the intelligent, thoughtful and mature way each of you has responded. Bravo. I hesitated to even read this thread because, too often, these types of discussions become a lightening rod for insults and personal attacks.

There has been none of that here.

I commend the OP for struggling to balance what is right for him and his family wishes. It is easy, when there are family clashes, to just walk away. You aren't taking the easy way.

First let me say that I am a Catholic who left the church for may years and returned when my oldest was four because I believe it is my responsibility to expose children to faith and religion (two distinctly different things, by the way). I was pleasantly surprised to see that much had changed in the church since I walked away, especially in that I saw little remnants of the "Listen to your priest - don't read the bible!" mentality that I had seen previously.

Now, understand that the Pastor of my church is a terrific person who truly is inspired by the word of God and walks the walk. That may have much more to do with my newly formed opinion of the church than any institutional changes.

That said, over the 16 years in which I have been back in the church, I have had many, MANY disagreements with the church, especially with the Child Abuse scandal and find myself staying away for periods of time. I have three kids and the two youngest go to church every Sunday with their Mom (they also have been educated in Catholic Schools) and when I always make sure that I talk with them to explain why I am feeling frustrated and or angry with the church and how, when they are older, they may feel the same from time to time.

We also encourage them to learn the Catholic Doctrine and understand WHY the church may feel as it does on various topics. We tell the that it is their responsibility to UNDERSTAND both the Church's positions and also the genesis of those positions but, ultimately, when they are older, they will have to decide for themselves.

We also encourage them to question. If something doesn't make sense, ask about it. Don't settle for answers like, "it's a mystery," or "because it's God's will," because even though we do believe that the Bible represents an inspired understanding of God's word, it is still interpreted by man and man is prone to allowing bias and/or other emotions to cloud their interpretation.

My oldest no longer goes to church and, at this point of his life, he feels it is not a necessary component of his life. I won't lie, I'd rather he didn't walk away completely but it is his choice to make, not ours (he is 20 yrs old). I tell him all the time that I hope he returns to a place where faith in God is important to him - whether that includes a church organization or not, is not nearly as important as an active faith in God, in my opinion.

That said, he is a good, kind and sensitive person who is exactly the kind of person I'd hoped he'd be. That is what is most important. There was an incident a few years back that taught me a little about remembering what is truly important in life.

He was still in high school and his girlfriend was having anxiety attacks with increasing frequency (her Dad died of Cancer when she was 13 yrs old and was struggling mightily with that.)

My son had missed a few days of school because of the attacks because he wanted to make sure she was ok. Her mom, by the way, had begun drinking heavily and was at a point where she was barely functioning so my son felt that he was his girlfriend's only hope to get through this.

One morning, my wife called me to tell me that my son had called her to tell her he was going to stay with his girlfriend because she was having an attack and he wouldn't be going to school.

His grades were plummeting (he was a high honors student through Jr High) and I had seen and heard enough. In my opinion, he was throwing his life away and as badly as I felt about his girlfriend's struggles, I called him to lecture hi about the importance starting to worry about his own future.

So, I am reminding him that he is throwing his future away and needed to start doing what he needs to do to get back on track. I told him that, while I understood how he felt, it wasn't fair that he had to sacrifice his future.

He listened and then said, "Life isn't fair, Dad. If like was fair, I'd be focused on my school work and would be worrying about whether I'd be finishing 1st or 2nd in my graduating class and whether I should attend Harvard or Yale. But Dad, I have a friend who is hurting so badly and has no one else but me to lean on. If I just walked away from her, knowing how much she needs me right now, how could I live with myself?"

That stopped me dead in my tracks. I had spent much time trying to convince him to stay in the church because it was so important to understand Jesus' teachings and yet, here he was LIVING those teachings, not just talking about them.

It was at that moment that I decided that, while I would continue to invite him to keep an open mind towards his faith, it was pretty clear to me that God would be pleased with my son whether he ever spent another minute in a church building the rest of his life.

I apologize for the rambling post. I just felt my thoughts might be of some interest and/or help to some who are struggling.