(YYSLSC) He cried and wept and I took no pity...

It is awful to discover some one hates you, but yes, I hate you, get over it!

Do I hate myself? Well of course...that is all I have ever known.

Why else would I be everything and nothing to you? Why else would I be anything other than who I am? You try to grasp me? Try to hold something that never wanted to be held... you try to hold me and nail me down? Then I will kill you with my hate of you. I don't want your love card... take the Valenties Day card back... I hate you for sending me it.

Perhaps all I need do is love me, then I will love you?

How can I love me after all I have done? All the self loathing, the denial and the decadence. I have rebelled against my own self. I despise me for my absolute truths, the highest awareness of my own corruption, the corruption of my soul from nudity and lack of knowledge. It is raw and unrestrained, just pure emotion and reaction with no care of consequence or rules.

Now where is my whore or my beast? Yes, they have gone to whoredom and decadence. Oh, how I despise myself. Why won't I love and forgive myself? Why does my own beast and whore run from me in fear of me?

Oh, how I despise myself. Do I want to look in my own mirror or yours?
Will I bother to seek another mirror like my own? NO! Hell NO! That would be sheer cruelty, be grateful for my rejection, I spare you hell.

Can I find another beast like me? Can I find another whore like me? NO! There is none like me. I am the first and the last and yea bastards judge me. Oh how yea do err. Yea know nothing of your own beasts and whores. Sit in your righteousness. It is your own delusion. Live it, breathe it until you can live it, breathe it no more and it is your last breathe.

And who is my beloved?
ME and I am cursed. As I love, I wound. My love will kill you, for yea know not the heat of my passion. Your passion is tepid and does not burn me...oh how I wish to burn in passion.

I spare you and ye cry?
If yea only knew that I would reel you in and spit you out as I did with my own self...
How can I love thee when I am despised in my own sight?
I cannot look at me, I would rather be blind.

I restrain you, but yea do err... you cry over rejection and I tell you once more, I spare you...so cry no more. Rejoice when I have the self awareness to reject you.

Your aspirations of love fall by the wayside, love falls to the ground and is broken and shattered. Surely, you will not be crushed with rejection?
There is no pain like the self that rejects the self, so you can cry, you can weep but know that my pain is deeper than yours. Why? Because before you, I was and before your pain, there was my pain and now I sit and look at the river of your tears. The river means nothing to me.

I have no love for you because I have no love for myself, so don't try to find me in your mirror. I will break your mirror, break your soul, break your heart so run away, swim away in your own river of tears.

The only card that would ever mean anything to me is the be my beloved card I send to myself...

The last person who sent me a Valentines Day marked it with three crosses...if only he had known that my love would cost him his life three times? I kissed him three times as I laid him in the grave.

It was his choice to try to climb through the mountain...many have tried and oh how they do try...but they are all defeated and they wallow in their failings. They want my love and they will never have it...but oh how they keep trying...so let them die and I will kiss them as they go into their graves.

And I tell them... yea do err... send me myself to love so that I may overcome my own self loathing and then, and only then there is hope.

But there is no hope for me until I love me, so take your river of tears and drown in it if yea want to, but verily I tell you, be grateful I have spared you hell. Do not desire my love, I have none for you as I have none for myself.

The only significant other is myself because it is myself you wish to hold and love and that is significant to you...

Now get hence from me and be grateful I have spared you.














[edit on 3-1-2009 by Thurisaz]

I understand, and I have loved you and found that the more I poured into you the more you became empty. I created you from the river of my tears and it is to the river of tears again I shall send you.

The mirror reflects the only true love, the love of a million miles of sorrows. It knows no boundaries and it waits in the shadows until they arrive, they have arrived only not for your eyes to see.

You are the holder of secrets, the keeper in trust. Your boots will again rein over dominions of sadness, escaping not even the noblest of hearts, for they know not from where you have come, nor to where some day you will return.

reply to post by antar


pathetic