Why are girls so darned confusing?

So, there was a girl I loved...genuinely would do anything for her type of love.

We live about 3 hours apart, me being 16 and her 14 that meant we would barely ever see eachother. We talked every night for months over MSN and I was supposed to go and see her during my February half term.

We had always agreed that we wern't going out because of the distance and the likely hood that something would happen with someone else. But she still always told me she loved me.

She remembered things I had said offhand, she would sometimes randomly put I love you into the middle of a conversation. I couldn't have been more sure.. Then one day she told me she had got herself a boyfriend; after I twigged that something didn't seem right about the way she was talking. Now it hit me hard, but I knew it was going to happen eventually so I tried to move on.


But she tells me she still loves me, and the only reason I'm not going down to see her anymore is becasue I got a good friend to find out what she really felt. She didn't know I had got him to speak to her, but she told him she did love me and that she wished it could work out, but that she wasn't sure I should go down because it would make things awkward.


What on earth does she actually feel, it sounds like a classic 'easy' let down; and yet I can't bring myself to believe that, things she has said and the way she has said them wont let me believe that to be true... I get so confused by it, I still speak to her, and occasionally she stilly types I love you...but generally she is using MSN on her phone and her boyfriend is there.

Any thoughts my fellow web-ites?

[edit on 30-12-2008 by StevenDye]

maybe she really does still love you. i was divorced in october and my ex tells me all the time that she still loves me and that i am her best friend. girls are complcated and especially at such a young age. it's hard man and it is not going to get any easier

First off no guy will ever be able to tell you why women confuse us. It's just one of those things. Second, try dating someone your own age. I've dated more than my share of women, and after awhile found the older the better (to a point). I would caution you that at 14 she is too young to know what she wants, and in all honesty probably doesn't even know what love is. I told girls I loved them when I was that age, but when I got older realized I never did. I would also advise not having internet based relationships at your age. It's more fun dating a girl you can actually see, especially when you get a little older . Don't feel to bad man, there's tons of girls out there.

[edit on 30-12-2008 by Raustin]

Oh yes, I would much prefer a real life relationship, but I am not usually one for emotions.

Girls fall into catgories of : Speak to
Good friend
Good looking
Love

I have never 'fancied' anyone. And then she came along and poof... straight away before I had even seen a picture of her...t'was weird.

Aye, I've often thought that (She doesn't even really know what love is.) but she is quite mature for her age really, she has to be with her family life. And she was risking her boyfriend, who actually lives near her, breaking up with her so that I could come and see her. Because she wanted to see me, and didn't want to hurt my feelings; it was only because of my friend I knew she felt any different.

Hopefully some other women will show up and shed some more light on the female mind.

[edit on 30-12-2008 by StevenDye]

reply to post by StevenDye


Finally I Good post.

Man I wish I could help. The best I can recommend is to read...alot. Differnt views help.

Women think differently then Men. Not a slam but a truth.

Men are as complicted as ameobas. Woman are like reading Nitchzke.

reply to post by StevenDye


Yeah I think some female perspective would be quite helpful. One more thing dude, I could already tell this girl probably had a bad home life. Avoid those unless they are the greatest girl in the world. It's too much hassle at your age.

Aye, thats the problem though, to me she was and still is the best thing that ever happened to me.

Not actually caused much hassle yet, but heck we have both indirectly saved eachothers lives, so a bit of hassle isn't much compared to that.

As I say, she says she still loves me, and this boyfriend probably wont last hugely long as theydon't normally around our age, so things might start to sort themselves out after. Especially oce I am 17 and can actually drive to go and see her without spending rediculous amounts of money on trains.




To clarify, we were both close to suicide at differnt times for different reasons and helped eachother get through it.

reply to post by StevenDye


17 to drive? That sucks man. I just assumed you could drive, I take it your not in the states? Driving helps, I dated a girl when I was sixteen that lived about twenty minutes from my place and if I had to take the bus or something there's no way I would have continued seeing her. Well maybe, as I recall she was pretty cute.

I'm in England, I suppose I should be lucky, they tried to, and I believe did make it 18 for a brief period.

I'm rather lucky though, my birthday being in June is just before the school holidays start meaning I can do my lessons and tests without worrying about school work. More chance of passing first time hopefully.

I started a thread in an attempt to answer some questions about women.
Perhaps you would like to read it?link

[edit on 31-12-2008 by seagrass]

But to attempt to answer this question, I would like to say that women need a physical presence. The boyfriend is available to her. Once you start driving, if the love is still present, go get her. She is young, very young, but she is not jaded yet, and love is more pure when you are young and fresh minded about it.
Firsts are always important to women.
First love... everything seems to compare to that.
Try to keep in touch until you are free to do your own choosing.
If you want her, tell her so, and maybe even that you will wait if you can. Tell her the truth, it's not about how much emotion you put into a conversation, but how much truth.
Call her and ask her how she feels, not a friend. Call her, go talk to her, do what ever you can to make it clear how you feel, and she will most likely follow suit.

that's my best advice.

The link does not appear to work?

And aye, yeh I try to do that, but I suppose I really should try harder. I know I'll regret it if I don't...

[edit on 31-12-2008 by StevenDye]

click on my name above my avi, go to my profile, go to my threads at the top.
It is called the women's restroom:and other feminine mysteries.
it's on ATS not BTS

Originally posted by StevenDye
The link does not appear to work?

And aye, yeh I try to do that, but I suppose I really should try harder. I know I'll regret it if I don't...

[edit on 31-12-2008 by StevenDye]

I have learned that it is best to follow desire, because it feels like truth. And to be true to yourself is the best, absolute best thing you can do for self confidence, self trust, and self esteem.

I learned that the very hard way.
I am still learning it.

reply to post by seagrass


I have to disagree. I think love is more pure the older you get. When you both know what you want and have dated other people, that real love sticks out and you cherish it.

I'm not trying to knock your feelings for this girl, just want to let you know they are likely to change. I'm relatively young at 23, but I think I have learned a few things in our seven year gap. Tastes change, people change (a lot in these years) and it's important to date other people. If she comes back to you go for it. If not, remain friends. If I had put all the time I spent on relationships into school work I would have had a PHD when I was 18.

I think you are right in some cases Raustin, but he can't be 23 right now, and the attitudes you form in these early stages can have a lasting effect.
I was somewhat smarter in ways as 14, because I hadn't bought in to "supposed tos" and "should bes"

If he can make this work out in the long run, even for friendship, it will help him down the road. There are plenty of people who marry their first.
and if you are lucky enough to meet them.

I met mine very late in life, and yes we had much to do to be able to understand it all later, but who's to say this relationship isn't very important to both of their futures.

We can't say. But it could be.

reply to post by StevenDye


StevenDye,

Be very careful about what you call love at any age. We can often love/desire people and things which in the long run are bad for us.

The female is not that confusing. You just have to learn to think outside the box of what passes for male/female values today.
Translate that to mean you have to learn to think outside your glands and hers...ie emotions/passions.

Emotions are nice...wonderful if it works out right..but they can be alot of baggage if you are not careful with them. You should already be figuring this out..not pining/yearning for something outside your reach and abilities.

I can tell you are very young by the usage of the term or expression...

So, there was a girl I loved...genuinely would do anything for her type of love.

This is the kind of statement one uses when one is hooked on mucic lyrics...fantasy beliefs and entitlement thinking....not reality.

The reality is that circumstances dictate this female is outside of your reach.

Lets say that somehow she was within your reach....would you expend all of your resources to keep going to see her?? Would you expend all of someone elses resources to go and see her and keep trying out to keep her at great expense to you and even great expense to someone else?? Is she they type of girl who would do the same...or do you just "imagine " she would do the same?? Do you even know the difference??

Emotions are wonderful. Fantasys are wonderful...they are just not reality.
Someone has to do the work to make it a reality...this means someone has to take the "RISK" to make it a reality. Even then there is no gaurantee that for all the expenses given up/sacraficed that it will in fact be a reality.

Stephen Dye..

It is obvious by your post that you are very young...have a young mans dreams and beliefs. Nothing wrong with being young most certainly!!

What you dont seem to know much about is how to lead with a woman or female. You know ..like dancing ...to lead. Real life requires leading too.
Fantasy, dreams, and expectations do not require leading. All you have to go on is your passions. And passions/emotions can mislead us about reality to be found out here.

Nothing wrong with being in love..but dont forget where when and how to lead. This requires work..risk, and sacrafice. Like many young women and young men today....you have expectations and beliefs..of someone else.....not experience.

Once again .you are young..nothing wrong with that. You are going to experience alot of rejection in your life over various things and relationships. Get used to it as a lifestlye. It will bring about maturity if you survive it. And maturity is necessary for survival..male and female

This is also why most females are more quickly attracted to what they "think" are maturity standards in a male. Certain appearances.
It is very easy to think ones self mature when your primary expectations and beliefs are of someone else through a relationship. This is the source of much to do with what you find confusing about the female.
IF you can get past his hurdle...in thinking ..you will not find the female to be so confusing. Many things will open up about women and girls...they will become obvious.

But it requires maturity first and with this maturity a sense of when, where, how, and for what you will be willing to lead. This maturity also dictates how much you will be willing to "RISK" for a relationship. This is all a function of time and experience...not instant gratification beliefs and practices....ie..entitlement.

Your desire for this female is clouding your ability to see in realty.
Move on ..get some experience and maturity out here among the "wildlife."
There are lots of females out here. Now days you dont even have to chase most of them down..they will chase you.

This is alot for a 16 year old but it is true and I have found it true..over and over.

Thanks,
Orangetom




[edit on 31-12-2008 by orangetom1999]